I grimace. “He was a canny old bastard and paranoid as hell. I had to let things stabilize, but more than that, I had to wait for him to let down his guard. He died in his sleep.” With a pillow shoved over his face, and my weight holding it in place. The death wasn’t anything closed to the misery he deserved, but if there’s a hell, he’s suffering plenty in it right now.
Eventually I’ll join him, as payment for my sins.
“He died in his sleep.” Abel snorts. “I’ll just bet he did.”
“I’ll do anything for the good of this faction. Anything.”
Abel stares for a long moment and then shakes his head. “You and Harlow are quite the pair, aren’t you? Both such noble martyrs. It’d be sickening if it weren’t so goddamn cute.”
He drinks his coffee, still watching me. “Let’s say I’m in the believing sort of mood. You’ve done this much for the faction. Can’t imagine you like the idea of handing over all that power just because I’m back.”
I don’t, but it’s more than that. I can’t let the faction go back to where it was before we killed Abel’s father. Too many people suffered during those days, and I’ll commit further unforgivable acts to ensure they don’t suffer again. My father? Abel’s father? They saw the throne as power that was their due. Neither of them felt the weight of ruling, the sheer responsibility for every life within the faction.
Not like I do.
“That depends on what your plans are.”
His smile is knife-sharp. “Yeah, that’s not an answer. You planning on pulling a repeat of eight years ago, Eli?”
It’s the only way to ensure the faction’s safety. No matter what cracks Abel has shown me, the truth is that he’s a stranger to me now. I can’t guarantee that he’s not an even worse version of his father. Waiting to see is just paving the way for him to hurt those who can least afford the harm. It won’t be me or Harlow or even Old Town that bears the brunt of his ruthlessness. It will be kids like Harlow was all those years ago. I couldn’t save her then. I can save those nameless kids now, though.
I lift my mug and let the warmth of the coffee seep into my hands. “It would be the smart play to make. You’re an unknown quantity.”
“Oh, I think you know me pretty well by now.”
That surprises a chuckle out of me. “Fucking is different, and you know it.”
“Yeah, I guess I do.” He drains the rest of his mug and sets it on the counter. What little joking there was in his expression bleeds away. “I’ll think about what you said, Eli. I’ve had eight years thinking you betrayed me, and I think you’ll understand that I’m not all that willing to pull a one-eighty just because you say so.”
I expected nothing else. Honestly, I didn’t expect a single thing. I wouldn’t have broached this conversation if he didn’t push it, if Harlow didn’t push it. I’m not sure what she’s trying to accomplish, but it aches to talk about this shit. That night is a wound that never quite healed right, and I suspect it’s the same for Abel. We’ve had too long to move through the world with those wounds; they’ve shaped us into the men we are now.
We were friends all those years ago. We might have been more if either of us ever made a move. None of that matters now. The only thing that does is what we do next.
My coffee tastes bitter on my tongue. “Believe what you want, Abel. I know I don’t deserve forgiveness for what I’ve done, but I’ll do worse to keep the people of Raider faction safe.”
He stalks to me, crowding me back against the counter with his bigger body. His proximity goes through me like a bolt of pure lust, and it’s everything I can do not to respond physically. I hold perfectly still. Fuck, I even hold my breath.
He reaches out and loosely brackets my throat with his calloused hand, his expression contemplative. “Come to bed with us again tonight.”
I swallow hard. I want to say yes more than I’ve wanted anything in a very long time. “Doesn’t seem wise to go without sleep for too many nights in a row.”
Abel gives me a slow smile that has my cock twitching despite my best efforts. “No one’s getting sleep tonight, and I think you know it.” He squeezes lightly then steps back. “Your choice.”
I watch him walk away, my chest too tight. Yeah, I want to climb back into bed with him and Harlow—the sooner, the better—but there’s no avoiding the meeting with Marie tonight. She’s already pushing against my orders; I can’t afford for her to act on her own because I’m otherwise occupied. She’s never had a problem following orders before, but we’re in uncharted territory in a number ways at the moment.