“I thought it was better if we took a break. I didn’t have the balls to admit that I was relieved that you broke it off.”
Her eyes widened with incredulity, and she shook her head as if she couldn’t quite wrap her head around my admission. “You wanted to break up?”
“Yes and no. But mostly yes. Not for the reasons you might think, though.”
“Oh, I’ve got to hear this,” Katherine mocked, fresh anger leaking into her tone. “This ought to be amazing.”
“I needed you to experience life. Hell, I needed to experience more before I settled down so that when we did actually tie the knot, I would be ready. I wanted that for you, too.”
“That’s some backward-ass logic.” She rubbed at her nose with a sharp, agitated motion. “I mean, Jesus, Luca, you didn’t need to break my fucking heart just to get some space.”
“I was stupid” was all I could say in my own defense. “I know that now, but I can’t take it back. All I can do is learn from it and move forward. But be honest with yourself for a second...would you have understood if I’d said, ‘Hey, babe, let’s take a small break so we can both do some wild and crazy shit without each other’?”
She didn’t bother lying. “No.”
“See?”
“I don’t even know what to think about this, Luca. How am I supposed to react to this information? Just laugh it off and say, ‘Oh, all is forgiven!’ because you’ve decided to come clean about your true reasons for hurting me?”
“I’m trying to be honest with you. If we’re to have any shot together, I want to start with a clean slate,” I answered quietly, because it was the truth. “I don’t want to keep anything from you ever again. A pretty lie is what started all this. I should’ve just knuckled down and given you the ugly truth and let the chips fall where they may. I think we would’ve been able to get through that far easier than what we’re doing now.”
“Maybe.” A beat passed between us. “But that’s not what happened, is it? So we have to deal with the reality of our situation.”
“And the reality is?”
“I can’t marry you.”
I rejected her declaration, heart and soul. “You’re mine and you always will be. I will chase you to the ends of the earth until you realize we were meant for one another.”
Katherine threw her hands up in an exasperated motion to wipe at the tears that had begun to track down her cheeks. “This is so classic Luca. Pulling out the big guns for the win, because winning is everything. But I’m not a prize to be won. I’m a human, flesh and blood, and you broke my heart. I don’t care that you weren’t ready for what you were feeling. It still sliced me to ribbons, and now it feels even worse somehow, knowing that you actually hadn’t cheated on me but you didn’t try to convince me otherwise. You let me think that I wasn’t enough for you. I don’t think I can forgive you for that.”
“I could say I’m sorry a million different ways, but it wouldn’t change how I handled myself. All I can say is...I am so sorry for hurting you.”
“Wouldn’t it just be easier to let me go?” she asked in a plaintive cry that tore at my heart. “I mean, love isn’t supposed to be this hard.”
“Bullshit. Love is love. Whether it’s hard or easy depends on how we handle what comes our way. I love you, Katherine Cerinda Oliver. I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want you. I’m ready to be the man you need me to be. Just give me a damn chance to show you.”
“How do I know you’re not just playing me to get what you want?”
“I don’t chase after what I have no interest in catching. Woman, I’d chase you until we were both in wheelchairs. A lifetime doesn’t seem nearly long enough for all the things I want to experience with you. Does that sound like someone who’s just playing?”
“Crap,” she muttered as fresh tears dribbled down her cheeks. “Now look what you’ve done. I’m a giant crybaby mess.”
“I think you’re beautiful,” I said, proving it by kissing her tearstained lips. Salty and sweet, that was my Katherine. I kissed her softly, brushing my lips across hers with a tender touch. I wanted everything with her, even if it meant weathering the ups and downs of a volatile relationship. I was in, 100 percent.
I sensed the crack in her armor as she sagged against me, opening her mouth so my tongue could slide inside. Her breasts begged for my touch, and I was happy to oblige as my hand crept beneath her sweater to caress a pert, pouty breast. I wanted her nipple in my mouth, but I could wait.
Nibbling the column of her neck, I inhaled the sweetness of her skin, losing myself to the intoxicating pleasure that was solely Katherine.
“Luca,” she moaned, the sound of her anguish going straight to my heart. I slowed to a stop, even though I wanted to devour her a second time. She peered at me through wet lashes. “I just can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Why not?” I pressed, needing to find that stubborn bone of contention stuck in her mind. “Tell me. I’ll listen.”
Katherine paused, gauging my response, as if testing whether or not she could trust me. The moment felt heavy—everything was riding on which path we took. Would she trust me enough to share her true fears? Or would she withdraw and push me away again?
God, Katherine, please let me in.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Katherine
HE’D SAID THE WORDS—I’m sorry—I’d wanted to hear for so long yet had given up hope I ever would. Donatos didn’t apologize. They were stubborn and stoic, marching to the beat of their own drum. Even if I was stunned by the apology, I had to recognize the ugly truth—my problems weren’t so easily solved. An apology was simply words uttered to create an effect. Luca would say and do anything to get what he wanted, that much I knew.
“How can I trust you’re not saying what you think I need to hear?”
“Trust is a leap of faith. You have to let go of whatever you’re holding on to in order to make that jump.”
I skewed my gaze at him. “Since when did you become such a philosopher?”
“When my fiancée kept doing everything in her power to push me away.”
“Why do you keep calling me your fiancée when I’ve told you repeatedly that I’m not going to marry you?” I asked, exasperated.
He chuckled. “Because I’m an optimist.”
I looked away, refusing to let his charm get to me. There was something stubbornly romantic about the way he refused to take no for an answer. “You’re impossible,” I said, shaking my head. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Marry me.”
His simple answer took my breath away, and tears started fresh.
Luca slipped his hand into mine. His gentle touch was tender, speaking of genuine concern, but I questioned if any of it was real. Nothing felt right in my head right now. When I’d bailed on New York, I’d known in my heart I was making the right decision. Now? I was turned around and upside down, and it was all because Luca wasn’t performing to the script.
It was as if we’d just stepped into a time warp and he was once again the Luca I’d fallen in love with—kind, funny, considerate, sexy...well, that part had never changed—and I was falling all over again, faster than I could stop myself.
Instead of confidence, fear was my traveling companion. Fear of myself, of what I’d been denying since Luca had broken my heart, of losing myself in the Donato vortex, fear of being exactly the kind of person I’d been disdaining since I’d discovered that ugly mag with my boyfriend’s picture on the cover with that sloppy-drunk starlet.
To be honest, the whole situation at the shelter had thrown me for a loop. The person I thought I was might not be real at all. Sister Bernice had summed me up in a glance simply by looking at my hands. It pinched to be judged so quickly, but there was a level of truth to her conclusion, and that killed me inside.
“I don’t like your father, and your mother is iffy,” I said abruptly, readying myself for a fight, but Luca just nodded. My sails deflated.
“Sometimes my family is hard to like,” he said with a shrug.
Couldn’t argue with that.
“Your father scares me.”
“I will never allow anyone to hurt you,” Luca promised.
“What if you can’t prevent it?”