He swallowed so hard, she could hear it. She reached back and cupped his bearded jaw, which was tight and popping.
“Need you to help me keep mine together, too,” she repeated in a whisper. A burn in both her eyes and her nose began, but he was right. She was strong. She had to look at everything that happened to her as making her stronger. That she could survive whatever life tossed at her.
She missed her father. She had to call on the strength that man had passed down to her.
She also missed her mother the way she used to be. Her mother had let herself be manipulated, enough so she let her own daughter be put into danger. And worse.
“Just gotta tell me once. Just once, Red. But need to hear it all.”
For him to hear it all, she needed to tell it all. She’d told him a lot already, but wasn’t sure how much more she could relive.
But maybe if she got it all out now while it was fresh, while the baby was still inside her, then once it was born, she could keep moving forward and never look back again.
Yes, that’s what she needed to do.
Purge herself from the past, and look toward her future.
That’s what she needed to cling to.
“When I showed no interest in any of their marriage prospects in Ohio, they decided to bring me here, hoping I’d change my mind.” She frowned. “Why would they think that? What sane person would think you could kidnap someone and they’d just up and decide... ‘Oh, yes, I see this would be a great life here. I’d be glad to marry one of your community members, have lots of children and raise them in this fucked up place.’”
She shook her head, wondering if it had ever happened before. If they’d ever kidnapped some woman, she woke up, smiled and married one of those fucked up men, popped out his babies and lived happily ever after. At least the community in Ohio wasn’t like the one up on that mountain where most of the Shirleys lived in squalor.
From the outside, the Guardians of Freedom community in Ohio could appear normal. You only discovered it wasn’t once you scratched below the surface. You didn’t have to scratch at anything to know the Shirley branch of the Guardians of Freedom was not normal. There was no way for them to hide it. Autumn didn’t even think they tried.
She took a deep breath and continued, “When I woke up, I had no idea where I was. A day or two later, I was told that I was in Pennsylvania and my ‘family’ sent me there as a trade. A trade! In exchange, one of their women went to Ohio to marry one of the men I had no interest in. Because I wasn’t related to anyone on that mountain and they needed new blood, they considered it a great trade. Until they realized I’d never change my mind and I’d never willingly marry any of the men who ‘courted’ me in that dark, damn shed!” She blew out a harsh breath trying to keep her blood pressure from spiking.
“That where you woke up?”
“Yes.”
“Jesus, Red.”
“Since I refused to voluntarily pick a husband, the leader, Vernon, decided he would pick one for me. Funny how it just happened to be one of his younger sons, Tomlin. Vernon figured once I became pregnant, I’d change my mind and never want to leave.”
Sig had already been tense behind her but the mention of Tomlin turned his body to stone. “How old was his fuckin’ son?”
“I’m not sure, but a lot younger than me. He was awkward, gangly and built like a teenager. Maybe eighteen, which was when the Shirley ‘men’ were encouraged to find a wife and begin having babies.
“They moved me from the shed and into Tomlin’s room at the main house. They,” inhale, “strapped me to the bed after I fought to keep him from...” She squeezed her eyes shut. “They... he... Two months. Two whole months I spent in that room, in that bed, someone always watching me. After two months... They said if after two months I wasn’t pregnant, then I was just a waste of food and resources, especially since I wasn’t cooperating. In what damn world would I cooperate with any of that?”
No one in their right mind would.
“Vernon wasn’t happy with his son when after those two months I wasn’t pregnant and he wanted to see if it was me who was defective or his son. Because if it was me, I was no longer any use to them and they’d done a bad trade. I swear every day I thought I was caught in some nightmare and hoped I’d wake up, because these things didn’t really happen in real life. They couldn’t. How can they get away with something like they did?”