Knowing what she knew now, Tessa could see the resemblance. A unt Harriet had blue eyes, faded fair hair; even the shape of her face was like Nates. With a smile she came and bent over Tessa, putting a hand on her forehead, cool against Tessas hot skin.
"Im so sorry," Tessa whispered. "A bout Nate. Its my fault hes dead. "
"Hush," her aunt said. "It isnt your fault. It is his and mine. I always felt such guilt, you see, Tessa. Knowing I was his mother but not being able to bear telling him. I let him get away with anything he wanted, until he was spoiled beyond saving. If I had told him that I was really his mother, he would not have felt so betrayed when he discovered the truth, and would not have turned against us. Lies and secrets, Tessa, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind. "
"I miss you so much," Tessa said. "I have no family now. . . . "
Her aunt leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. "You have more family than you think. "
"We Will almost certainly forfeit the Institute now," said Charlotte. She did not sound brokenhearted, but distant and detached. Tessa was hovering like a ghost over the infirmary, looking down at where Charlotte stood with Jem at the foot of Tessas own bed. Tessa could see herself, asleep, her dark hair spread like a fan across her pil ows. Will lay asleep a few beds over, his back striped with bandages, an iratze black against the back of his neck.
Sophie, in her white cap and dark dress, was dusting the windowsil s. "We have lost Nathaniel Gray as a source, one of our own has turned out to be a spy, and we are no closer to finding Mortmain than we were a fortnight ago. "
"After all that we have done, have learned? The Clave Will understand-"
"They Will not. They are already at the end of their tether where I am concerned. I might as well march over to Benedict Lightwoods house and make over the Institute paperwork in his name. Have done with it. "
"What does Henry say about all this?" asked Jem. He was no longer in gear, and neither was Charlotte; he wore a white shirt and brown cloth trousers, and Charlotte was in one of her drab dark dresses. As Jem turned his hand over, though, Tessa saw that it was still spotted with Will s dried blood.
Charlotte snorted in an unladylike manner. "Oh, Henry," she said, sounding exhausted. "I think hes just so shocked that one of his devices actual y worked that he doesnt know what to do with himself. And he cant bear to come in here. He thinks its his fault that Will and Tessa are hurt. "
"Without that device we might all be dead, and Tessa in the hands of the Magister. "
"You are welcome to explain that to Henry. I have given up the attempt. "
"Charlotte . . . " Jems voice was soft. "I know what people say. I know youve heard the cruel gossip. But Henry does love you. When he thought you were hurt, at the tea warehouse, he went almost mad. He threw himself against that machine-"
"James. " Charlotte clumsily patted Jems shoulder. "I do appreciate your attempt to console me, but falsehoods never do anyone any good in the end.
I long ago accepted that Henry loves his inventions first, and me second-if at all. "
"Charlotte," Jem said wearily, but before he could say another word, Sophie had moved to stand beside them, dust cloth in hand.
"Mrs. Branwell," she said in a low voice. "If I might speak to you for just a moment. "
Charlotte looked surprised. "Sophie . . . "
"Please, maam. "
Charlotte placed a hand on Jems shoulder, said something softly into his ear, and then nodded toward Sophie. "Very well. Come with me to the drawing room. "
As Charlotte left the room with Sophie, Tessa realized to her surprise that Sophie was actual y tal er than her mistress. Charlottes presence was such that one often forgot how very smal she was. And Sophie was as tal as Tessa herself, as slender as a Will ow. Tessa saw her again in her mind with Gideon Lightwood, pressed up against the corridor wall, and Tessa worried.
As the door closed behind the two women, Jem leaned forward, his arms crossed over the foot of Tessas brass bed. He was looking at her, smiling a little, though crookedly, his hands hanging loose-dried blood across the knuckles, and under the nails.
"Tessa, my Tessa," he said in his soft voice, as lul ing as his violin. "I know you cannot hear me. Brother Enoch says youre not hurt badly. I cant say I find that enough to comfort me. Its rather like when Will assures me that were only a little bit lost somewhere. I know it means we wont be seeing a familiar street again for hours. "
He dropped his voice, so low that Tessa wasnt sure if what he said next was real or part of the dream darkness rising to claim her, though she fought against it.
"Ive never minded it," he went on. "Being lost, that is. I had always thought one could not be truly lost if one knew ones own heart. But I fear I may be lost without knowing yours. " He closed his eyes as if he were bone-weary, and she saw how thin his eyelids were, like parchment paper, and how tired he looked. "Wo ai ni, Tessa," he whispered. "Wo bu xiang shi qu ni. "
She knew, without knowing how she knew, what the words meant.
I love you.
And I dont want to lose you.
I dont want to lose you, either, she wanted to say, but the words wouldnt come. Lassitude rose up instead, in a dark wave, and covered her in silence.
Darkness.
It was dark in the cell, and Tessa was conscious first of a feeling of great loneliness and terror. Jessamine lay in the narrow bed, her fair hair hanging in lank ropes over her shoulders. Tessa both hovered over her and felt somehow as if she were touching her mind. She could feel a great aching sense of loss. Somehow Jessamine knew that Nate was dead.
Before, when Tessa had tried to touch the other girls mind, she had met resistance, but now she felt only a growing sadness, like the stain of a drop of black ink spreading through water.
Jessies brown eyes were open, staring up into the darkness. I have nothing. The words were as clear as a bell in Tessas mind. I chose Nate over the Shadowhunters, and now he is dead, and Mortmain Will want me dead as well, and Charlotte despises me. I have gambled and lost everything.
A s Tessa watched, Jessamine reached up and drew a small cord from her neck over her head. A t the end of the cord was a gold ring with a glittering white stone-a diamond. Clasping it between her fingers, she began to use the diamond to scratch letters into the stone wall.
JG.
Jessamine Gray.
There might have been more to the message, but Tessa would never find out; as Jessamine pressed down on the gemstone, it shattered, and her hand slammed against the wall, scraping her knuckles.