Her eyes met his. No smile for him as she shrugged. ‘I only need one table.’
‘We’d like to share this one with you.’ He held his breath.
Adam wasn’t into finesse. He pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘What can I have to eat, Dad?’
Flynn didn’t take his gaze off Ally, saw her mouth soften as she glanced at his son. He said, ‘I apologise for earlier. I was completely out of line.’
She didn’t come close to smiling. ‘Really?’ Her gaze returned to him.
He took a chance and pulled out another chair. ‘Really. I should’ve had something in place for today—for whatever day Marie had her baby. Adam is my responsibility, no one else’s. It’s been on my list to arrange another sitter but I never got around to it.’ Much to his chagrin. He twisted the salt shaker back and forth between his fingers. ‘I was angry for stuffing up, and I took it out on you. I apologise for everything I said.’
Ally pushed the menu across the table, a glimmer of a smile on her lips. ‘I only ordered five minutes ago.’
That meant she accepted his apology, right? ‘Adam, do you want fried rice with chicken?’
‘Yes. Ally, are you coming for another sleepover tonight?’
Flynn’s stomach tightened. Too soon, my boy. Too soon. We need to have dinner and talk a bit before asking that.
Ally shook her head. ‘Not tonight. I need to do some washing and stuff.’ She was looking at Adam, but Flynn knew she was talking to him.
Two steps forward, one back.
She hadn’t finished. ‘Besides, I’m always extra-tired after a delivery and need to spend time thinking about it all.’ Her voice became melancholy, like she was unhappy about a bigger issue and not just about what he’d dumped on her earlier.
He gave the order to the woman hovering at his elbow and turned to lock eyes with Ally. ‘What’s up?’ How could he have been so stupid as to rant at her? Now she wasn’t staying the night, and who knew when she’d be back at his house, in his bed? Actually, he’d love nothing more than to sit down with a coffee or wine and try some plain old talking, getting to know each other better stuff. When she didn’t answer he continued, ‘What does a birth make you think about?’
‘Everything and nothing. That whole wonderful process and a beautiful baby at the end of it. Like I told you the other day, I find it breathtakingly magical.’ Her finger was picking at a spot on the tabletop. ‘Yet I’m the observer, always wondering what’s ahead for this new little person.’
‘Do you want to have children someday?’ Didn’t most people?
The finger stopped. Ally lifted her head and looked around the diner, finally bringing her gaze back to him.
‘No.’
‘You’d be a great mother.’
Silence fell between them, broken only when Ally’s meal arrived. But she didn’t get stuck in, instead played with the rice, stirring and pushing it around the plate with her fork.
Adam asked, ‘Where’s my dinner?’
Flynn dragged his eyes away from Ally and answered. ‘We ordered after Ally so it will be a few more minutes.’
Ally slid her plate across to Adam. ‘Here, you have this one. It’s the same as what you ordered.’
‘You sound very certain—about no children of your own,’ Flynn ventured.
‘I am.’
‘That’s sad.’
‘Believe me, it’s not. If I’d had a child, that would be sad. Bad. Horrible.’ The words fell off her trembling lips.
He couldn’t help himself. He took her hand in his and was astonished to feel her skin so cold. ‘Tell me.’
‘I already did.’ She’d found a point beyond his shoulder to focus on.
While he wished they were at home in the comfort and privacy of his lounge, he kept rubbing her hand with his thumb, urging her silently to enlighten him, let out what seemed to be chewing her up from the inside. ‘Only that you were abandoned. Doesn’t that make you determined to show yourself how good you’d be?’
Their meals arrived and they both ignored them.
‘My mother didn’t want me. I grew up in the welfare system. Moved from house to house, family to family, until I was old enough to go it alone.’ Her flat monotone told him more than the words, though they were horrifying enough.
‘Your father?’
‘Probably never learned of my existence—if my mother even knew who he was.’
‘You know,’ Flynn said gently, ‘your mother may have done what she did because she did love you. If she wasn’t in a safe situation, or wasn’t able to cope, it might have been that giving you up was her way of protecting you. Haven’t you ever worked with women in that position?’
‘Yes,’ Ally admitted slowly. ‘But if it was love, it didn’t feel much like it to me.’
Flynn hated to think of Ally as a kid, adrift in the foster-care system without a steady and loving upbringing. It wasn’t like that in all cases, he reminded himself. Anna’s brother and sister-in-law had two foster-children that they loved as much as their own three. But look at Ally. Adorable, gorgeous, kind and caring. What’s not to love about her? Was that his problem? Had he fallen for her? Nah, couldn’t have. They’d only known each other a little more than two weeks. Hardly time to fall in love, especially when they knew nothing about each other. Except now he did know more about Ally than he would ever have guessed. And he wanted more. He could help her, bring her true potential to the fore.
Ally tugged her hand free, picked up her fork. ‘See? You’re speechless. It’s shocking, but that’s who I am, where I come from, what I’ll always be. Now you know. You were right. I shouldn’t have been in charge of Adam, even if by proxy. I know nothing about parenting.’
No. No way. Flynn grabbed both her hands, fork and all. ‘Don’t say that. I’d leave Adam with you any day or night. Today was me being precious. Since Marie and I are friends, I felt a little left out. Plain stupid, really.’
Ally tried to pull free, but he tightened his grip.
Finally she locked the saddest eyes he’d ever seen on him. ‘Are we a messed-up pair, or what?’ she whispered.
I’m not messed up. I get stuff wrong, but I think I’ve done well in moving on from Anna’s death and raising our son.
‘I am determined to do my absolute best for Adam, in everything.’
‘You’re doing that in spades.’
‘So why do I feel guilty all the time?’
Her brow furrowed. ‘About what?’
About Adam not having his mother in his life. ‘I try to raise him as his mother wanted.’ This was getting too deep. He aimed for a lighter tone. ‘Eating raw vegetables every day and never having a sweet treat is too hard even for me, and I’m supposed to make Adam stick to that.’ But it isn’t always what I want, or how I’d bring my boy up.
Her fingers curled around his hands. ‘That’s not realistic. Even if you succeed at home, the world is full of people eating lollies and ice cream, roast vegetables and cheese sauces.’ At last her eyes lightened and her mouth finally curved into a delicious smile that melted the cold inside him.
The smile he looked for every day at work, at night in his house. ‘Like Danish pastries, you mean.’
‘You’ve got it.’ Her shoulders lifted as she straightened her back. Digging her fork into her rice, she hesitated. ‘I haven’t known you very long, but it’s obvious how committed you are to your son, and how much you love him. Believe me, those are the most important things you can give him.’
Said someone who knew what it was like to grow up without either of those important things. He answered around a blockage in his throat, ‘Thank you. Being a solo dad isn’t always a level road. Scary at times.’
‘It’s probably like that when there are two parents. Come on, let’s eat. I’m suddenly very hungry.’
‘Something you and Adam have in common. You’re always hungry.’ The last hour being the exception.
She grinned around a mouthful of chicken and rice.
His stomach knotted. He loved that grin. It was warm and funny. But now he understood she used it to hide a lot of hurt. Hard to imagine her childhood when he’d grown up in what he’d always thought of as a normal family. Mum, Dad and his brothers. No one deliberately hurt anyone or was ungrateful for anything. Everyone backed each other in any endeavours. When Anna had died he’d been swamped with his family and their loving support to the point he’d finally had to ask them to get back to their own lives and let him try to work out his new one.
‘Dad, can I have ice cream for pudding?’
Ally smirked around her mouthful.
‘Gloating doesn’t suit you.’ He laughed. ‘Yes, Adam, you can. Ask that lady behind the counter for some while Ally and I finish our dinner.’