He picked up a small stone and hurled it at the sea. ‘You got a raw deal.’
‘Huh? You reckon?’ Leaping to her feet, she stormed down to the water’s edge, her small hands clenched into fists at her sides.
He followed, stood beside her and waited impatiently. For what, he didn’t know, but there was more to come. It was there in her stance, in her face. Did he want to hear it? Yeah, he did. For whatever reason, he did.
*
I love him. Harper gulped, drew in a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. She loved Cody. End of. Yes, very much the end of.
Her anger intensified. How stupid could she get? Loving Cody was impossible. Not allowed. She’d never ask him to give up his dream of a family for her. Never. She kicked at the water, got splashed for her effort.
‘What went wrong for your husband to change his mind?’ Cody stood so close to her she could feel his heat, yet the gap between them felt as wide as the Cook Strait.
‘What’s the point of all this?’ she snapped.
‘Then I’d know.’ He sounded so damned reasonable.
‘Right. Then will you tell me why you never talk about your past? I doubt it.’ The air from her lungs hissed over her lips. ‘Take me back. Now. I’m done with this, with you.’ They had to break up one day, so it might as well be today when they were already at loggerheads.
Cody looked away, went back to staring at that blasted stretch of water between the two heads.
‘I loved Sadie very much.’
Harper waited, her temper not abating, but hovering, ready to explode. She wanted to hear him out, but he had to hurry. Her patience was at zero. Because she was hurting.
‘When I said she’d died…’ He paused and slowly met her gaze. ‘She was murdered.’
Slam. Her anger evaporated. Instantly she reached for his hand. It was cold in hers. ‘Oh, Cody, that’s appalling.’
‘She divorced her ex when he went to prison for fraud. We met around that time and fell head over heels in love, got married as soon as she was free, and life was sweet. Or so we thought.’
Harper continued holding his hand, shocked at what she was hearing.
‘I came home from work one day to find her lying in the lounge, bleeding out. I couldn’t save her. She never stood a chance once he stabbed her heart.’
Cody’s voice broke. ‘He planned it so I’d find her. He wanted me to pay for marrying his wife. He’d learned when I was home from a fishing trip, escaped from jail, headed straight for our house and waited until he heard me turn into the drive.’ Tears streamed down his cheeks. ‘I tried to save her. I did everything possible. It wasn’t enough.’
‘If her heart was stabbed it’s doubtful anyone could’ve done any better.’
‘That’s what the doctors told me. Didn’t help at all.’
That was when he’d changed careers; she’d bet on it. Wrapping her arms around him, she held him tight, feeling the ripples of anguish shaking his body.
It was a long time before Cody stepped away. He didn’t say anything.
Harper told him, ‘I’m sorry I made you relive that.’ She couldn’t not tell him now that he’d shared his horrific story. She owed him that much. ‘Darren said he didn’t care about not being able to have children with me. But he changed his mind and got another woman pregnant before he left me. Kind of like insurance, making sure the next woman in his life was fertile.’ The past was sour in her mouth. ‘I should be over this by now. I guess I am in some ways, but I’ll never trust another man about this again.’
More hurt spilled into Cody’s eyes.
She was sorry for that, but the truth needed to be put between them. ‘Don’t take it personally. It’s just I couldn’t stand to have my heart broken again.’
‘You think I can?’
‘I understand you can’t.’
‘So where does that leave us?’ he asked.
She swore under her breath. She loved him. But… ‘Even knowing each other’s history, understanding the pain we’ve both been through, caring about each other…’ She thought he cared for her. ‘What you and I have had isn’t going anywhere. It can’t. There’s a fundamental flaw in us having a long-term relationship. You would like a family. I can’t have one.’ She had to remind him, to put it out there again, just so that he didn’t try to avoid it. ‘End of.’
‘Thanks for nothing, Harper.’
‘Cody.’ she sighed. She could go on explaining herself, but what was the point? He’d understand more than most how she didn’t want to be hurt again. But would he understand she didn’t want to hurt him? ‘Can you take me back to my family?’
*
Cody wanted to race the bike down the motorway, break every speed restriction there was, go so fast he couldn’t think.
But he didn’t. Common sense prevailed. Just.
So Harper went home with him—in his head. Her words sliced him to shreds. They were finished. On her terms. End of.
‘End of what, Harper?’ he yelled as he flung the bike around the corner of his street. ‘I go and fall in love with you and you say it’s over.’
Not that he’d fessed up to his feelings. That old fear of getting hurt had raised its head the moment he’d opened his mouth to tell her he loved her back there on the beach. He’d wanted to, almost more than anything, but he hadn’t been able to say the words.
This morning he’d left home excited to be seeing Harper, and determined to move past the chilly week they’d endured, to resume their affair and move forward. He’d also been looking forward to spending time with her family. They’d drawn him in, made him comfortable and relaxed, eager to share their lives.
But at Jason’s place he’d heard the girls arguing, overheard Harper’s sister saying she loved him and Harper not denying it. That had caused something deep inside his heart to crack wide open. Love had spilled out, blinding him into thinking it might be possible to banish his fears. Then she’d dropped her bomb. She wasn’t having a relationship with him.
Which just went to prove he’d been right to remain uninvolved in the first place. Except he hadn’t; he had got in so deep there was no way out.
He loved Harper. No ifs, buts or maybes. He loved her.
And she’d tossed him. Easy as.
No. Be fair. Not so, if that anger and pain in her eyes was anything to go by. There’d be no going back on her statement, though. Her chin had jutted out in a ‘don’t argue’ gesture. Her hands had become fists at his waist as they’d ridden back to her brother’s house. And her abrupt nod goodbye had been like a knife to his heart.
At home he tore his helmet off and banged it down on the outdoor table by the garage.
Now what? He could open a load of beers and get blind drunk, or he could start on getting that railing fixed. Or he could grab one beer and sort the railing. Good idea.
He could also try and figure out where to from here with Harper. Hell. He slammed his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t got over the shock of realising he loved her yet. Loved her so much he’d go to the end of the earth for her
.
No, he wouldn’t; he couldn’t. That was terrifying. Pain had wedged in his heart today but it’d only get worse if he tried to follow through on his feelings. Harper had made his mind up for him about having children; she wasn’t letting him decide if he wanted them more than her. Why did she of all people do that? He’d been making his own mind up about everything he did from the day he’d learned to talk, yet she’d just walked all over him.
Which might be why Harper had got under his skin and annoyed the hell out of him. She wasn’t even giving him a chance to work out what he wanted, what was best for them both. She’d made a decision and that was that. He was not used to it.
From the day he’d walked out of those school gates he’d worked damned hard, had become wealthy by using his hands and brain and could hold his head high.
Cody drained the beer bottle in his hand and stared up at the building in front of him, waiting for the usual pride to suffuse his chest. This house stood as a testament to his success.
Though it might turn out to be a lonely dwelling if he couldn’t have Harper with him. His heart was now hers. What he did about that was still up in the air. Telling her he loved her and asking her to share his life meant exposing his fears. Not tell her, and he’d be giving up his dreams of a loving woman and family at his side. Harper was that woman. As for the children, they’d work something out if they were serious about each other.
Yep, which was why he’d start on nailing up that railing. He always thought best when doing manual work. Hopefully by the end of the day he’d have some answers.
*
The next week crept past so slowly, Harper thought she must’ve slept through a weekend and worked two weeks in a row.
On Friday afternoon she handed over to the incoming shift and slunk away quietly, not looking in Cody’s direction once. She couldn’t bear to see that sad expression that had been in his eyes every day since Sunday. He’d managed to avoid working with her most of the time, and in the few cases they’d shared he’d been exemplary in his manner towards her.