What was happening to her? Pushing Mac like this was never a very good idea. He was indulgent for the most part, but once his dominance was roused it seemed only to push a part of her that craved more and more within their sexual relationship.
“Sometimes they were my lovers,” he admitted, his voice lowering, becoming rough around the edges, roughening. “Sometimes I even cared about them, Keiley. Sometimes I cared about them a lot. The more I cared about them, the more I enjoyed it. ”
He was pushing her now, daring her. In that second Keiley realized she had made a dangerous error of judgment when it came to her husband. She had suspected he was missing his friends, his sexual games, that a part of him wished he were back in Virginia. But now she knew he had been waiting knowing this was coming.
Now she had brought the subject out in the open. She had broken the boundary she herself had set, and she knew her husband, for whatever reason he had had for holding back, it would be gone now.
He could be amazingly ruthless. Mac lived by his own set of rules, and over the past three and a half years they had learned how to adjust, how to compromise with each other, and keep their marriage alive and growing. But she had always known he was holding something back. Had known and feared it.
“But you didn’t love them,” she said hopefully. “Not like you love me. ”
His lips quirked. “I’ve never loved anyone or anything like I love you, Keiley,” he admitted. “You know that. ”
“Then you’re not missing your friends? You’re not missing the club?”
His gaze flickered with arousal and anticipation. “That wasn’t what I said. That’s what you said. And a word of warning, sweetheart. If you don’t want to wake the monster, then don’t poke at him. And right now, you’re definitely poking. ”
Keiley felt her lips part, felt her mouth go dry, felt the tension shimmering in the air suddenly thicken, nearly choking her with the heavy undercurrents suddenly whipping through it.
She could see it in his face now, in his eyes, a desire that he kept leashed, a fantasy, a hunger, perhaps a need, she couldn’t have fully anticipated. Then, just as quickly, it was gone. He picked up his fork, resumed eating, and let the subject drop while Keiley began wrestling with the implications he left in his silence.
“Stop worrying, Keiley,” he stated, his voice still too dark, still too rough, moments later. “My membership in the club in Virginia isn’t going to follow us here. No one knew for certain what Sinclair’s Club was for. ”
“I don’t care about the damned talk or how it follows us, Mac. I care about the fact that you’re refusing to talk about it when I know damned good and well it’s what you’re thinking about. ”
She didn’t give a damn what people thought about it. She had grown out of caring about gossip about six months after their move here and her realization that Delia Staten, one of the county’s leading figures, intended to make her life hell. Because Keiley had Mac and she didn’t. Delia had never forgotten that Mac had rejected her.
It was childish and stupid. Keiley had learned from the best exactly how to weather gossip. Whether or not anyone thought she was involved in one of the many ménage relationships in this damned county didn’t really faze her.
The fact that Mac’s lips had thinned warningly did faze her. It pissed her off that he was continuing to ignore the subject.
“It wasn’t a whorehouse, Kei. It was simply a men’s club. A place to relax, share a drink, and unwind. ”
“And find a friend to share your women with,” she inserted.
“That was an added benefit. ” The tight, controlled curve of his lips held back the lush sensuality that could fill them. “Now, I have to get to work. I have to make a trip into town later, though. Do you need anything?”
“Just answers,” she sighed. “We need to talk about this some more, Mac. ”
“Talking about this is the worst thing we can do at this point,” he told her. “What you need to do is drop it. Let it go away, Keiley, just as you did before we moved here. It doesn’t apply to our life or what we have here. That’s all that matters. ”
Oh yeah, she was just going to obey him like a good little girl.
With that, he finished his coffee and rose from the table before bending to brush a kiss over her cheek and move to the back door.
“I love you, Kei,” he said behind her.
“I love you, Mac. ” She returned the words and the emotion.
“I’ll be up for lunch if you take a break, then,” he told her. “I’ll talk to you later. ”
About anything but what she could feel pulsing in the air now. As he left, Keiley grit her teeth in frustration.
When she had first heard the rumors of Mac’s sexual history, she admitted a fear that had nearly ended their relationship. She had been terrified of the darkness of such a sexual act, and the darkness in the man she was falling in love with.
She had been a virgin. Uncertain. Still wary of gossip and still wary of the strength of her desire for Mac. And the strength of her interest in his best friend and known third in his sexual relationships. She had first met Jethro at an office party. A few weeks after that he had introduced Mac to her. Mac had stolen her heart within days.
She didn’t know how to handle Mac, let alone another man. Especially a man as hard and as shadowed as Jethro.