“Speaking of family, Declan told me you told him about my PTSD episode?” I ask her.
Lexi’s cheeks pink up and I feel bad for bringing it up but if this thing between us is to work, we have to know and respect each other’s personal boundaries. Mine are few but pretty defined.
“Yes, I did. He’s your brother. I would be comfortable with you talking to Vanessa about something going on with me,” Lexi says, a worried note in her voice. Lexi is naïve that way. She assumes that all siblings dish out their private affairs to each other just because she and her sister do.
I choose my words carefully. “You and Vanessa are different. Maybe it’s a sister thing, I don’t know but Declan and I keep most of our stuff to ourselves.”
“What are you saying?” Lexi says. “That I shouldn’t have told him?”
“Exactly.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think,” she says.
“Hey, what matters is that we can talk about it. Right?”
“Right,” she says and flashes me a smile before looking out the window.
We hold hands. Lexi and I are both damaged in our own ways. Her, by her alcoholic mother and me by parents who failed to appreciate the difference between their two boys. But together we become perfect.
Vanessa looks tired when she opens the door.
“Hi, you guys are back earlier than I thought,” she says. “Do you want to come in?” she says.
“Okay, but not for long,” Lexi says.
Luna is piling blocks on top of each other and when she sees us, she lets out a cry and comes to us. Lexi hugs her first and then I take her.
“I missed you, sweetheart,” I tell her.
“Daddy,” she says. She clings to my neck as if she doesn’t ever want me to go anywhere.
I say hello to Lexi’s mom and Miles, Vanessa’s boyfriend.
“I’m glad you two are here. We need help in resolving something,” Lexi’s mom says. She’s added a bit of weight and with her face filling out, I’m beginning to see a resemblance between her and Lexi.
“Mom please, don’t start,” Vanessa says, sounding tired.
Her mom throws her hands in the air. “Fine then I won’t.”
After greeting us, Miles doesn’t shift his gaze from the TV. There’s a bad atmosphere in the house. Some kind of tension. I feel sorry for Vanessa. She’s the innocent one here. Both Miles and her mother are out to use her.
We sit for a while. Luna and I grow restless. As fucked up as my parents are, Lexi’s mother takes fucked up to a whole other level. She shifts from one topic to another without warning. Her favorite past time is picking on her daughters, which puzzles me.
Thankfully, we don’t stay long and as soon as I step out of the house with Luna in my arms, relief floods me. “Why is there so much tension in the house?” I ask Lexi on the drive back home.
“There’s always tension when my mother is around. She can’t stand peace and has to find a way to cause disagreements. Poor Vanessa” Lexi says.
“I’m glad you and Luna are staying with me,” I tell her.
“Yeah, me too,” Lexi says. She sounds so tired. I can’t wait for us to get home and I can put my girls to bed. They both sound and look like they could do with a good night’s sleep.
Chapter 27
Lexi
Luna is dressed in an adorable pink dress and a matching hat to protect her from the sun. I shouldn’t be nervous because I’ve already met Ace’s parents but I am. They were both friendly when we met in at the award ceremony but I noticed that Mrs. Carter was staring at me a lot.
I had dismissed it as curiosity over the mother of her grandchild. I keep looking back at Luna to check if she looks her very best, which is silly but I do want her grandparents to love her. To want to be in her life as she grows.
It was just Mom, Vanessa, and I when we were growing up. Mom had no living relatives I was aware of and if she did, they had fallen out and she’d lost contact with them. I used to envy kids in school when they talked about visiting their grandparents.
I want Luna to have everything I did not have and so far, so good. Her daddy is in her life and she has an aunt who adores her and a grandmother. I probably shouldn’t have any expectations where my mom is concerned. After the initial excitement of meeting Luna, I haven’t heard from her again.
“You’re very quiet,” Ace says.
“Yeah. I’m thinking about your parents. I know they’ll like Luna, but I can’t help worrying about it.”
Ace reaches for my hand. “You worry too much. Who wouldn’t love a child?”
There is so much that Ace doesn’t know because he grew up in a stable home. Lots of adults don’t necessarily like all children. Most of my teachers didn’t like me. It’s difficult as a child when adults dislike you and you can’t figure out why. Okay, I do know why. I was filthy and I stank. That’s enough reason for most people to dislike a child. My Luna is nothing like how I was. She’s a well-cared-for child.