“I’m not that innocent,” she insisted, standing her ground in her ridiculously innocent white nightie. If she knew how much I wanted to tear it off her…
“Alice.” I rubbed my eyes. “Go to bed. This is a part of myself that I want to keep separate from you. Please respect that.”
“I don’t want to,” she said, her voice trembling. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m into what you’re into. I mean, I could be into it. I’m really interested in BDSM and power exchange, and I think it would be awesome to play with you. You know, do a ‘scene.’”
She was throwing out vocabulary, trying to sound like she knew what she was talking about. Poor, misguided girl.
“I don’t know how to say this without sounding mean, Alice, but if you’re just interested, then you’re not playing on my level.”
“I haven’t played at all,” she said, throwing up her hands. “But I would, with you. I understand you so much more now. I understand your dominant manner, your intensity, the way you talk to people—”
“You don’t understand anything.” I sounded harsh, but I couldn’t soften the words I was saying. “I’ve been doing this shit for years, and participated in ‘scenes’ you couldn’t even begin to imagine. I go to a club that’s for experienced players. I like things you wouldn’t like. No, I know you wouldn’t like them,” I added, when she opened her mouth to speak. I got out of the bed, my erection disappeared from sheer angst. “You should go to bed.” I guided her toward my door. Her bare arm felt warm and soft under my palm as I urged her along. “We’re both going to forget that you went into my dungeon, and that we had this conversation.”
“But…if this is the reason we can’t be together…”
“Alice.”
“You kissed me once. We made out. Your body told me you wanted me.” Tears formed in her eyes, even as she stubbornly set her teeth. “You kissed me like you loved me. I don’t understand why this has to stand between us. Love overcomes everything.”
Damn it. I couldn’t deal with her tears. I took her face in my hands. “Love can’t overcome this. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“But I want you to hurt me. Hurt me!” Her voice had risen to a cry, her tears spilling over. “What you’re into—it can’t hurt any worse than never having you when I love you so much.”
She didn’t get it. She didn’t understand, but she wasn’t going to leave it alone, and I wanted to fuck her every minute of every day.
Fine. I’d fuck her, just once, just to release the sexual tension that had built up between us. I’d let her “have me,” so she could get over it, but I wouldn’t hurt her. I’d control myself, and she’d see that I was a man like any other, that pining after me wasn’t worth her tears.
No, that’s a horrible idea. Send her to her own room. Don’t fuck her.
It was too late. My fingers drove into her hair, messing up her pretty little braids. I pressed against her in the doorway, my hot skin cooled by her virginal white nightgown. Blue slunk away down the hall, to his bed in the living room, because he always ran away from things that unsettled him.
“You want me, don’t you?” she asked in a small voice, searching my gaze.
“I want you too damn much.” I meant it as a warning. For emphasis, I pressed my swollen cock against her belly, hard, but she wasn’t deterred. I needed someone to step in and stop me, right now, but there was no one but us, and I was lost in the scent and feel of her body.
“This is such a bad idea,” I said, fingering the hem of her cotton nightie. “A horrible idea. We shouldn’t do this.”
“We were always going to do this.”
“Damn you.” I inched her nightgown up, running my fingers over the tops of her thighs. As long as I stayed in control, I could go slow, treat her like a lady, all that shit she’d expect from me.
“We’re not going to my dungeon,” I ground out. “We’re not doing any BDSM shit.”
She gave me a look that said, oh, really, because I was already pressing her against the doorjamb with too much force. “Just take me,” she said. “That’s what I want.”
Fine. I was going to take her. She wanted it, I wanted it, and my bed was just a few footsteps away. She started to pull off her nightgown, but I stopped her.
“Come here. Come with me.” She looked at me in confusion as I dragged her toward the bed. “I want you to leave it on, because I don’t want to go too fast.”
“I want you to go fast.”
I pulled her against me and pressed a finger over her lips. “You’d better fucking behave.”
Already, as I held her, I had one of her arms twisted behind her back in some instinctive urge to control. She pressed into me, her gorgeous tits rubbing against my chest. I willed the monster inside me to calmness and released her long enough to guide her back onto the bed. My cock was ablaze. Fuck, I needed a condom. Too many days of foreplay had me ready to fall on her and impale her, thrusting like a beast.
No, I needed this to last longer.
I needed her naked.
I needed to be inside her, gentle and slow.
Her nightgown had buttons at the top, and I started undoing them with gritted teeth. She stroked my face, tracing a finger along my jaw. I shuddered, hovering over her, my heavy cock barely contained by my boxers. When these barriers were gone, I’d shove inside her. Excitement choked me, undoing my self-control, muting my internal warnings. I pulled the nightie over her head and threw it away, and slipped a hand down her panties. White panties with little pink hearts. They were gone as soon as I touched them, shoved down her legs.
That was me shoving them down, ripping them, yanking her legs apart to get at her secret core. I tasted her first, dipping my head to drag my tongue along her center. Oh God, the taste of her, after all this time. She arched, grabbing my hair as I sucked on her clit. Too much? Too rough? She groaned and planted her feet on my bed, letting me have her. She tasted like joy and energy, and all the forbidden fantasies I’d locked out of my mind.
I crooked an arm around one of her thighs so she couldn’t close her legs, even when I moved away to explore other parts of her. I kissed up her stomach, her soft, sweet belly, and then her breasts with taut, rounded nipples. I wanted to bite her and mark her, pinch those nipples until she screamed and begged me to stop. No, no, no… I kissed her shoulder blades and traced her neck with my tongue. She moved her head back, away from me, sighing, and I realized the hand that wasn’t holding her leg was wrapped around her neck, squeezing too hard. My hand, choking her.
But she wasn’t pulling away. I felt a terrifying rush of dominant adrenaline, felt a little more of my control ebb away. Her hips undulated against me, inviting me to take her. Her fingers traced my waistband, tugging at my boxers. I let go of her leg and pinned her with my body instead, grinding against her hot, damp center with the head of my cock encased in thin cotton. Already, the sensation was too much.
I’d felt close to her so many times. When we made music, when we ate and laughed together, when I’d held her after her apartment disaster, but none of those times was anything like this. I felt transformed by desire, blinded, shocked at how much I wanted her.
How much I wanted to hurt her.
I pulled away with a gasp. “Wait.”
She clutched at me. “What?”
“Just…give me a minute. I don’t want to go too fast.” I clenched my teeth from the effort of staying in control. “Okay. Protection. I have a condom in the…the drawer.”
I kicked off my boxers and reached to get a rubber, hat
ing the feeling of being apart from her. I rolled on the condom by sheer force of will, the will to protect her, because what I really wanted was to come inside her with nothing between us. I wanted everything. All of her.
I studied her to be sure this was what she wanted, although I was afraid, at this point, it would be impossible for me to stop. Her eyes were glued to my cock, which was engorged and jutting and so fucking hard it hurt.
“You’re big,” she said.
For the first time, she looked as if her courage might falter. Yes, I’m big. I’m mean. I’m bad and rough. That’s why I tried to say no to you, say no to this. “We don’t have to do this,” I said, breathless with lust for her. “We probably shouldn’t do this.”
She opened her arms to me in answer. Instead of hugging her, I grasped her forearms and pressed them to the bed like the forceful, dominant animal I was. Had I imagined I could control myself, keep the lid on these urges, when she was the woman I’d always wanted most in my life? I parted her legs with my knees, spread them wide so she had no way to stop me as I pressed inside her.
Stop me. Tell me to stop.
She held my gaze and bared her teeth, taking my girth without complaint, my braided, brazen Nordic princess. She was so wet and tight. I died as I eased inside her, holding her arms so hard I probably bruised her. I didn’t want her to move, because that might make me fall apart. The whole fucking world spun around me, but I couldn’t let her move, because I was only just driving inside her and it was already the best sex I’d ever had. Her walls gripped me, triggering every nerve ending in my dick. She whined, a soft animal whine, and I was about to lose it again.
“No,” I said as she arched against me. “I’ll hurt you.”