Once the blood on her body was gone, she set about trying to scrub the traces of blood from her night shift, to no avail. She ended up throwing it into a sopping ball on the floor. She couldn’t bear to wear it again anyway. The blood reminded her of the pain, and of August pressing inside her in that forceful, smarting way. It reminded her of his large, hard body and the shocking ways he’d touched her.
And then, in morning’s light, how horrified he’d been. How confused, how angry…and yet he had defended her before all of them, even before her furious brother, who very well knew what a muckling addle-brain she was. August had announced, I’ll marry Minette as soon as can be done. I shall make things right. He’d asked to marry her in her dreams a thousand times, but in her dreams it had been out of love and desire for her, not an unwanted consequence of her stupidity.
So she couldn’t be happy about it, not yet. Maybe someday, if August forgave her, and her brother got over the fact that she’d humiliated him in front of all his friends. She didn’t know when that day might be. At the moment, it felt very, very far away.
“Minette?” Aurelia poked her head in the door as she was drying her hair. “Are you done bathing? May I come sit with you?”
“Yes, I’m done.” She’d washed and washed, although she still didn’t feel clean. Her friend’s sympathetic expression nearly started her crying again.
“Please don’t look at me that way,” Minette said. “As if I am someone to be pitied. I did a horrible thing. I am a horrible person who ought to be scorned.”
Aurelia embraced her and led her over to an upholstered divan. “I’m not going to scorn you. You’re my friend, and friends stick together when things like this happen. And truly, everyone realizes you didn’t do it on purpose. Hunter told me what happened, that you’d sleepwalked into August’s bed, that you’d done such things since you were a girl, and never had any control over it.”
“I could have left once I woke up.” Minette pulled in her knees and laid her forehead against them. “I ought to have left, but it felt so good...up until... Oh, dear.” She looked ruefully at her friend. “I didn’t know.” She felt ridiculous to say it, but Aurelia nodded in an understanding way.
“Believe me, Minette, I had no idea either. The first time Hunter and I...” A flush rose in her cheeks. “Well. Ladies ought to know more than they’re told. We oughtn’t to be left to discover these matters at the point of crisis. The Townsend wedding night was an absolute nightmare. I didn’t want to be there, and I didn’t want to be married to him.”
“Did he hurt you?”
Aurelia studied her a moment. “Did August hurt you?”
Minette didn’t know how to answer. “He did, I suppose, but I think it would have been very hard for him not to. It was a matter of...” She made some helpless gestures with her fingers, pantomiming his largeness and the rather small space he’d put it in. “I don’t think he meant to be rough, but there was blood afterward.”
“Don’t worry about the blood. I’ve already had the housekeeper throw the sheets away, and she won’t tell a soul. But it’s frightening to see it there, isn’t it? I assure you, it only happens the first time.”
Tears pooled in Minette’s eyes. “The thing was, it felt so good before that.”
“I’m glad. Good for August. I suppose Hunter tried to make me feel pleasant on our wedding night, but I was a shrinking wretch.” She pulled a face of wide-eyed terror that made Minette giggle through her tears. “If August didn’t throw you over his lap and spank you, then you’ve already had a better first experience than me.”
“Lord Townsend spanked you on your wedding night?” Minette was aghast. “Whatever for?”
“For resisting him. I had no intention of letting him anywhere near me with that...” It was Aurelia’s turn to sketch a poking, thrusting male member in the air. “It was a jolly scene, I assure you. Him flailing away at my bottom, and me crying and threatening to tell my father he’d been so bold as to try to”—Aurelia erupted in giggles—“consummate our marriage. I was a very prudish lady back then.”
“Did he still...consummate the marriage...after he spanked you?”
“Yes, he certainly did. I realize now how patient and careful he was, but at the time, I felt terribly abused. I cried myself to sleep afterward, as I remember, crouched under the bed sheets so he wouldn’t hear me. He slept in another room.”
Minette could barely imagine the scene. Lord Townsend and Aurelia were so close now, as to seem two halves of the same person. “I cried too,” said Minette. “Not because he hurt me or spanked me but because...” Another sob broke loose. “Because I’m ruined. Now I can’t have a proper wedding night. I always pictured it would be so romantic, with flowers and sweet talk, and gentle words of longing, and gazing into one another’s eyes.”
“And scolding and spanking, and crying one’s self to sleep.” Aurelia gave her a wry look. “Wedding nights are hardly ever as perfect as we wish them to be. It’s all right. You must look on the bright side, and think of all the lovely things to come. My goodness, Minette. Lord August is going to marry you. Isn’t it what you’ve wanted your entire life?”
“Yes, but not like this.” Minette couldn’t seem to get a grasp on her emotions. As soon as she started feeling better, some vision or memory of the night before assailed her peace.
“Oh, my dear girl.” Aurelia dabbed at her tears with a hanky and then went to answer the soft tap at the door. Josephine entered and flew to her side, and gathered her in a warm, fortifying hug.
“Josephine,” sobbed Minette, burying her head against her sister-in-law’s neck. “What am I to do?”
“Everything’s going to be all right,” she answered briskly. “You’re not to cry anymore. Townsend and Arlington would die before they’d breathe a word to anyone about what happened. Even Mrs. Everly is not to know. She slept through the entire incident, thank God. Everything will be fine.”
“Except that August has to marry me!”
Josephine drew back and regarded her with confusion. “Last night you were weeping about the loss of him, and now you’re weeping because you’re to be his wife?”
“He doesn’t want me for his wife,” Minette wailed. “Warren’s making him marry me against his will, and I’m sure he’ll hate me for it. This is such a coil.”
“It’s not a coil, and I can’t imagine anything so outrageous as August hating you. The two of you have been friends for years. And Warren isn’t making him marry you. August is marrying you because it’s the proper, respectful thing to do. I spoke to him, dear. His only concern is your well-being. He asked me to come here to be sure you were all right.”
“I’m not all right,” she said.
Josephine pulled Minette’s hands from her face and held them tight. “Certainly there will be some uncomfortable moments in the interim, but you and August will soon be happily wed. You only need to find that bright, cheery woman you normally are, and bring her back to face all this upheaval. You must smile and hold your head high and be the Minette we all know.”
Minette returned her sister-in-law’s concerned squeeze. “How is Warren?” she asked.
Josephine smoothed a wrinkle in Minette’s dressing gown. “He’s upset, of course, but he’ll come around. You know how he gets when it comes to his little sister.”
?
?He wants to punish me, I suppose.”
Josephine sighed. “He probably does, but I doubt he will. The truth is, you rather belong to August now.”
Aurelia and Josephine exchanged a look. Did they wonder if Lord August would punish her for trapping him into marriage? She had a sudden vision of herself bent over his lap while he walloped her on the bottom with his big, strong hand. She pressed her fingers against her eyes and willed the vision away. “I hope my brother does not stay angry very long,” she said instead. “I feel awful to have disappointed him so badly.”
“He’s not angry or disappointed as much as he’s worried about you,” said Josephine. “He’s looked after you so long and now he has to let you go. I think that’s what upsets him most. This was so...sudden. I’m not sure he was ready to lose you.” She traced one of Minette’s blonde curls. “I know I wasn’t. I’ve grown used to your company, and I’ll miss you terribly when you’re off at Barrymore Park being Lady Augustine.”
Lady Augustine. How many times had she dreamed of having that title? “You’re going to have a baby to keep you busy,” she pointed out. “You and Aurelia both.”
“And you’ll have one too, soon enough,” said Josephine. “All our children can be playmates and grow up and be fast friends like the three of us, and like the gentlemen. You’ll see, Minette. Everything will be well.”
“Yes,” Aurelia concurred. “It doesn’t matter how things begin, you see, but how they develop over time. Don’t give another thought to last night’s proceedings. Smile instead, and look to the future. Think about it this way—you could be Lady Priscilla, about to be cruelly jilted.”
“She deserves it,” said Minette, “for playing that awful baroque recital last night. Everyone will assume that’s the reason, don’t you think?”
Aurelia and Josephine burst into laughter and Minette managed to laugh along with them. That was her talent, after all, her gift to the world, as people often told her: to smile and be amiable, and make everything bright.
Chapter Four: The Thing About Swans