I went straight to Lucian’s house and knocked. Nobody answered, so I had to charge through the darkened mansion until I found a gloomy, crypt-like room with a single coffin. I rolled my eyes. Were these people serious? They actually slept in coffins?
I kicked open the lid of the coffin, hoping to find Lucian.
Instead, Vlad rose up in the darkness supernaturally, as if a rope attached to his shoulders jerked him up to his feet. He hissed and showed me his fingertips, then relaxed.
“Oh, it’s just you,” he said. His belly was on display in his rich purple and yellow embroidered coat that was wide open and fluffy dark red pants that didn’t exactly match. “Come by for some morning poking?”
“No, Vlad,” I said. “Is Lucian here?”
He waved his hand in front of my face, twinkling my fingers. “You don’t know anybody named Lucian.”
I stared. “Where is he?”
“Where is who?” Vlad asked.
“Lucian!” I shouted. “Where is he?”
“Oh. It didn’t work?” He tried the same hand wave again.
I put my fists on my hips. “Vlad. I swear to God. I will fight you.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Please, don’t tease me, little human. But really, why isn’t it working on you? Vlad is the most powerful vampire he knows. This is supposed to work.” He tried waving his hand again. “You really don’t know anybody named Lucian.”
“I really do. Let me see him.”
He pursed his lips, then sighed. “Well, Vlad tried. Lucian is trying to extract himself from your life. He thinks he’s being noble or some shit. He has also asked Alaric and Seraphine to help keep an eye on you when he can’t during the night hours.” Vlad checked his hairy wrist, which was not equipped with a watch. “Which means you’ve still got a few hours before they start spying on you, by Vlad’s calculations.”
“When did you start talking in third person?”
He waved his hand in front of my face, twinkling his sausage-like fingers. “Vlad has always talked in third person.”
“You’ve always talked in third person,” I said, making my voice monotone.
Vlad smiled triumphantly. “Jesus. Vlad was starting to worry he’d lost the touch.”
“Where can I find Lucian?”
“You can’t. He’s going to keep avoiding you until you give up. He thinks he’s doing what’s best for you.”
“Then he’s an idiot. I’m an adult, and I deserve to be part of decisions about what is best for me.”
Vlad held up his hands. “Vlad just delivers news. He does not cook it. Go complain to the chef.”
I sighed and left, having no idea where I was supposed to find Lucian but knowing I needed to try.
Then an idea struck me. It was a stupid idea, but Lucian had done a stupid thing, and repaying him with an act of equal stupidity only seemed fitting. At least that was the line I was planning to use to convince myself to go through with it.
32
Lucian
Being away from Cara was harder than it should have been. I’d woken in the night and felt the last of the bond evaporate. She was free of me, and I’d worried I wouldn’t have the conviction to do it, but I did. I left immediately, promising I would keep her watched over until I knew for certain that Bennigan wasn’t going to try to use her to hurt me.
It was easy to fall into thinking I was keeping her safe by being in the same room, but I knew that was just a lie I was telling for the sake of my own weakness. She’d be no safer that way than if I watched her from a distance. She’d be able to get back to her normal life without me lurking in her shadow, and I’d hopefully be able to go back to focusing on my own preservation. Cara was dangerous for me in more ways than one. With her, I’d been ready to throw myself in harm’s way to prevent her from the mere suggestion of danger.
Without her distracting presence, I could start focusing on the bigger picture—on finding a way to re-connect with The Order or maybe even rebuild it from its fragmented state, if necessary.
This was better for both of us.
I’d asked Alaric and Seraphina to help me keep an eye on her when I couldn’t. I’d planned to rest during the day but found myself creeping after her all morning as she went to my house from her apartment and then skipped class to go to Anya’s. I had suspected she might move off schedule when she found that I wasn’t there.
It pained me to see how badly she wanted to find me, especially when she’d told Vlad that she deserved to be part of the conversation about what was best for her. I knew I couldn’t have trusted myself to make the choice I needed to make if I was looking into her eyes. I would’ve stayed.