“The future.”
Oh shit. She had nowhere to go. She wanted to stay close for now to provide her milk for Levi. She could find a place in town, she guessed, but she had no money, no job. Nothing.
And even if she had all those things, she didn’t want to go anywhere. She wanted to be with Sig no matter how screwed up he was. Because, in truth, so was she.
They both had bad nightmares and always might. And while she didn’t really know everything that caused his or made him the way he was, he knew what caused hers.
From the second they met, he seemed to accept her the way she was. And not once had he looked at her like she was only a victim. Even with some of the things he told her about himself—and also with what Stella had warned her about—he’d never done anything to hurt her. She’d never been on the receiving end of his temper or violence. He’d been nothing but loving.
And that was the only way she’d describe it. Loving.
From the second he held out his hand to her in those woods.
Whether he’d admit to it or not.
For someone with such a short temper, he’d been nothing but patient with her. So, no matter what he said, she saw him for who he was now. Not who he used to be.
He came around the counter, grabbed her hand and guided her to the couch, making sure she was settled comfortably before he joined her. He didn’t face her, instead he propped his elbows on his spread knees, dropped his hands between his thighs and stared at the floor.
Holy crap, this was not settling her nerves.
“Now that the baby’s born, you’re free to do what’s best for you, Red. No reason to stay here anymore.”
Oh, this wasn’t starting out well.
“If you wanna go, not stoppin’ you from goin’.”
If you wanna go... If. “Maybe I don’t want to go.”
Autumn wasn’t sure if he heard her because he kept talking like he hadn’t.
“Not sure I can be what you need. You need someone who’s soft and understandin’. That’s never been me. I’m hard, got issues, got nothin’ inside me.” He pressed a palm to his chest. “Nothin’. It’s cold and empty. Nothin’ in there to give you. And you need more than just nothin’.”
“That’s not true. You have plenty to give. You just won’t let yourself see it. You’ve got it tucked away so you don’t get hurt. But I’ve seen it, Sig.”
“Spent most of my life behind bars.”
Good lord, he was coming up with every excuse to push her away.
“I know.” Stella had told her all about his extensive record back in the beginning. She had wanted Autumn to know who she was staying with and offered to have her move into the house if she wasn’t comfortable with the things he’d done in the past. At least the things he’d been caught doing.
Autumn imagined that list wasn’t everything.
“Never cared about anyone but my baby sister.”
“You cared about Trip once...”
“You need someone to love you as you fuckin’ deserve to be loved, Red.”
“Sig—”
“Never thought a woman would come into my life the way you did. Knew we were the same that very fuckin’ second you took my hand, when you put all your trust in me. Never thought my life would change the way it had because of that one fuckin’ moment.”
She swallowed, remembering that moment, the moment where her thoughts had been spinning and she took that leap of faith and trusted him.
That moment changed her life, too. Not just his.
“I’m far from fuckin’ perfect. Will never be perfect. Got issues I gotta deal with and so do you. Wanna deal with them together. But that’ll be up to you. You don’t wanna be with me, you can stay however long you wanna stay and go when you’re ready. Ain’t gonna stop you. You wanna be with me, then you decide where that happens. You wanna stay here, we can stay here. You wanna go far the fuck away, I’ll go wherever you want. Don’t fuckin’ care. Got no roots here yet, so I’ll plant ‘em wherever you wanna plant ‘em. Just want you to plant ‘em with me. That’s all I’m askin’.”
What she thought was him pushing her away wasn’t. Not quite. She now realized he’d been laying out all his bad points so she could make the right decision. “You want me to stay with you.”
“Yeah, wherever you want that to be.”
“You want to be with me.”
He frowned at the floor. “Yeah, said that.”
“Sig,” she said softly. “Look at me.” She reached out, took his chin within her fingers and turned his face toward her.
His brown eyes were troubled. Even apprehensive.
He was worried she’d say no. That she didn’t want him.
But this man, the tattooed biker who talked rough and acted even rougher, had never hidden the fact he wanted her. He’d shown it in so many different ways. Even despite knowing what happened to her on that mountain.