His calm, soothing voice and piercing gaze quieted my racing heart. Well, kind of. We’d spent the last couple days talking about fear and life and love, in between tons of fucking and make-out sessions where he kissed me senseless. I stared at his lips, his straight teeth, his pilot cap’s shining insignia and braided trim. He was so capable. Statistically, I would probably be safe.
“Okay, I can do t
his,” I said.
“Good girl. Trust me, once you’ve flown in the jump seat, you’ll be hooked on the experience. You’ll want to be in the cockpit every time you’re on an airplane. You’ll be badgering me for flying lessons.”
My breath leaked out in a gasp. “Why don’t we take things one step at a time?”
“Agreed.” He led me the rest of the way to the plane and helped me stow my bag before he escorted me into the cockpit. It wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t as cramped as I’d feared. He introduced me to the first officer for the flight. I was too nervous to catch his name, since I was busy calculating his adequacy as a pilot. He seemed serious, physically capable, and not drunk. He was younger than Captain Ross, so hopefully no heart attack.
Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Everything would be fine.
Devin showed me the jump seat, which folded down from the cockpit wall. “Yes, it’s as safe as any normal seat,” he said as he helped me buckle in. “And you’ll be able to see everything through the windshield. There are some beautiful views on the way over the lake and into the city.”
“Okay,” I said. That was all I could manage, okay. Everything was okay, because he said it would be okay. I looked out the front windows, at busy airport workers and vehicles. On a nearby runway, a plane taxied and took off.
“Holy crap,” I said under my breath. There were a thousand controls on the dashboard, in front of the pilots, over them. “You know how to use all those buttons and levers?” I asked.
He turned and smiled at me. “I do. Every one of them. Take a deep breath and relax for me, okay? We’ll get you home safe, get you back to your nerd job before they dock your pay. The ACE Consortium needs your brain.”
There was little left of my brain after the last couple days in Devin’s hotel room, but I was looking forward to returning to work, especially now that I understood it could coexist with a healthy relationship.
A flight attendant poked her head in and asked if she could get me anything. I declined, clinging to the seat belt’s shoulder straps. Devin turned and checked on me every few minutes while he was doing pre-flight checks. If I wasn’t so scared, I would have found it sexy, the careful, measured back-and-forth as Devin and his first officer went over the printed checklists in their hands. Check, check, armed, check, operational, check.
Too soon, we were backing away from the jet way and proceeding to…oh my God…takeoff. It was a beautiful day, and both Devin and his co-pilot were relaxed. I tried to relax too, rubbing my sweating palms against my jeans.
It was loud as we taxied, with lots of engine noise, but I knew now that was a good thing. Engine noise meant there was plenty of fuel. Pressurizing air rushed against my face as the plane lumbered across the tarmac. It wasn’t a huge plane, but it was big and full of passengers, and all these people were running around the tarmac, and oh my God…
We turned onto a runway. I braced myself, then tried to look okay when Devin turned to give me a thumbs-up. I couldn’t freak out, no matter how scared I was. I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his colleague, or cause some airline incident that would be on the news: Crazed, Frothing Passenger Bursts From Gibraltar Cockpit.
Okay, okay, okay.
“Ready?” Devin asked. “We’re about to accelerate.”
I nodded over the engine noise, then the plane started moving forward, fast, then faster, until lines, numbers, and distance markings whizzed past us at a terrifying pace. Just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, Devin moved the controls and the plane’s nose lifted. Within seconds, the runway was behind us, falling away, and we were climbing above Toronto, away from the earth. Oh God, we were taking off. Heading up. No turning back now.
I held onto the jump seat cushion as Devin and the other pilot—whose name I still didn’t know—operated the flight instruments with choreographed teamwork. Although my stomach rose into my throat, there was something hypnotic about watching them control this huge machine.
I moved my hands to my knees and closed my eyes, processing the engine’s noise as a kind of meditation. We’re okay. We’re safe. Beneath that hum, I could hear Devin’s steady voice communicating with the air traffic tower. I felt the plane start to turn and opened my eyes. In the back, the turns always felt wild and dangerous. Now I watched Devin control the turn with a movement of his fingers. It was like science: action and result.
We climbed in silence as I stared at the back of Devin’s neck. He was in control. He would take care of me. I let out a breath and felt some of my fear ebb away. Not all, but enough. As we cleared the line of clouds, a glowing horizon stretched beyond the windshield, a breathtaking collage of sky and sun as far as I could see. It was scary, yes, but beautiful, just like my feelings for Devin.
“Hanging in there?” he asked. He looked back at me, his profile outlined by luminescent clouds.
“Yes,” I cried over the engines’ noise. “You’re right, this is amazing. It’s like the sky goes on forever.”
He reached to squeeze my hand, just for a moment, and his gaze was more compelling than anything I saw outside. I might obsess over barely detectable gravitational waves in some quest to figure out the universe, but there was nothing to figure out when it came to Devin. I loved him, and I knew he loved me.
Time might move backwards and forwards, a never-ending slide of existence, but here and now, Devin was with me and that was all that mattered. We’d make our own version of forever, both of us moving forward into an endless, luminous sky.
THE END