“I hate you.”
His gaze hardened. “Good.” And then he tipped an imaginary hat and let himself out.
The minute the door closed behind him, Julianna sank into the nearest chair and allowed the tears of her broken heart flow as she suffered the most intense sense of loss she’d ever known.
He’d never loved her.
She’d been a total fool.
And if she never saw Boston Kincaid again — it would be too soon.
#
Just keep walking, don’t stop. Boston couldn’t breathe. But he couldn’t stop. Had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It had to be done. Julianna was better off this way. He was no good for her. A life with him was no life Julianna would enjoy. She’d get over him and they’d find a way to be good co-parents. Something so heart-rendingly awful screamed in his heart and he nearly fell to his knees as he reached the lobby. Lilah saw him and with a note of alarm, asked, “Are you okay?”
“I’m good, the humidity is getting to me,” he said brusquely, pulling his wallet, he took a wad of cash and tossed it down onto the counter. “This should pay for another six months if she wants it. If she needs more, call me and I’ll see it done,” he said, adding his business card to the pile of cash. “If she ever needs anything — anything at all — call me. Night or day.”
“Don’t leave like this,” Lilah said, frowning with sadness. “This isn’t the way to fix things.”
“I can’t stay,” he said, his voice breaking. “Can you do this for me?”
She nodded and accepted the cash with open reluctance, then scribbled her name and number on a small slip of paper and slid it to him. “Call me anytime and I’ll let you know how she’s doing.”
“That’s not necessary,” he said stiffly but his hand snaked out and took the number anyway. Curling the paper in his hand, he stuffed it into his pocket with a brief, “Thank you,” and then turned on his heel, nearly running from the place, his mistakes, and from Julianna.
Some mistakes you don’t get to come back from.
Some mistakes you take to the grave as penance.
-7-
Julianna had dropped a bomb on Miles and his first reaction hadn’t been good. He supposed if he’d been thinking clearly, he would’ve smothered his knee-jerk reaction but who would’ve expected for her to share what she had? Obviously, her decision had done a number on her self-esteem and he felt like a jerk for not being supportive.
Of course, the newfound knowledge didn't do anything for his feelings about Boston — the guy was a total dick. So, by the next morning, he was determined to check up on Julianna no matter how things had ended at the beach.
He decided to forgo his usual morning swim and went straight to her bungalow. He knocked and waited patiently and when she didn't immediately answer the door he knocked again. Just about the time when he was going to give up, she opened the door and it was apparent why she hadn't been eager to answer. Her face was red and puffy and her eyes were bloodshot. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the poor girl had been crying all night. Although, something told him that her tears hadn’t been over him. “Can I come in?” he asked, concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I'm not okay but that's not your problem. I'm not your project and you don't need to feel like you have to fix me. You made your feelings loud and clear yesterday.”
Time to pay the piper. “I don't feel that way and I never have. I'll admit I was thrown for a loop yesterday but I’ve had some time to think about it and really, I don't give a shit what you've done in your past. You're a good person and that's all that matters. We all make mistakes. May I please come in?”
Julianna hesitated and for a moment he was fairly certain she was going tell him to go away but she stepped aside so that he could enter. She closed the door and walked to the kitchen with slow fatigued movements. She grabbed an orange juice from the small fridge and cracked it open. “I'm not really the best company right now, Miles. Sorry but I'm a bit of a wreck.”
“I can see that. Let me guess…Boston paid you a visit.” At her small nod, he swore under his breath. “Hasn't he done enough damage? What did he want now?”
She shook her head, tears immediately welling in her eyes. “We, uh, broke up. What I mean to say is that he released me from my contract. I'm free as a bird. A knocked up bird, but free nonetheless.”
“So why do you look like the world has ended?” he asked.
“I don't know,” she cried, distressed. “But I do feel like my world has ended. I feel as if all the love and joy just walked out of my life and I'll never, ever have another prospect of experiencing those things ever again. And it doesn't make any sense because he was a jerk and he was terrible to me and when I needed him the most he bailed. So I don't understand why I feel this way. If someone could explain to me why I'm such an idiot, I would love to hear it because honestly, I never want to go through this again.”
“You’re not an idiot — you fell in love with him. Good bad or indifferent sometimes the heart wants what it wants. Why did he let you go?”
She threw her hands up in confusion. “I don't know. One minute he's kissing me as if he loves me as much as I love him and the next minute he's crushing me under his feet. He doesn't make any sense. I know he loves me. I know in my bones. But he won't humble himself for one Goddamn minute and admit it! And I don't know what to do. For the first time in my life I have more money than I can ever possibly spend, my brother is in a state-of-the-art facility in New Zealand, and I can do whatever I want with my life. I could go back to school, I could start my own business, or I could just be a stay-at-home mom if I wanted to be. So why am I so damn miserable?”
“Because none of that matters if the one person you wanted has left you behind.”
“And you know what the worst part is?” She didn't wait for him to answer. “He is already fucking someone else! Yeah, that's what he came to tell me. Hey Julianna, it's been fun kicking it with you, but I'm bored and have already found someone to replace you. Thanks for the memories, sayonara!”
Not for the first time Miles believed Boston needed a knuckle sandwich and he’d dearly love to feed it to him but he sensed there was something they were missing. “Maybe he just said that to push you away.” What the hell was he doing? Making excuses for Boston? That’s some fucked up shit, Miles. Who was he rooting for? He refocused and said, “Listen, the guy doesn’t deserve you. I know it’s hard to believe this now but someday you’re going to look back on this and be so grateful that he did you a solid by walking away because you're so much better than he is. You have a kind heart and a compassionate soul. People like Boston Kinkaid are users and takers and they don’t know how to give back. Sooner or later they use up the people in their lives. And you're too good for that. I hate to see you go through that bullshit with a dickwad like him.”
Julianna wiped her eyes and stared at Miles. “I don't understand why you care. Yesterday after telling you what’d happened between me and Boston you couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I don't understand men. You all act like you've never done anything wrong or made a mistake or did something you are ashamed of. I'm sick of all this judgment.”
“I'm sorry. I was wrong. It was a knee-jerk reaction and I don't know where it came from because I really don't care what you did in your past. All I care about is right now. I told you I would be your friend if that was all that was available. But it seems to me that Boston is out of the picture. And I can't say that I'm sorry.”
“I'm having his baby. Doesn't that mean anything to you?” She gestured to her stomach. “I don't get a free and clear pass. Even if we’re not together I still have to parent with him.”
“I understand that and I don't have a problem with you co-parenting with him as long as he doesn't get his hooks into you again.” Miles reached for her and when she didn't pull away, he knew he had a shot. “Julianna, we haven't known each other long but I would gladly spend my life getting to know
everything about you. Can Boston say the same?”
“I don't know what Boston would say or do because apparently I don't know the man at all,” she said. “And frankly, I don't know that I'm ready to just jump right into someone else's arms either. I have too much going through my head to even think about anything else in my love life. And to be honest, I'm still kind of pissed at you for not being supportive when I needed it. I took a huge risk in telling you my big secret and you did not react the way that I thought you were going to. So I don't know what to think right now.”
He figured that was fair. He cursed himself for being a stupid clod. No matter what she'd told him he should’ve just accepted it with understanding. “You're right, I was an idiot. I don't know why I reacted that way. Like I said it was a knee-jerk reaction and I deeply regret it. All I can say is I'm sorry and show you with my actions that it’ll never happen again. Can you give me the chance to prove to you that I'm not like Boston?”
“Miles, I already know you're not like Boston. I know that you're a good man who is kind and generous. I just need time to figure things out.”
He smiled. “Honey, we’re on a beautiful Caribbean island. We've got nothing but time. For whatever you need, I'll be there for you.”
“You shouldn't make promises that you don't know if you can keep,” she warned.