Was she asleep, battling the same nightmares he was avoiding? Was she in pain? The thought made him crazy. Made him ache as if the injuries were his own, instead of Ruby’s.
He desperately needed a distraction or he would lose what little sanity he had left. Today had been hell for more than one reason. Snatching his phone off the table, he knew he couldn’t put off the call he’d been dreading since this morning off any longer. He blew out a deep breath and pressed a number he’d had on speed dial for years. Judith, Grant’s widow, answered on the third ring.
“Hello?” Judith’s voice, along with a duo of children’s voices in the background. It sounded so familiar it gave him momentary pause. “Hello?”
“Judith, its Troy.”
“Troy,” she greeted him warmly. “I had a feeling you’d call today.”
He sat back down in the dining room chair. “I should have called earlier. It’s been a hectic day.”
She laughed under her breath. “I remember those too well.”
Of course she would. “How are you?”
“Oh, you know…coping. Grant would have been thirty today.” She sighed. “It would have been one hell of a party.”
Troy smiled. “If I recall correctly, for this twenty-eighth, he insisted on setting up the kids’ Slip’N Slide on the front lawn.”
“Yeah. At 2:00 a.m. The neighbors were thrilled.”
They both laughed. “So how has New York been so far?”
Just like that, his stubborn thoughts went back to Ruby. Guilt assailed him. His best friend’s widow was on the other line and he couldn’t get Ruby out of his head.
“Uh-oh. Radio silence is never a good sign. What’s her name, stud?”
“Judith, we really don’t—”
“Please,” she implored, her tone suddenly serious.
“Take my mind off things for a few minutes Troy. I’d appreciate it.”
Troy massaged his forehead where a dull throbbing had formed. “Ruby. Her name is Ruby. She’s a professional pool hustler with an attitude the size of fucking Illinois. She’s a spectacular pain in the ass.” He leaned back in his chair, releasing a slow breath. “She’s also beautiful, brave, and loyal. And way too smart for her own good.”
“Damn. What the hell are you wasting your time talking to me for?” Judith laughed. “A professional pool hustler, huh? I bet you’re just tickled over that safe, boring career choice.”
“Was it obvious?”
“Huh.” Judith stayed silent a moment. Troy could practically hear her drawing her own conclusions. “You know, we never really talked about the night Grant…you know,” she started hesitantly. “I don’t think I’m even ready now. But Troy? We both know nothing you said or did could have stopped him from swooping in and trying to be the hero. I married a cowboy. I knew it from the beginning.” A beat passed. “And I loved him for it, not in spite of it.”
Her words dropped like tiny bombshells onto
Troy’s head, cutting straight through the fog brought on by the alcohol he’d consumed. “Judith—”
“I have to go. The kids…” Judith trailed off. He sensed the conversation had been too much for her, so he said good-bye and hung up, her words ringing in his head. He’d never expected or even wanted for her to absolve him of Grant’s death, but he couldn’t deny feeling a sense of peace for the first time in months. He didn’t feel better, that would take much longer, but he felt slightly lighter than before.
I loved him for it, not in spite of it.
Troy stood and looked out the window toward Brooklyn. He’d known from the second Ruby walked into O’Hanlon’s that there was nothing safe about her.
It hadn’t stopped him, though. He’d gone after her like a man obsessed, incapable of making any other choice but the one that kept her in his arms. She’d excited him, challenged him, and made him human again after he’d spent so much time shutting out anything that made him feel.
Troy’s head dropped forward as if a cord holding it upright had been cut, a sickening pit forming in his stomach as he remembered her dejected face as she’d gotten out of his car. After he’d told her he couldn’t be with her. Jesus, he’d fallen hard for a girl with abandonment issues, and he’d already proven to her that he was no different than anyone who’d done the same in the past. A stubborn-as-hell girl who’d promised she would never again give him the time of day.
He’d well and truly screwed up this time. Too bad he could be just as stubborn and determined as Ruby when he wanted something. In no world did there exist the possibility where he accepted her decision and let her walk. As of right now, he only had one advantage working in his favor.
She’d fallen for him, too.
If he hadn’t been blinded by his fear of losing her, he’d have realized her risky stunt today had been Ruby’s unique way of telling him. Tomorrow he would need to remind her why.
…
Ruby woke the next morning with a gasp after a twelve solid hours of sleep. As if her brain had shut off out of necessity, she’d slept in a black, dreamless void. Now, however, the events of the day before rushed back in a blast of clarity, catapulting her back down onto her pillow. Troy’s parting words floated over her, slaying her all over again. He’d been on his knees, kissing her and apologizing. So she’d thrown him out. Did that make her insane or stupid?
Twice in her life she’d felt the sting of abandonment.
First, with her father and yesterday with Troy. She’d opened herself up for a wealth of pain, and she’d been rewarded in spades for letting her guard down. He said he’d left for her own good, but he’d broken her heart in the process, and for the first time since she could remember, she’d felt robbed of her usual inner strength. When she’d sat in the chair, waiting for Lenny to pull his gun, a tiny part of her had been too tired to fight. That kind of mentality was dangerous for someone like her. She’d always been a survivor, and in the space of five minutes, Troy’s leaving had robbed her of that. She couldn’t forgive him for it, nor could she forgive herself.
Every dull beat of her heart echoed in her ears as if it had literally been damaged. It hurt to think or move or breathe. She could fix herself by going to him, apologizing for her rash actions, and forgiving him for leaving. He?
?d take away all the pain. Until the next time. There would always be a next time.
After testing her knees by bending them toward her stomach, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and went to shower. Not wanting any reminder of yesterday, she ripped off the bandages and threw them in the trash. She drew strength from the hot water rushing over her damaged skin, the sting helping to fight the numbness. This wouldn’t beat her. She had too many plans and had come too far. Yesterday, she’d been broken, so today, she would begin to fix herself.
Sort through the ashes and build on whatever parts of her had survived. Adding new parts as she went.
Brazening it out as usual.
Ruby had a lot of experience blocking painful thoughts. It hurt to think of Troy, so she simply wouldn’t.
Perhaps right now, when everything remained so fresh, the feat proved impossible. But over time, she would do it. She would forget the man who’d stormed into her life, commanded the possession of her body, her heart. After all, she didn’t have any other option, did she?
Knowing how important it was to make her 9:00 a.m. class, she tugged on her jeans and jammed her feet into her leather boots. Her pool stick sat in the corner, catching her eye, but she didn’t grab it and sling it over her shoulder as she normally would. At the bottom of the stairs, she pushed open the door and came to a dead stop.
Troy leaned against his car, arms crossed, clearly waiting for her. He looked terrible, eyes red-rimmed, hair sticking up in every direction. When he saw her exit, he pushed off his car and took a step toward her.
Without thinking, Ruby backed up. Otherwise, she would have run at him full-force and thrown herself at him. That would never work. She teetered right on the edge, and if he touched her, she would fall, hands flailing, into the ravine.