No, the complication came from the fact that she’d enjoyed it, hadn’t wanted Mitch to stop.
This was not what she’d come to Auckland for.
Or was it? Deep down in that dark corner had she been hoping for a reunion with Mitch? A kiss-and-make-up, fairy-tale ending to the years of anguish?
‘If that’s what you’re wanting, you’re in deep water. Mitch is still on the run from himself. You’re going to get left behind and be angry at him for that when it will be your own fault for even thinking you could make it work again.’
Straightening up, Jodi turned and opened the car door again. Peeking in the back, she saw Jamie was dozing. At least he wouldn’t have seen that kiss. Did it matter if he had?
Who knew? He might accept Mitch more readily if he thought Mummy liked this new man who had started hanging around a bit.
What Jamie wouldn’t understand was that Mummy more than liked him, had always more than liked him.
Time to head back to the motel and put Jamie to bed for an hour. But as she drove slowly along the road the thought of that dark, cold unit did not excite her. At the intersection she looked left and right. To heck with it. She’d head for One Tree Hill. If Jamie stayed asleep then he was getting his nap anyway. If he woke up she’d show him the sights of Auckland.
And try to push that kiss down into the dark hole where all her other great Mitch memories were stored, gathering dust.
At the top of the hill she parked and went to sit on the stone wall where she could see Jamie and yet have the fresh air blowing around her cobweb-filled head. She tried not to think about anything.
But that kiss had startled her, not to mention it had quickly awoken a need inside that she doubted would be easily ignored.
Cars came and went, disgorging tourists who talked in many languages as they pointed out landmarks to each other. When Jamie grizzled she went and freed him from the seat belt and lifted him down to the pavement.
‘Let me carry him.’ Mitch stood in front of her, wariness in those unsettling eyes.
‘That’s the second time in less than an hour you’ve sneaked up on me.’ There was a wobble in her voice that annoyed her.
‘It wasn’t intentional. Either time.’ He reached down for Jamie. ‘Hey, sport. Want to see Auckland?’
She followed slowly, wondering why he’d returned. She had no idea. It was as though he was on an elastic rope, pinging back and forth. Now she saw him. Now she didn’t. Now she did.
At the wall, Jamie stood on the top so he could see the city sprawled out below. Gripping her jacket, he asked, ‘What’s that over there, Mummy?’
‘That’s the harbour bridge,’ she told him, hoping they were looking at the same thing. ‘And that skinny tall building with a knob on top is the Sky Tower.’
‘Can I go up there?’ Jamie asked.
‘When you’re a bit bigger.’ When you can go alone and I don’t have to suffer vertigo.
‘Why do I have to be big?’
‘It’s a Mummy rule.’
‘That works?’ Rare amusement laced Mitch’s question.
‘On a good day.’ She tried to smile back and managed some sort of twist to her mouth.
His amusement faded, replaced by seriousness. ‘Why did you come to Auckland? Was it only so Jamie could get the best medical care? Or did you come for my undivided attention and support? Hoping I’d drop everything to be by your side now that you’ve decided to tell me I’m a parent?’
Jodi flinched. And considered his questions. He had every right to ask. ‘Both reasons.’ She paused, thought it through some more. This was too important to muck up. There was a third reason, the most important one. But she was afraid to bring that out into the cold light of day yet. More than that, she’d prefer Mitch to broach it first. ‘At least I think so.’
‘Explain.’
I’m trying, without pushing you too hard. ‘From the moment I heard about Lucas Harrington, nothing would’ve kept me from bringing Jamie to see him. At first I thought that’s all it would be—a visit. Maybe a few visits, depending on the outcome of the consultation. Then back to Dunedin while we waited to see what could be done.’ She rubbed Jamie’s back absentmindedly. ‘You’ve got to understand that Jamie comes first, second and third with me. Whatever’s important for him is important for me. Nothing and no one will get in the way of that.’ Not even you. Despite that bone-melting kiss.
‘I’d never doubt it. You’ve always had the right instincts when it comes to other people so you’d be no different with your own child.’
So what did he doubt? That her altruistic claims regarding his role were false? ‘I was wrong not to tell you I was pregnant. It was wrong not to let you know we had a son. But at the time it felt like the right thing to do for me. I can’t change that.’
‘I’m happy to let it drop, Jodi. As you say, we can’t undo anything.’
Astonishment caught her. Blinking back sudden tears—darn, but there were a lot of those this weekend—she leaned over and kissed his cold cheek. ‘Thank you.’
Together they stared out over the city, Jodi wrapping her arms around Jamie for added warmth. Then she gave Mitch a little more of herself. ‘When Dad went to prison, Mum worked every hour of the day and night, trying to get ahead, trying to prove to the townspeople she could be a success and that Dad’s criminal habits hadn’t rubbed off on her. I really didn’t factor into her plans in any way other than as a child to be fed, clothed and educated.’ She paused, added qui
etly, ‘I know Mum loved—loves me. But it was a lonely, cold way to grow up. She was never there for me. I didn’t want sandwiches. I wanted hugs and mother-daughter talks.’
‘Did you think I’d act in a similar way with my child?’ There was no condemnation in his voice, only a need to know. Which was kind of sad.
Yet she couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. It had been collecting for a long time. ‘And wouldn’t you have? Isn’t that why we broke up? You were always too busy for me. I was like your car: handy when needed otherwise best left parked up. Not the sort of man I wanted for Jamie’s father.’ But she could’ve dealt with that if only she’d given him a chance.
‘That night of your birthday I was dealing with an emergency and couldn’t get away.’ He ground out the words.
‘Mitch, you could never get away. There were always emergencies. There were other doctors available. You didn’t try hard enough. You didn’t even consider that a text to say you weren’t going to make it would be preferable to leaving me sitting in the middle of the restaurant while I copped pitying looks from all the other diners.’
‘I was pushing you.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Like a test. Waiting, watching for your breaking point, which to me was inevitable. The closer we got, the harder I pushed.’
‘So I passed the test with flying colours. And in doing so failed you.’ And me. It was all beginning to make sense at last. If only she’d known more about Mitch’s insecurities back then, how different the last three years might’ve been.
‘Mummy, I’m cold.’
Oh, heck. ‘Jamie, love, sorry. We’ll go back to the motel now.’ She had a lot to think about regarding Mitch and her role in this screwed-up situation.
‘Don’t want to go to bed. I want chicken nuggets.’
She picked Jamie up and headed for the car.
‘Jodi.’ Mitch spoke softly as he opened the door for her to place Jamie in his car seat. ‘You’re right. I should’ve let you know I wasn’t going to make it that night. I let it get out of hand. I didn’t text or phone and you kicked me out. Over and done. That’s history. Since you’ve turned up again I’d like us to find a way to get along, at least for Jamie’s sake, while his health is sorted.’