I heard the cane hit the wall across the room, and I heard the door slam when he stalked out of the room and left me there, and I lay there still and alone until long after dawn.
So in the end it wasn’t Frank or Byron who broke me, it was Matthew himself. He broke me and crushed me and smashed me and left me lying there in jagged pieces on the cold basement floor.
Chapter Eleven: Plans
I’m not sure what time it was when he came back to get me, but I was still lying in exactly the same place. I never wanted to move again, actually, and when he tried to pick me up, I struggled and hit out at him.
“Lucy.” His voice sounded tired. “Don’t fight me.”
He carried me upstairs and put me in the tub. I soaked in there for half an hour while he hovered around, and then he ordered me to wash my hair. When I ignored him, he washed it himself, and when he was done he had to help me out of the tub because my legs and my back were so tired and sore.
He dried me and made me lie down on the bed and again he massaged my bruised and welted ass with salve. After that he combed my hair out as I lay on my stomach. I never even lifted my head from the pillow. At some point while he did that I fell asleep, because when I woke up again, it was dinnertime on Sunday night. Matthew was there when I opened my eyes.
“Hello,” he said.
I said nothing back to him.
“Lucy,” he said, and then he stopped, and he didn’t say anything for a long time.
Finally, he said very matter-of-factly, “Lucy, I’ve decided to make another promise to you.
I’m never going to share you again. I decided I just don’t like it.”
“Oh, you decided that?” In ordinary circumstances, my tone would have gotten me slapped.
But he only frowned and said, “Yes,” and waited to see what my reply was to that.
My reply was, “I want to go home.”
“You’re not going home.”
“What do you want, Matthew? To beat me some more? To put some huge fucking gag in my mouth and make me drool and choke and then piss on me?”
“I had no idea, Lucy—”
“You’re a liar. You promised me truth.”
“Lucy—”
“Why did they call that woman Slave? What’s wrong with them? Why are they so sick?”
“They call her that because she likes it. Because she wants them to.”
“I’ve gone down on a woman exactly once in my life, and I’ll never even know her real name.”
“Her name is Gloria. And believe me, there’s nothing they do to her that she doesn’t completely revel in.”
“Do you like her?”
“I don’t care for her at all, to be perfectly honest with you.”
“But you want me to be like her.”
He snorted as if the idea was ridiculous. “No I don’t! God forbid you would be like her. I can’t stand her. She’s a total fake.”
“What do you mean, fake?”
“You know what I mean.” I thought for a minute and actually, I realized I did know what he meant. “She was better than me at everything, though. At the way she took pain.”
“I love the way you take pain, Lucy. I live for it.”
“Do you think I’m too skinny?”
“I think you’re perfect as you are. I’ve told you that before, many times, so don’t annoy me by fishing for compliments. Jesus, Lucy, they were just trying to fuck with your mind. And were successful at it, I might add.”
I kept asking questions, and he kept letting me, and the longer he let me, the braver I got.
“Why did you let them hurt me so badly? Why did you let them gag me like that? Let them mark my back?”
“I stopped them!”
“A little too late.”
“Do you want to know something, Lucy? You stupid little fuck. Do you even realize why they were so rough with you? Why they turned so completely against me? You’re a hundred times more real and sincere than Gloria. Gloria’s a pain whore. They’re never enough for her.
They can’t keep her happy, they can’t satisfy her. She tops them from below, and honestly, soon, she’s going to leave them. She’s got both their nuts clutched right in her hand. I don’t believe you couldn’t see that.”
I thought back over the evening, and his words made sense to me. It all became crystal clear.
“They were jealous of you.”
“Yes, jealous. Jealous of your honest, open reactions. Jealous of the fear you have, and the trust you place in me. Jealous of the noises you make that are real, not out of some porn movie.” I digested that for a moment, and suddenly Byron and Frank seemed so sad. No matter the cruelty, the fancy dungeon, the imaginative punishments, they would never be enough for her. It boggled my mind. It all seemed so sad and ugly, and not sexy at all.
“So why? Why did you take me there?”
“They wanted Slave to see you, to see if they could get through to her. They’re trying to save a relationship. But I’m sorry in hindsight that I got you involved. If Byron or Frank try to contact you, you’re not to talk to them. You’ll tell me immediately if they do.” I snorted. “Are you afraid they’ll try to steal your slave?”
“Don’t laugh. They will try. You’re not to go.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, God, Matthew.”
“I’m not kidding. Promise me. Swear to me now.”
“I promise.”
“Swear to me!”
“Okay, okay, I swear it.”
He just looked at me, frowning, and he looked really tired. I was afraid that soon he would cut off my questions.
“Last night, when we got home, why did you do that?”
His face was suddenly hard, his expression hooded. “You are my submissive, you remember. You agree to give yourself to me. You always have the safe word, which you did use.”
“You wanted to force me to use it. Why?”
“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
“I know,” I snapped. “But it would be nice if you did every once in a while.”
“Does it matter?” His whole face changed into a frightening furious mask. “Does it really matter why I did it? Your body is mine to use as I like! I can give you the most severe punishment I can dream up only because I felt like doing it to you. That’s what you signed up for. And you can stop coming anytime, as you know.”
He said that so coolly, my lips started to tremble.
“Do you want me to stop coming?”