Cole placed her drink on the table before returning to his chair, this time sitting with his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped under his chin. ‘My left shoulder was dislocated, four ribs fractured, three fractures to my left leg. It could’ve been worse. My right side was spared. I also received a moderate concussion from impacting on the tarmac when I landed head-first.’
She wanted to cry, scream, be sick, to fling herself at him. Tremors rocked her, her fingers went rigid, and her mouth fell open. ‘Are you telling the truth? You are all right?’
‘Yes, I am. Not perfect, but functioning okay.’
Thank goodness. Relief poured in. Cole wasn’t so badly injured he couldn’t get on with his life. She should’ve been with him throughout his surgeries and rehab. He hadn’t asked for her. The disbelief was still ringing in her head. ‘You didn’t ask for me.’
‘No. I stalled the CO when he was determined to let you know what had happened and make arrangements for you to fly to Darwin to meet the plane I was medevaced out on.’
‘I’m down as your next of kin.’ The details were there in black and white on his contract. ‘Did he call your father instead?’
Cole shook his head. ‘No. I explained about the miscarriage and said I wanted to be the one to tell you about the accident when I had been operated on and my concussion was gone.’
‘Obviously, he agreed.’
‘Eventually. Mainly because I refused to have surgery until he did.’
‘You were that determined.’ It wasn’t a question. ‘Thanks a lot, Cole. It shows where we were even back then.’ She tried to stand, had to get away from him, but her legs had other ideas, dumping her back on the chair, so instead she reached for her glass, took a small sip, and waited for the pounding in her chest to subside enough not to feel like a jackhammer was at work.
Cole tipped his head back and drained his bottle. Then he looked at her again. ‘You’re wrong. I knew you were unhappy, and that there were things I’d screwed up, but I’ve always believed our marriage was in reasonable shape.’
‘Right,’ she snapped around the bitterness tainting her mouth. Last time he’d come home she’d told him how she felt she was waiting in the wings instead of putting a life together with him. It was also when she’d become pregnant. ‘You always expected me to be happy while I worked and waited for your short visits home.’
‘I was wrong. I know that.’ He watched her with such intensity it worried her. What was he about to say?
She remained silent, her fingers tapping the table top.
‘There was nothing I wanted more than to have you with me. But...’ He stopped.
Tap, tap, went her fingernails.
Finally, ‘I injured my spine. At first the doctors weren’t sure I’d walk again. You’d said we were over. I did not want you rushing to my side because you felt you had to take care of me.’
She stared at him, totally confused by his comment. And hurt beyond belief. Anger rose, unstoppable. She couldn’t do this. Toughen up. She had to. Had to hear him out even if he never listened to her. Then she could go ahead with getting on with her life. But first she’d listen to the rest of his story, and try not to give in to the horror of his injuries and fall into his arms. Because that was really what she wanted to do the most. ‘Go on.’
He went to the fridge, got another beer and brought the wine bottle over to top up her half-empty glass, though there was more on the table than had gone down her throat. ‘Even as I was flying through the windscreen I held onto my phone so tight the indents on my fingers were there the next day. I would not lose my only contact with you.’ He held up a hand as she went to protest. ‘No, I don’t remember your number off by heart. At least, I didn’t then. I do now.’
Too damned late.
She said nothing. What could she say that wasn’t full of anger and hurt and disappointment? And worry for Cole. Yet he’d had his phone all through whatever had happened after the accident and still hadn’t called her.
‘Vicki, I was desperate to talk to you, to hear your voice, to make sure you were coping, and get some comfort myself, but how could I expect anything when I hadn’t been there when you were miscarrying our baby? The pain and grief in your voice tore me apart. How could I think I deserved you to come to my side after that? After the other times I’d neglected you? I won’t use the excuse that I had no choice once I signed up with the army any more. I made that decision in the first place, so I manned up and took responsibility for letting you down, starting with not begging you to come to me when I was unable to go to you.’
‘Which is it, Cole? You felt guilty? Or you were afraid I’d come out of a sense of duty, not love?’
‘Both.’
She stared at this man who’d never once told her he could be selfish, never admitted he might’ve done the wrong thing by them when he’d signed up for the military. His answer was direct, and honest, and still filled with that stubborn pride so typical of him. Now what? Forgive and forget? The ball of anger and pain that had been with her for months was loosening, letting go a few of the strands that kept it wound tight. Could she let him off that quickly? That simply? Without explaining that she had a future of her own she wasn’t prepared to put aside to follow him wherever he chose to go. No, she still had a battle on her hands, but at least the hope had returned to flicker behind her ribs. ‘Were you admitted to a hospital in East Timor?’
‘Only to have my spleen removed by an American army surgeon, before being flown down to Darwin for orthopaedic surgeries the following day. It was a little like flying in ICU, the number of wires and tubes attached to me.’
She closed her mind on that picture. ‘Multiple surgeries?’
‘Yes.’
‘After a splenectomy.’ This only got worse every time he opened his mouth. The pain he must’ve suffered being transferred before those fractures had been dealt with. Vicki shuddered. ‘Cole, you should’ve told me. I would’ve been there as fast as possible, no matter what had gone down between us earlier. I’d have wanted to be with you, despite everything, not because I felt I had to.’
He nodded.
‘You told Conrad everything?’
He blanched. ‘Yes.’
Forget the fluttering hope. The flutter turned to lead. ‘Did he race to be with you?’ Honesty could be a bit much to swallow sometimes.
‘He came to see me in Darwin.’ His chest rose. ‘I made him promise not to say a word to you. He argued with me, and I’m sure he picked up the phone to call you more than once, but eventually I won.’
‘I bet he kept up to date with your progress.’ This hurt so much. She was his wife. She loved him. ‘You didn’t even mention anything during those few awkward calls we had.’ She might understand his restraint, but didn’t accept it. ‘That was wrong.’ What he’d done made her angry, sad, and very frightened. ‘I can’t forgive this in a hurry.’ If ever.
‘Vicki, sweetheart, I’m being straight with you, not hiding anything this time. I am sorry I’ve hurt you. I will make it up to you, if you’ll let me.’
Loud knocking on the front door interrupted her. Which was probably for the best. Who knew what would spill out of her mouth at the moment? She was hurting so much it blinded all common sense. Once spoken, words could never be taken back. Though right now she couldn’t think of anything she’d want to withdraw once uttered. Had she ever really known Cole? As in really, honestly, truly?
‘Vicki, you there?’ someone called out.
She leapt to her feet. ‘Helen?’ Thank goodness for intrusions. She could put her whirling mind on hold, unless Helen only wanted a cup of sugar.
The neighbour from three houses down stood at the door she’d opened, water pooling at her feet. ‘You’re needed. Bill’s fallen off his ladder onto the drive. He’s unconscious.’
* * *
Hearing what the woman said to
Vicki, Cole leapt to his feet, ignoring the pain in his leg, glad of a diversion. Seeing the emotions roiling in Vicki’s eyes had decimated his already broken heart. What had started out as trying to do the right thing by her had turned into the biggest mistake of his life, and it had kept growing until now he had no idea if he’d ever be forgiven and allowed the chance to rectify things in their marriage.
‘Cole, you hear that?’ Vicki called out. ‘Cole’s a doctor,’ she told the woman standing on the porch.
At least Vicki wasn’t denying he had a role to play in what was obviously an emergency, despite her anger at him. Anger he’d expected, and deserved. Telling her the truth only made resolving their differences all the harder, but honesty had to be a part of sorting this mess out. If they ever did. Telling her about his injuries and how he hadn’t called for her had been excruciating. Not least because he’d finally seen how wrong he’d been, how deeply he’d hurt her. That meant nothing was going to be as straightforward as he’d thought. Explain, apologise, and get on, that had been his hope. Not the reality, he saw now. Talk about being an idiot. Did he deserve her love when he could do this to her?
‘Cole?’
He shook his mind clear of their problems. He was right behind her. ‘Has anyone called an ambulance?’
Helen looked directly at him. ‘Yes, but all emergency services are very busy. They’ll get someone here as soon as the next ambulance is free.’
‘That figures. I’ll get the pack.’ Vicki headed for her father’s medical storeroom.
Cole was with her as she tapped in the security number to unlock the cupboard. ‘Let me look at the drugs we might need.’