‘That is so cruel.’
‘My adoptive family is loving and sharing. Ma and Pa were always putting their hands in their pockets for anyone to the detriment of themselves. They now live in a run-down bungalow in a bad part of town.’ And refuse any offer of financial help. After all they’d done for him it saddened and maddened him. ‘But despite everything they did for me, gave me, how much love I got, they weren’t my parents. And my cousins were exactly that. Cousins. Not my twin brother.’
‘Yes, that would suck, big time. What about Max’s family?’
‘He landed into a very wealthy home with people who made high demands on their adopted son. I’m not even sure they wanted children so why they adopted him is a mystery, except to get one over Harry. I lived in Ashburton; Max lived in Auckland. We never saw each other except for a couple of awkward visits.’
As a young boy, Mitch had spent years searching for Mum and Dad, and Max, at every turn of the road, in every shop, on the bus. When he had been a teen he’d run away to Auckland in search of his brother, only to be rebuffed. He couldn’t do any of that to Jamie, no matter how much he might want to be a part of the lad’s life. He knew how desertion hurt deeply, irrevocably.
Mitch flicked a quick glance in the rear-view mirror at Jamie, sitting in his special seat. My spitting image. How could I leave him? How could he not get to know the boy?
How could he ignore the burning question he saw in Jodi’s eyes every time he looked at her?
Focusing on driving so he could briefly abandon thoughts of Jodi and his son, he took the Greenlane turn-off. But the despair and worry over what to do did not back off. As if it was likely to. Somehow over the next few weeks he had to come to some decisions about Jamie.
But, wow, he was a dad to a cracker of a little guy. Despite thinking he wanted to hightail it as far away as possible, there was a spark of interest and yearning that, if he admitted to it, would never let go of its hold over him. He wasn’t going to do a runner. He didn’t know what he would do, how he’d make it all work, but he would do his damnedest for Jamie. And Jodi.
Could he commit to this child? If he gave Jamie his all, would it work out for them both? Doing so would keep Jodi in his life one way or another, too. Did he want that?
His gut clenched. Was that a no? Or a yes?
Why would he suddenly get a relationship right when he’d not managed one so far in thirty-six years?
*
Back at the motel, Jodi held the door open as Mitch carried a tired and grizzly Jamie inside to his bed and laid him down. ‘Time you had a wee sleep, sport.’
‘Don’t want to,’ said Jamie around a big yawn. ‘Where’s Mummy?’
‘Right here, sweetheart.’ Jamie had looked so right in his father’s arms. Startling how similar they were, not only physically but also in their expressions. Right now Jamie wore that frustrated expression that twisted his face whenever things weren’t going his way. She’d seen that expression on Mitch’s face more often than she could count.
She was still getting her head round Mitch’s shocking revelation about his parents’ deaths and the upbringing he’d had afterwards. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it must’ve been like to be separated from his twin. No wonder he had commitment issues. If only he’d listen if she told him she believed that having had an unusual upbringing didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of being a great dad. More than many men, he’d understand how important it was to be there for his child. Unfortunately she had no chance of getting that message across.
‘Mummy, where’s blankie?’
She hurried to fetch the old baby blanket Jamie refused to go to bed without. ‘Here it is, and I’ve got some medicine, too.’ When Jamie opened his mouth to protest she slid the full spoon into his mouth.
‘Yuck.’ He shook his head in disgust.
Her heart expanded. She loved her boy so much. Today’s confirmation from Lucas about the transplant had been hard to swallow, despite knowing it was coming, and yet now that she’d had time to calm down she found she was ready. Bring it on. Then they could get on with their lives.
‘Who’s a good boy, then?’ She kissed the top of his head. Felt the heat on his skin. A flare of worry almost blinded her. She’d need the thermometer. In a moment. First things first. ‘Okay, let’s take your clothes off and tuck you in all nice and snug.’
Mitch held a squirming Jamie while Jodi deftly whipped his top and trousers off. ‘Want to take his temp when he’s settled? I’ll get your medical kit.’
‘Thanks,’ she muttered. So Mitch had noticed the heat on Jamie’s skin too. Didn’t he get the urgency of a transplant? Or was he avoiding the real issue here? He was a possible donor, a stronger candidate than anyone else. With a kidney from a compatible parent Jamie had far better odds of an excellent recovery and long-term good health. The first thing she’d done on learning Jamie had cystinosis had been to find out if she was compatible in preparation for this moment. Unfortunately, her own history of renal disease as a child had put her out of the running. And that had felt as thought she’d failed her child badly.
‘Want anything else?’ Mitch put her bag on the floor.
Your kidney. Closing her eyes to hide those words from him, she held her breath. Fought the impulse to grab Mitch and shake him into seeing things her way. Like that would really help. Even she knew Mitch had to make his own decisions on that score. Surely he got the urgency? Lucas did. Max did. She did.
‘Jodi? You all right?’
Of course not. Who would be? Part of her knew that if she rushed him into a decision, she was less likely to get the result she wanted: help to save Jamie’s life. The other part of her couldn’t care less if he was hurried, she needed to know. It was too late to keep Mitch away so she’d just have to deal with the fallout of whatever he decided to do.
Sighing, she said, ‘I’ll be a little while here. A story always helps calm Jamie down so that he drops off to sleep. Hopefully that’ll help bring his temperature down.’ Otherwise they’d be back to the hospital before the end of the day.
‘I’ll phone into work and see how they’re coping with the TV crew.’ Mitch backed out of the tiny room.
‘I like Mitch, Mummy.’
‘Me too.’ When she wasn’t thinking about kidneys and transplants. But now that she wasn’t stressing about tipping Mitch’s world upside down she was starting to see the man she’d once fallen for. Behind the concerns and questions lurked the charming side of him. Plus the caring, tender man. The humour hadn’t come to the fore but that was hardly surprising.
She could hear him talking on his phone, the words indistinguishable but that deep, velvety tone sent heat curling through her, reaching the tips of her toes, the muscles in her neck, and everywhere in between. She could almost feel his body under her palms, the smooth skin, the taut muscles, the latent strength.
For the first time since she’d taken her house key off him, memories of all the good times flooded in without any of the baggage getting in the way. It was as though, since arriving on Saturday, all that mess in her mind had washed away, finally leaving her free to get to know the father of her child all over again. Last time she’d known Mitch as a lover, a partner. How would she know him this time round?
How do you want to know him? Apart from as Jamie’s father?
The book in her hand shook. Moving her head left then right, left, right, she quashed the flare of panic. No, she wasn’t going down the Mitchell path again. He might be stepping up to the line about Jamie but she still couldn’t trust him to be there for her. Not as a husband or even as a lover. Definitely not for ever. That would be asking too much of him. Way too much. He’d openly admitted he couldn’t do it.
And since the only kind of relationship she’d ever agree to partake in involved total commitment and stability, she and Mitch were yesterday’s news.
Her stomach sank. Her blood slowed. Really?
Really. There was no future for her with Mitch.
&
nbsp; So why did her whole body feel so sluggish at that thought?
‘Jodi,’ Mitch whispered from the doorway. ‘Jamie’s sound asleep.’
‘Oh. That was quick, but I guess he’s exhausted after all the drama of meeting Dr Harrington.’ At least Mitch didn’t know where she’d been in her head. Tucking the cover under Jamie’s chin, she tiptoed out and carefully closed the door.
Mitch stood in the middle of the main room. His size made the walls shrink in on her. His gentle, caring gaze made her heart trip and her breathing falter.
This was a Mitch she’d not met before.
This was a Mitch she had to be very wary of if she wanted to remain untouched by him. She needed to keep her head straight and not give in to any fantasies about falling in love with him again.