She smiles and takes my hand. Her grip is strong, not like someone who has issues. Actually, everything about Vanessa looks normal but that’s not saying much. I should know. Anyone seeing me strolling down the street would classify me as normal when I’m anything but. Normal does not constitute those nightmares and flashbacks that keep me awake half the night.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” Vanessa says. “It will be nice to have company for dinner.”
I’m about to refuse the invitation when Lexi quickly speaks up.
“Please stay,” she says as if she had sensed my imminent refusal.
With both women staring at me with gorgeous hazel eyes, I’m unable to say no. “Thanks,” I say graciously. It will be nice to have a home-cooked meal I grudgingly admit to myself.
Besides, I don’t have somewhere else I need to be and who knows, I might still strike it lucky with Lexi.
“And this is Luna,” Lexi says.
The pretty little girl stares up at me. She looks nothing like Vanessa. Probably resembles the father. “Hi, Luna. It’s nice to meet you.” I’m not particularly good with kids. What do you say to them?
“It’s my turn to cook,” Lexi says. “Do you want to come to the kitchen with me?”
“Sure,” I say.
The kitchen is small and cramped. Guilt floods me at the unfairness of life. I have so much space in the condo and I’m only one person. Lexi lives with her sister and her niece in a small space.
“Can I get you a beer?” Lexi says.
“Sure,” I say and arrange my long legs under the kitchen table.
As she bends to fetch my beer from the fridge, the black pencil skirt she’s wearing molds her ass setting my fantasies ablaze.
“How was Afghanistan?” Lexi says.
I’m about to answer when I freeze. I don’t remember telling Lexi anything personal, but I could have been mistaken. The more I try to wrack my brain, the more the details of that night evade me.
“Tough,” I tell her and the moment the words are out of my mouth, it’s as if floodgates are opened. “I saw things no human being should ever have to see.”
“I bet,” she says and shoots me a sympathetic look.
I need something to do. From the ingredients on the counter, she’s preparing to cook pasta, cheese bread, and a salad. I roll up my sleeves. “Can I help? I make a pretty mean salad.”
“Why not?” she says.
I wash my hands in the sink and then proceed to wash the lettuce. “What about you? What have you been up to?”
She’s quiet for a few seconds and I’m afraid that she won’t answer. When she speaks her voice is heavy with emotion.
“Not much. I’m just glad I’ve been able to hang on to my job,” she says.
I feel lost. Am I so out of touch that I cannot hold a light conversation with a woman? Was there a recession that I didn’t hear about?
“Did you always want to be a bartender?” I ask her.
“What do you mean?” Lexi asks. “It’s a job. It was never a question of wanting it or not.”
I stop dicing tomatoes and take a sip of my beer. I sigh contently as it goes down my throat. I contemplate Lexi. “You must have had dreams when you were growing up.”
She shakes her head. “No. All I wanted was a job.”
For the first time since I saw Lexi at the bar, I think of her as more than the woman whose panties I want to get into. She’s a contradiction and I find myself curious about her. On the surface, she’s a fun sexy woman without a care in the world.
“I’ve wanted to be a firefighter for the longest time,” I tell her to fill the silence. “And now I am. Today was my first day at work.”
“That’s nice for you,” Lexi says. “How was it?”
I push away disturbing images of a fully grown man crouching on the ground, shooting at targets only he can see. At that moment it hits me that I really have no choice if I want to give myself a chance at this career. I’ll have to see a therapist. I have a few names that I’d hoped not to use.
“That bad, huh?” Lexi says.
I’m about to deny but I figure why not? I’ll most likely not see Lexi again after tonight. What she wants is a man to do this sort of thing with her. A man to date her. I’m not that man. What I need is a hot sexy body to lose myself into. An uncomplicated fuck.
“It wasn’t the best start but it’s what I want and I’m going to make it work. I want to be a firefighter more than anything. It’s the sole reason why I get out of my bed in the morning.”
The conversation flows easily after that and at some point, I think how lucky the guy who snags Lexi will be. She’s smart and funny. Her sister Vanessa comes into the kitchen to warm baby food for her daughter. She seems responsible enough but who knows how she is when there’s no guest in their house.