For the longest time it wasn’t a child inside her, it was just a thing she didn’t want to get attached to. Something that had been forced on her.
And then after deciding to let Carly and Matt adopt him, she began to let herself see him as a baby, not just that seed anymore.
“If it’ll be too much for you, don’t worry about it. I was hoping you would, at least for the first few days—”
“First few days?” Sig asked sharply.
“Well, until Autumn is allowed to go home and then afterward, if she wants to pump... And we can pick up the milk. With how she was malnourished when you found her, I’d like to give our son a fighting chance by having him get the colostrum she produces in the first few days. It might help with his development. Then after that it would be up to you, Autumn, how long you’d like to pump. As long as you’re willing, we’d be willing... A mother’s...” Carly grimaced. “Shit. Sorry.”
“So, you want her to be like a fuckin’ milk cow. Treat her like livestock just like—”
Autumn squeezed his hand, stopping him. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. What do I need to do?” She wanted to do whatever was best for the baby. It wasn’t about her. It wasn’t about the Brysons. It was all about that unplanned life brought into this world. It was all about him.
Carly helped get the baby settled in Autumn’s arms and after a bit of encouragement, he finally latched on and began to nurse. The pull at her breast was as strong as the pull on her heart as she glanced down and watched his little mouth suckle against her.
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to stop the memories of how he was conceived. Tried to forget the other half of his DNA.
Tried to forget the reason why he even existed.
One day. One day, when she was ready, when her life had some semblance of order and normalcy, she’d do this again. On her own terms.
One day...
Just not today.
Today wasn’t for her. Today was for the new Bryson baby.
She didn’t even know his name.
“What will you call him?”
Carly and Matt glanced at each other, then the doctor gave Autumn a smile. “Levi. Levi Matthew Bryson.”
“Levi,” Autumn said softly, going back to watching him nurse. “I like it.”
“We’ll give you two a few minutes while he nurses, okay? This way,” Carly’s voice hitched, “this way if you two change your minds... if you’re even thinking... I’d like you to do it now before we take him home. I’m not sure if... I’m...”
Matt wrapped his arm around his wife and turned her toward the door. “We’ll give you a few minutes, Autumn, just to make sure this is what you want before we put our names on the birth certificate.”
Then they were gone.
Autumn slipped the beanie off Levi’s head. “He doesn’t have a lot of hair.”
“Nope,” Sig said, sitting on the edge of the bed by her hip. “And it ain’t red.”
“It’s dark like Matt’s. That’s a good thing.”
Sig just tilted his head like he sort of agreed but also didn’t.
She put the beanie back in place, checked for all ten fingers and then glanced up at Sig.
Matt and Carly wanted to make sure she was certain. But if Autumn changed her mind, it would break Carly’s heart. It was amazing how fast humans could bond with each other and fall in love. In just the little bit of time the doctor had held the baby, she saw both of Levi’s new parents fall deeply in love with him.
But she still needed to hear it. To make sure she wasn’t the only one who saw it. To make sure she was doing what was best for Levi.
Because he was all that mattered right now.
She sucked in a shaky breath. “They’ll love him forever, right?”
Sig ran his fingertips down her jawline and then tugged up her chin. “Yeah, baby.”
Suddenly, Sig was just a blur and her voice trembled when she asked, “They’ll care for him forever, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“They’ll protect him until their dying breath, right?”
Sig touched the beanie lightly. And for a second, Autumn thought she saw a little bit of regret in his dark eyes. “Yeah, Red. They’ll love ‘im more than anyone. You’re doin’ right. This is the best thing for ‘im.”
“Are you sure?”
“Ain’t you?”
She dropped her gaze down to the baby and said, “Yes. I’m sure I’m giving him the best life possible. It’s not about anybody but him.”
“Yeah, baby,” he agreed as they heard a light tap on the door.
It opened and the Brysons stepped back into the room. It looked like Carly had been crying. She had probably been worried Autumn would change her mind.
Autumn wiped away her own tears. “What do we need to do now to put your names on the birth certificate?”