"It's all right, Charlotte," Will said again, and he pushed past the Inquisitor to the door. Once out in the corridor, he leaned against the wall for a moment, recovering himself. He couldn't help remembering his own words--God, it seemed a million years ago now, and no longer in the least bit funny: The Consul? Breaking up our breakfast time? Whatever next? The Inquisitor over for tea?
If the Institute was taken from Charlotte ...
If they all lost their home ...
If Tessa ...
He could not finish the thought. Tessa would live; she must live. As he set off down the corridor, he thought of the blues and greens and grays of Wales. Perhaps he could return there, with Cecily, if the Institute was lost, make some kind of life for themselves in their home country. It would not be a Shadowhunting life, but without Charlotte, without Henry, without Jem or Tessa or Sophie or even the bloody Lightwoods, he did not want to be a Shadowhunter. They were his family, and precious to him--just another realization, he thought, that had come to him all at once and yet too late.
"Tessa. Wake up. Please, wake up."
Sophie's voice now, cutting through the darkness. Tessa struggled, forcing her eyes open for a split second. She saw her bedroom at the Institute, the familiar furniture, the drapes pulled back, weak sunlight casting squares of light on the floor. She fought to hold on to it. It was like this, brief periods of lucidity in between fever and nightmares--never enough, never enough time to reach out, to speak. Sophie, she fought to whisper, but her dry lips would not pass the words. Lightning shivered down through her vision, splitting the world apart. She cried out soundlessly as the Institute broke into pieces and rushed away from her into the dark.
It was Cyril who finally told Gabriel that Cecily was in the stables, after the younger Lightwood brother had spent much of the day searching fruitlessly--though, he hoped not obviously--through the Institute for her.
Twilight had come, and the stable was full of warm yellow lantern light and the smell of horses. Cecily was standing by Balios's stall, her head against the neck of the great black horse. Her hair, nearly the same inky color, was loose over her shoulders. When she turned to look at him, Gabriel saw the wink of the red ruby around her throat.
A look of concern passed across her face. "Has something happened to Will?"
"Will?" Gabriel was startled.
"I just thought--the way you looked--" She sighed. "He has been so distraught these past few days. If it were not enough that Tessa is ill and injured, to know what he does about Jem--" She shook her head. "I have tried to speak to him about it, but he will say nothing."
"I think he is speaking to Jem now," Gabriel said. "I confess I do not know his state of mind. If you wish, I could--"
"No." Cecily's voice was quiet. Her blue eyes were fixed on something far away. "Let him be."
Gabriel took a few steps forward. The soft yellow glow of the lantern at Cecily's feet laid a faint golden sheen over her skin. Her hands were bare of gloves, very white against the horse's black hide. "I ...," he began. "You seem to like that horse very much."
Silently he cursed himself. He remembered his father once saying that women, the gentler sex, liked to be wooed with charming words and pithy phrases. He wasn't sure exactly what a pithy phrase was, but he was sure that "You seem to like that horse very much" was not one.
Cecily seemed not to mind, though. She gave the horse's hide an absent pat before turning to face him. "Balios saved my brother's life."
"Are you going to leave?" Gabriel said abruptly.
Her eyes widened. "What was that, Mr. Lightwood?"
"No." He held his hand up. "Don't call me Mr. Lightwood, please. We are Shadowhunters. I am Gabriel to you."
Her cheeks pinked. "Gabriel, then. Why did you ask me if I am leaving?"
"You came here to bring your brother home," said Gabriel. "But it is clear he is not going to go, isn't it? He is in love with Tessa. He is going to stay wherever she is."
"She might not stay here," Cecily said, her eyes unreadable.
"I think she will. But even if she does not, he will go where she is. And Jem--Jem has become a Silent Brother. He is still Nephilim. If Will hopes to see him again, and I think we know he does, he will remain. The years have changed him, Cecily. His family is here now."
"Do you think you are telling me anything I have not observed for myself? Will's heart is here, not in Yorkshire, in a house he has never lived in, with parents he has not seen for years."
"Then, if he cannot go home--I thought perhaps that you would."
"So that my parents are not alone. Yes. I can see why you would think that." She hesitated. "You know, of course, that in a few years I would be expected to be married, and to leave my parents regardless."
"But not to never speak to them again. They are exiled, Cecily. If you remain here, you will be cut off from them."
"You say it as if you wish to convince me to return home."
"I say it because I am afraid you will." The words were out of his mouth before he could recapture them; he could only look at her as a flush of embarrassment heated his face.
She took a step toward him. Her blue eyes, upturned to his, were wide. He wondered when they had stopped reminding him of Will's eyes; they were just Cecily's eyes, a shade of blue he associated with her alone. "When I came here," she said, "I thought the Shadowhunters were monsters. I thought I had to rescue my brother. I thought that we would return home together, and my parents would be proud of us both. That we would be a family again. Then I realized--you helped me realize--"
"I helped you? How?"
"Your father did not give you choices," she said. "He demanded that you be what he wanted. And that demand broke your family apart. But my father, he chose to leave the Nephilim and marry my mother. That was his choice, just as staying with the Shadowhunters is Will's. Choosing love or war: both are brave choices
, in their own ways. And I do not think my parents would grudge Will his choice. Above all, what matters to them is that he be happy."
"But what of you?" Gabriel said, and they were very close now, almost touching. "It is your choice to make now, to stay or return."
"I will stay," Cecily said. "I choose the war."
Gabriel let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "You will give up your home?"
"A drafty old house in Yorkshire?" Cecily said. "This is London."
"And give up what is familiar?"
"Familiar is dull."
"And give up seeing your parents? It is against the Law ..."
She smiled, the glimmer of a smile. "Everyone breaks the Law."
"Cecy," he said, and closed the distance between them, though it was not much, and then he was kissing her--his hands awkward around her shoulders at first, slipping on the stiff taffeta of her gown before his fingers slid behind her head, tangling in her soft, warm hair. She stiffened in surprise before softening against him, the seam of her lips parting as he tasted the sweetness of her mouth. When she drew away at last, he felt light-headed. "Cecy?" he said again, his voice hoarse.
"Five," she said. Her lips and cheeks were flushed, but her gaze was steady.
"Five?" he echoed blankly.
"My rating," she said, and smiled at him. "Your skill and technique may, perhaps, require work, but the native talent is certainly there. What you require is practice."
"And you are willing to be my tutor?"
"I should be very insulted if you chose another," she said, and leaned up to kiss him again.
When Will came into Tessa's room, Sophie was sitting by her bed, murmuring in a soft voice. She swung around as the door closed behind Will. The corners of her mouth looked pinched and worried.
"How is she?" Will asked, pushing his hands deep into his trouser pockets. It hurt to see Tessa like this, hurt as if a sliver of ice had lodged itself under his ribs and was digging into his heart. Sophie had plaited Tessa's long brown hair neatly so that it would not tangle when she tossed her head fitfully against the pillows. She breathed quickly, her chest rising and falling fast, her eyes visibly moving beneath her pale eyelids. He wondered what she was dreaming.