“You can’t scare me that easily,” he said, brushing the pad of his thumb over her plump bottom lip. “Most times people complicate matters simply by overthinking things. How do you feel right now?”
“Uncertain,” she admitted, then added shyly, “But I liked your kiss.”
“Good,” he said with a slow smile, his heart beating like a wild thing. “Because there’s plenty more where that came from.” He leaned in and took her mouth again, this time with more force and the tiny sound from the back of her throat was like gasoline on a flame. Within moments, he was pressed against her, his erection straining so hard he thought his skin might split but he was happier than he’d ever been. This felt right in every way. Did she feel the same? He was falling too hard, too fast for a woman who was likely going to break his heart. But he couldn’t stop. God help him, he couldn’t walk away when he should. If he were watching a friend do this very same thing, he’d shake his head and tell him he was losing his mind but none of that mattered. There was something so amazing and indefinable about Julianna that he didn’t want to examine how reckless he was being. And so he didn’t. “Julianna…” he murmured against her mouth, so ready to discover her intimate places but he didn’t want to press too hard or rush her into doing something she might regret, especially when she was so vulnerable right now, but good God, it was taking an act of Herculean strength to remember to go slowly. “You’re a treasure, you know that? You deserve the best in life and Boston isn’t going to provide it for you, it’s time to tell him to step aside so someone else can have the privilege of earning your love.”
“I don’t want to talk about Boston,” she said, shaking her head, pulling him closer and squeezing her eyes shut. “Just kiss me and be quiet.”
“What the lady wants, the lady gets,” he said and covered her mouth hard, letting his control slip just a bit, grinding his cock against her thigh, hungry for more. There was nothing but the two of them in this world, touching and exploring, giving in to their need to be loved by someone and for a moment it was possible to imagine this being their world — until Julianna slowly started to pull away, pushing at him to stop. He withdrew with a worried frown, his breathing harsh as he tried to slow his runaway heartbeat. “Everything okay?”
Sudden tears filled her eyes. “No,” she answered shaking her head. This isn’t going to happen, he realized as he gave her space. She scooted away and sat up, burying her head in her hands. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a shit for leading you on like this. I thought I could do this but I can’t. It feels…wrong. And it shouldn’t! Boston is a jerk and I hate him but I think I love him, too. And if I have sex with you, when I’m pregnant with Boston’s baby…the thought of it makes me feel dirty. I don’t know what it means to be a mom but I don’t think I should be sleeping around, even though I’m really attracted to you.”
He rocked back on his heels, trying not to sink too hard into his sharp disappointment. He’d always known this could happen but he’d hoped… “Don’t cry, Julianna. It’s okay. I told you I would be your friend if that’s what you needed me to be. You didn’t lead me on. You were honest in your feelings. It’s my fault for pushing it. Can we still be friends?” he asked.
“Are you sure you want to be my friend?” she asked. “It doesn’t seem like a good trade.”
“Being around you is worth it. I meant what I said. You deserve the best and if friendship is what you’re offering…I’ll take it. For now,” he said, but his tone turned serious as he added, “Because here’s what I know about men like Boston Kincaid…they never stick around for the long haul. I would love to spare you the heartache of being used and left behind but I respect your decision to try and make it work.”
“You don’t think he can change?”
“No.”
“Not even for a baby?”
“Babies are precious but they aren’t magical,” he said. “I’ve seen it too many times. Women think a baby is going to make their man magically turn into a different person. It works in fiction…not in real life.”
Her crestfallen expression tore at his heart but he wouldn’t give her false hope. He had absolutely no faith in the idea that Boston was capable of being the man Julianna needed. And you know what? He was glad. He wasn’t going to lie — he wanted her for himself.
#
Was Miles right? Was she being stupid for clinging to a ridiculous hope that Boston might come to his senses and stop being such a domineering asshole? Why couldn’t she just let go of Boston and move on? Miles was so amazing — and a great kisser — so what was the problem? The problem was the whole time she was kissing Miles, she was thinking of Boston and there was no freaking way she was going to have sex with Miles when she couldn’t even enjoy kissing him without immediately comparing him to Boston.
She risked a look at Miles. Such a good-looking guy. Why couldn’t she feel the same crazy flutters that she did when she was around Boston? A sigh rattled out of Julianna and Miles said, “It’s okay. I understand.”
“Stop being so understanding,” she said, breaking down. “This isn’t cool. I mean, you keep talking about how I deserve more but the fact of the matter is, you are the one who deserves better than what I can give you.”
“Bullshit. Stop talking like you’re second prize. Don’t you realize you are the grand prize?”
She stared, shaking her head. What if Miles knew? Should she chance it? She couldn’t even tell her own brother — whom she loved like crazy — about the deal she’d struck with Boston. “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of,” she started, unsure of what to share. “Really, really terrible things.”
“No one is a saint in this life,” he stated matter-of-fact and Julianna wondered if Miles was the one person she could share with. He grasped her hand and squeezed it gently. “I’m here for you. All you have to do is trust me to keep your secret.”
“What if you hate me after I tell you?”
“Not possible.”
“Anything is possible.”
“Not in this regard. You might call me crazy but I feel something for you that is stronger than anything I’ve felt for anyone before. I have every reason to walk away from your situation but I simply can’t. Not unless you push me away and that’s the honest truth.”
“You’re too good, Miles,” she murmured, wiping away tears. “Too good.”
He lifted her chin with his finger to stare into her eyes. “I’m not perfect,” he warned, shaking his head. “Please don’t think that I am. Maybe the reason I’m so willing to see it through with you is because I sense a kindred spirit.”
She held his gaze and said in a clear voice that hid the tremble in her stomach, “I sold my virginity to Boston for an obscene amount of money and signed a contract that basically granted Boston access to my body until he tires of me.” She waited a heartbeat then asked, “What do you think of me now?”
-6-
Boston packed his things and checked out of the hotel. His flight was scheduled to leave in two hours. He had an hour to tie up loose ends and then get onto the ferry back to St. Thomas.
To consider Julianna a loose end was further proof that he was drowning in a cesspool of his own making. But there was no turning back now. He’d set situations in motion that he couldn’t take back. Julianna would never forgive him, never take him back and he knew that to make her would be to ensure she hated his guts forever. Was he trying to earn her forgiveness? Hell, he couldn’t answer that question with any sort of confidence. He didn’t know what end was up anymore.
He entered Larimar’s lobby and found the sweet Lilah manning the desk again and he forced a smile for her benefit because she was a nice woman and for some reason, he liked her. “Good evening, Mr. Kincaid,” she said brightly. “Staying with us for dinner? Cajun chicken is on the menu tonight and it is so good it’ll change your religion.”
He offered a brief smile but declined, saying, “I won’t be staying. Is Julianna in?”
Lilah bit
her lip, then nodded slowly. “She returned awhile ago. She seemed sad. You guys should really try and work things out,” Lilah risked.