It was his only choice. Philippe cared for his people; he would always put them first.
Maybe if Rafe had been able to convince Philippe to deal with Winter or Marcus, he wouldn’t be leaving now. Winter, with all his contacts and sneakiness, would have been able to find Piper’s attacker. By now, the Arsenaults would be free and safe again if everything had been left in Winter’s hands.
Rafe was just the family joke.
“Stop it!” Bel snapped in such a loud voice that Rafe nearly jumped. He’d gotten so lost in the swirl of his own thoughts, he’d forgotten his brother was standing right in front of him. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it’s pure poison. Stop it!”
“Bel, you don’t know what you’re talking about—”
“If that man,” Bel snarled, pointing behind him at the library, “has put these thoughts in your head, I will march in there and remove all his organs in alphabetical order while keeping him awake through the surgery.”
“I fucked up, Bel. I’ve just fucked up, and I’ve got to live with the consequences,” Rafe said once he could get past the gruesome image his brother had painted for him.
“I don’t understand. We can still find a way to fix this.”
Rafe shook his head. “No, it’s in Marcus’s and Aiden’s hands now. I…I’ve got to go. I can’t stay here right now.”
“Rafe, don’t,” Bel said, but Rafe was already walking toward the front door. He wished he could stay and celebrate with Lola, Gideon, and Ryder. They deserved to have this happy moment, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stand there and pretend that everything was okay, when he knew that Philippe was across the hall with Marcus and Aiden, forever tearing them apart. He needed to get out of there and get some air. There was no air in that house.
“It’ll be okay. We’ll talk soon.”
Maybe with a little time, he’d find the right words to say. He’d know how to purge all the emotions, and he could return to at least going through the motions of his old life.
Chapter Twenty-One
Halloween was usually the best holiday. Humans loved to dress up in their silly costumes and embrace a more carefree, no-consequences attitude than normal. Somehow, they believed nothing could hurt them while at the same time wishing to be scared by the monsters they thought weren’t real.
And of course, Rafe embraced all his vampiric nature that night. He did nothing to hide his fangs and he flaunted his power.
The humans would laugh, and the alcohol would flow.
But this year lacked all its usual enticements.
Rafe remained up in his office, watching the revelry from the windows. The music thumped against the glass, but he remained encased in silence. A nagging sense of unease curled in his stomach about leaving Marcus’s house early last evening. He apologized to his new family members more than once, but they brushed it off. Their little smiles, gentle pats on the shoulder, and slightly worried looks made it clear they understood why he couldn’t stay longer.
Annoying.
No, humiliating.
He never got wrapped up in anyone—man or woman. No one possessed his mind. His heart.
But that was all bullshit now. There wasn’t any point in lying to himself; he wanted Philippe.
There had been no new word from Marcus, Aiden, or anyone in his family since the meeting with Philippe and Jullien. He didn’t know how to take his family’s silence, which was ridiculous. Extended radio silence should be easy after Philippe’s refusal to talk to him.
A soft knock on his office door drew him away from the window and over to his desk. There had to be some paperwork he needed to sign or maybe some finances to look over. Ugh. He was starting to sound like Marcus. Maybe he should leave town for a little while. Regain some fucking perspective rather than risk becoming more responsible.
“Enter,” he barked, disgusted with his line of thinking.
Gideon poked his head in and glanced around. Something in Rafe eased, and he changed course to drop onto his sofa. He always had time for Gideon. The young vampire had a way of making the world a little easier to swallow.
Stopping a few feet from the sofa, Gideon frowned. “You still look grumpy. Last night’s ‘walk for fresh air’ ”—and yes, he even made the air quotes with his fingers—“didn’t help you at all.”
“Aiden should have added a caveat to you joining the clan. You’re not allowed to be friends with Ethan. He’s only going to increase your sass levels.”
Gideon’s laugh was musical and persistent as it tugged at the darkness crowding around his heart and mind. “Ethan is fantastic. I think we’re going to be great friends. Particularly when I move into the Varik house.”
“What?” Rafe said, sitting up so that he was balanced on the edge of the sofa.