I knew Katherine had fallen hard for me, and I was getting there, too. But Katherine still had college to get through, and I never wanted her to regret marrying me too young.
So I’d been fucking relieved when I’d inadvertently blown everything to shit with one stupid decision.
I thought with time we’d laugh about it, maybe even joke on our wedding night about how young and stupid we’d been.
I never expected our breakup to be the catalyst that propelled Katherine right into the decision that she was through with everything associated with our lives before that moment.
Including our engagement.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Katherine
TINY PULSES ECHOED in my body, every nerve ending alive. The satin beneath my skin, the scent of our lovemaking—everything seemed more intense, more vibrant.
How could I ever hope to be free of Luca when I knew I would forever be addicted to this feeling? Luca was in my soul, marked from the moment I gave myself to him at eighteen.
Malvagio was the epitome of sin and ruin wrapped elegantly in luxury, drugging me with its promise of secrets and anonymity. Nobody would know what we’d done here, on this bed, except me and him.
The freedom to breathe for the first time in months overrode the faint voice of reason, telling me to stop whatever was happening between us before it became a runaway train.
I pulled off my mask, my heart still fluttering like a butterfly on meth. When I finally could talk without sounding Marilyn Monroe breathless, I asked with a curious yet sated smile, “Why did you bring me here?” I didn’t regret what’d happened, even though I’d sworn on a thousand Bibles it wouldn’t. A part of me had desperately wanted to be in Luca’s arms. No matter what it would cost me. Therein was the crux of the issue. What I was trying to escape wasn’t so much Luca, but myself. How could I respect myself if I sacrificed my will and dignity just because I couldn’t end this ridiculous obsession with Luca Donato? The answer was simple—I couldn’t. “Seems a lot of effort to go to just to have sex.”
“Sex with you is never too much effort.”
I shivered at the sensual caress of his answer.
“What if I told you that I wanted you to experience something dangerous yet safe, something that you would never forget no matter where life took you from this moment? I wanted you to be free to experience something unique, something only I could provide for you.”
My breath caught as I searched his gaze. As if I could ever forget.
Who was I kidding? The writing had been on the wall from the moment I agreed to his deal. Maybe a part of me had always known, as well. “You always knew you would get me into bed. Your confidence never wavered. Why does it matter to you so much?”
“Because you’re mine and you always will be.”
I think the words came out of his mouth before he realized they were coming. Maybe it was on his mind and he’d just lost the ability to hold them back, but the effect was a punch to the face for both of us.
“I don’t belong to anyone, least of all you.” I started to leave the bed, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, unwilling to let me leave without saying his piece.
“That’s not what I meant. If you want me to say that I’m unhappy you were chosen as my future wife, I would be lying. You have always and will forever be the one that I want.”
My breath hitched in my chest as an unwelcome emotion crowded my reason. “Why?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to hear his reasons for fear of falling all over again for the man I needed to run from.
“Why does there have to be a reason? Why does there have to be a logical explanation? You, of all people, should understand that sometimes emotion and feeling do not correspond with logic and reason. It’s true I could have my pick of any woman in society—there are plenty of well-heeled women who would not only throw their daughters at me but also pin their hopes on landing a Donato in some fashion—but I’m not interested in them.”
How many times had I hoped and wished to hear those very words from Luca when I was hopelessly in love with him? When I’d been that starry-eyed girl believing everything that came out of his mouth. But he’d shown me that words were easy, actions were hard.
“Luca, you have always been very eloquent with your words. Doesn’t mean I believe them. Not anymore. Have you forgotten? I know you better than anyone.”
He surprised me with a firm shake of his head. “No, you knew me. The person you remember was a foolish boy who didn’t understand the value of things or people. I’m not that person anymore, but you’re determined to keep stuffing me into that tiny box for your comfort level. If you gave me the chance, I could show you that I’ve changed.”
I regarded him intently—questions racing—while digesting his statement. Was I being foolish and narrow-minded by refusing to let Luca in a second time? The stakes were so much higher now. I wasn’t just risking a broken heart; I was risking my future. Once I took those vows, I would never be able to walk away from the Donato family. Ever. They didn’t believe in divorce. It was death do us part.
“I want to marry you, Katherine,” he said, breaking into my thoughts. “I want to pledge my life to you and give you everything you deserve. All you want to do is run without even giving me a chance.”
“I did give you a chance—you ruined it.”
Luca’s grunt of frustration grated on my nerves. I wasn’t the one being difficult.
“Stop living in the fucking past. I told you, I was a kid. I wasn’t ready to settle down and I hurt you. All I can say is I’m sorry.”
“So you’re saying now you’re ready to be a faithful partner?” I didn’t buy it. He could talk all he wanted and fill my head with pretty lies, but it wouldn’t change the truth. Donatos followed their own code of conduct, and it was biased toward the family. They did not bend to the will of another person, and they did not take other people’s feelings into consideration. “Luca, there’s a reason the Donato family has managed to carve a permanent place in the top echelon of society. I’m not stupid, and I’m not blind. I know the Donato family is feared and respected. I also know that I don’t want to be part of that anymore.”
Luca looked as if he wanted to shake my head from my shoulders. I could understand his frustration, as he wasn’t used to being denied, but I would never be the wife he wanted.
“Jesus, Katherine,” he muttered, shoving his hand through his hair. “Why is it always the same damn argument?”
“Because you never listen to me,” I returned, folding my arms. “Trust me, I’m doing you a favor.”
“How so?” he asked, as if humoring me.
I tried not to bare my teeth at his condescension. “I will
never be the subservient, doting wife who walks two steps behind you and defers to your judgment in any and all things like some modern-day geisha.”
“I never said I wanted that!”
I startled at his sudden shout.
His nostrils flared as he cast me a dark look, but I wasn’t backing down.
“That’s how your entire family works,” I said. “You’ve been raised to take over the Donato family empire. How can I know for sure you’ll be any different? There’s an expectation, and I have no interest in fulfilling the role of your wife under those conditions.”
“And what if I said screw the traditions? I just want you. I want you in whatever way that you would be willing to have me.”
My mouth opened in surprise. Was that a hint of desperation in his voice? Couldn’t be. Luca was always in control, always pulling the strings behind the scenes.
Luca took my silence as an opportunity to jump in. “Let me show you the man I can be. Let me show you how it can be between us. All I want is you by my side, and if that means bucking tradition and forging a new way for the Donato family, I am willing to do that. But you have to be willing to give me a chance.”
Everything he said was true. I was afraid of giving him the chance to prove me wrong. If I admitted that he had changed and that there was a possibility that he and I could actually ride off into the sunset, happy, just like I’d always hoped and dreamed, it would mean taking a chance on an unknown future where anything could happen—both good and bad. Luca had the power to destroy me completely. I was afraid of taking a chance, of giving him the keys to my happiness.
But a part of me desperately wanted to run straight to his arms, close my eyes and allow everything that Luca was envelop me. I knew it was a contradiction, but when I was with Luca, I felt safe. In those moments, I knew that Luca would never let anything happen to me, that he would destroy anyone or anything who threatened me. The irony was that he was the one who had hurt me in the first place.
I should have stuck to my guns and just kept him at a distance. Sex clouded judgment. My body still echoed with his touch—I could smell him on my skin.