“And move back in tomorrow? Blue would love it.”
“And you?” I asked, laughing.
“I’d love it more. I’d carry your shit here myself from Lower Manhattan. Carry it on my fucking back like a pack mule.”
He kissed me then, but with some wistfulness, some reserve beneath the love and warmth. I knew some part of him was still afraid he’d hurt me by accident. And what if things didn’t work out? What would we do? How could we overcome that?
I huddled against him, pushing those possibilities away. I loved him more than I thought I’d ever love anyone. We were bound by fate to make this relationship work.
Chapter Fifteen: Milo
I walked into Coleman’s Steakhouse fifteen minutes late, after dropping off Alice at Lincoln Center. She’d been late for her call time, too. Since we’d moved ahead with our relationship, things had gotten crazy in my Bridgeport apartment. Now that my resistance had crumbled, we were making up for lost time, for years of unrequited longing. My dungeon had never seen so much action. As I crossed to my friends’ table, I could still taste the faint hint of her on my lips.
“He appears,” said Fort, raising a glass. “Out from the clutches of his draining love affair.”
“Here’s to getting drained,” Dev chimed in, taking a drink. “We got some Lobster Cocktail for starters, Milo.”
They both chuckled at the word “cocktail” like a couple of eleven-year-old boys. They were enjoying the fact that I’d been sucked into my own love affair, after all my scoffing and insistence that relationships weren’t for me. I was enjoying being in love, more than I ever hoped I would. Over the past few weeks, Alice and I had grown close to the point of pain. Well, her pain, my pleasure.
“Glad you could make it out,” Fort said as I sat across from them.
“Sorry I’m late. I had to drop Alice at the theater.” After I finished whipping her ass and fucking her, which took a delightfully long time. Once she got me going, I forgot everything else—her work, my work, even dinner reservations made weeks in advance. I gave myself a moment to imagine my masochistic lover shifting on her sore cheeks under the gaze of the audience and conductor at tonight’s concert. For two weeks now, she’d had some kind of marks on her ass, because I couldn’t resist her. I was finally coming to terms with her insistence that it was okay. “What are you guys drinking?” I asked.
“A Santa Maria Pinot Noir,” said Dev. “Have some. It’s good for your heart.”
I accepted a glass and took a sip, the wine blending deliciously with Alice’s lingering scent. I must have had that “look,” because both of them smiled at me.
“So, things still going well?” asked Fort.
“Yeah, very well.” I tried not to look too smug. “Very, very well.”
“How’s the violin coming?”
“Almost finished. Just a week or so left for the glue to cure, and she can take it to the Met with her. But my mother has to think of a name for the violin first.”
“Your mother?” asked Dev. “Why your mother?”
“Because his grandmother died,” said Fort. “Remember? She used to name them. Now his mother names them.”
Yes, and Alice will name them one day. The thought came to me so naturally, so clearly, that I almost said it out loud. I already pictured Alice as my future wife, a dangerous assumption when our romantic relationship was still relatively new. I took a deep drink of wine, glad that my olive Italian skin didn’t show a blush.
“So, my mom’s thinking over names,” I said. “Alice and I have a vote too. She already vetoed the name ‘Lala.’”
Dev grinned. “The Lala? That wouldn’t be a very dignified name for your fancy, schmancy instrument.”
“It was her childhood nickname, from Lilly-Alice. We all slip up and call her that sometimes. I don’t know what it’ll end up being. Ma wants it to have something to do with love and romance, but if things between Alice and me don’t work out…”
“They’ll work out,” said Fort. “You’re one of those guys who never falls for a woman until he really, really falls.”
“Yeah, you’re like those penguins that only imprint on one partner for their entire life. You’re going to spend the next fifty years wandering around a proverbial rookery with rocks in your mouth to bring to Alice’s nest.”
“Dev, you’re such a freak,” said Fort. He turned back to me. “Speaking of penguins with rocks in their mouths, Dev’s started the ring shopping process.”
I slapped my blond, wisecracking friend on the back. “You don’t say? They all fall like dominoes. Congratulations, man. Does Ella know?”
He shrugged, smiled. His paler skin did show a blush. “She probably knows. We’re at the point where things aren’t in question. But how do you find a rock to impress an astrophysicist girlfriend who probes the mysteries of the entire universe?”
“You said probes.” I snickered.
“I’m sure she’ll love whatever you get her, considering the connections you have to Sinclair Jewelers,” said Fort, raising an eyebrow.
The waiter came to take our order, and we tried to talk about other things, but the conversation kept coming around to our girlfriends—and fiancées.
“You know,” I pointed out. “Our five-years-ago selves would have been disgusted with us.”
“Yeah, well, our five-years-ago selves were knee deep in debauchery at The Gallery,” Fort said.
“Those were the growing years,” Dev mused as a joke.
“The growth of our debauchery,” Fort agreed.
“Alice has been asking me about The Gallery,” I blurted out. “Well, ever since your gossipy submissives tried to ‘help me out’ by telling her about it.” I rubbed the back of my neck, staring down at my mostly rare steak. “I’m not sure what to do.”
“You mean, whether to take her?” Fort asked after a moment. “Do you think it would be too much for her?”
“She’s really just started this journey.”
“Yeah,” Dev laughed. “But she started it with you. It’s not like Ella and Jules didn’t warn her about every damn thing from the start. My feeling is, if she
’s interested in going, you’ll probably need to sate her curiosity.”
Fort shrugged. “It’s a good place to connect, to grow closer as a kinky couple. I’m sure if you brought her, she’d enjoy the experience. You’d know how to make it work for her.”
“Yeah.” My lips tightened into a line. “She’s game to try anything. Maybe that’s why I’m nervous.”
Fort and Dev looked at each other, then Dev spoke up. “Maybe we could all go, you know, to offer moral support. Ella always enjoys it.”
“Juliet does too,” said Fort. “And if they were there, it might make Alice more comfortable during her first time. And Dev and I could be there in case, you know…”
In case something awful happens. In case you take shit too far. In an atmosphere as intense as The Gallery, things occasionally went wrong. Very wrong. As it happened, the two men across from me knew that from personal experience.
“Well, I’ll think about it. We’re still discussing the possibility,” I said.
In the flush of our dawning relationship, since she’d taken to masochism so naturally, I’d been excited about introducing her to The Gallery. Early on, I’d taken her to Michelle to be fitted for the requisite uniform, but going through that process with someone I cared about so deeply… It wasn’t the same as fitting out other girls. I started having second thoughts.
Of course, by then, Alice was beside herself with excitement about the whole perverse secret-club thing, and assumed it was just a matter of time until we went there together. I loved The Gallery—it was such a fundamental part of my life and identity, but when it came to Alice, I was torn. I wanted to take her, but I didn’t want anything between us to change. I didn’t want the pathos and violence of The Gallery to scare her off the path we’d embarked on together.
“He’s not listening to you,” said Dev, drawing me from my thoughts and anxieties.
“What? Huh?” I shoved a piece of steak in my mouth, pretending I was only preoccupied by the food.