And then, like a jolt, a realization shoots through me so strong that I’m thrown out of my trance and back into reality. That fantasy… that’s what I want. A life with Rob. Children with Rob. I want to have his babies.
Excitement crackles through my body, but almost immediately, a rush of shame throws a wet blanket over my emotions. Rob and I have only been dating a couple of weeks. Nobody even knows we’re in a relationship, so it’s inappropriate to think of us having children now. I’m rushing things by maybe two or three years. Besides, I don’t even know if Rob wants more children. He already has Mindy, and heck, he’s already a grandfather! Maybe he’s through when it comes to fatherhood.
With tears in my eyes, I make myself sit still as a storm of emotions rush through my veins. No matter what, I can’t get ahead of myself because not all dreams come true.
9
Rob
* * *
There’s a change in Pepper’s mood that I feel as soon as the information session comes to an end. I can’t really explain what happens, but when the lights go up, her shoulders are rigid and she avoids eye contact as we leave the building. At least she lets me hold her hand.
I try to think back to the session for anything that the doctor said to upset her like this, but nothing comes to mind. I want to ask her what’s going on, but when I open my mouth, she interrupts.
“I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat,” she chirps with a fake bright smile.
“Okay sure.” I open the car door for her, and only let go of her hand once she’s inside. “There’s a strip mall not too far from here. Do you mind if we eat at a diner?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t care. I’ll have anything.” Then Pepper pauses, realizing how clipped that was. “Thank you, Rob. I really appreciate this.”
I nod. “Don’t mention it, sweetheart.” When we’re on the road again, I glance at her. She’s got her chin in her hand as she stares out of her window. Everything about Pepper screams “don’t talk to me,” but I open my mouth anyway.
“So,” I begin tentatively. “What did you think of the info session?”
She’s quiet for a few seconds and then, “It was okay.”
“Did you learn anything new?”
“No, not really.”
“Have you given it any thou—”
“No, I haven’t.”
I decide to keep my mouth shut after that. I’ve learned that when a woman gets like this, it’s better to give her some space and not to push too much. After a few minutes of silence in the car, I can tell that Pepper’s started to calm down. I place my hand on her thigh, just to let her know that I’m here for her. Pepper doesn’t look at me, but at least she puts her hand on top of mine. Good. She hasn’t completely shut me out. Hopefully she’ll want to talk more in the diner. If not, I don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to wait.
The diner is more of a hole in the wall than I thought. But it doesn’t matter. The chrome gleams and the booths are big and red. Some jukebox music rings out, and the lighting, while horrendous, is at least somewhat cheerful. The hostess seats us in a booth by the windows, and only moments later, our waitress comes by.
“What can I get y’all to drink?” she drawls.
Pepper orders a strawberry lemonade, while I get a cherry Coke for myself. When the waitress returns with our drinks, we both order burgers and sweet potato fries. Then, the waitress leaves and Pepper takes a deep breath before looking me straight in the eye.
“Robbie, what did you think about the session?”
I generally don’t let people call me “Robbie.” The nickname usually grates because I don’t see myself as someone with cutesy name, but when she says it, it doesn’t sound annoying or lame. It’s just sweet.
I clear my throat. “I thought it was pretty informative, but yeah, if you’re familiar with the process already, then it could have been boring.” I watch her hands run up and down the condensation on her glass. “Did it change anything for you?”
She frowns.
“I guess hearing the process spoken out loud just made it seem so much more invasive.” She’s quiet for a while, and then pushes her drink away and runs her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know about this, Rob. I just…” Tears shine in her eyes and stress stiffens every movement she makes.
My heart squeezes in my chest. I hate seeing her like this because she looks so lost and scared. Unable to take it anymore, I move to sit next to her in the booth, and she opens her arms to me. I rub the curvy girl’s back, and she doesn’t say anything, just buries her face in my chest and clings.