Remembering Forest’s words, I begin to doubt myself. Crap, is that all we were to Forest? Still a fake relationship, a trial period?
Did I read too much into what was happening between us? But still, we freaking had sex!
I shut my eyes against the wave of pain, remembering his touches, his kisses, how he made me feel. It couldn’t have been an act. I’m not that crazy. Forest felt it too when we made love. Didn’t he?
I sink down against the wall and rest my forehead on my knees. The past week has been the hardest of my life. I’m struggling to keep my head above the water. Everything hurts a million times more because it’s Forest. He was supposed to be different.
We’ve never had a fight before, and it leaves me feeling frazzled and lost. I don’t know how to handle this. It reminds me of when he lost his temper with me because he couldn’t find me. He never got angry at Kennedy.
Do I bring out the worst in the guys I date?
Do I expect too much from a relationship? Does the problem lie with me? I mean, I don’t have the best history when it comes to dating. Eli even said I was high maintenance and not worth the effort.
Was he right about everything?
Forest and I never told anyone things between us changed. I can’t even hate Kennedy because she’s under the impression Forest is single.
So the problem lies with me.
I close my eyes at the thought that I am broken. I’m so fucking broken, not even my best friend can date me for longer than two weeks.
I’m… undateable… forgettable… unlovable as a woman.
Another tear sneaks over my cheek as the realization crushes my heart to a pile of hopeless dust.
It hurts too much. It feels as if I’ve been flayed open, and my heart ripped from my chest. Then Forest and Kennedy, with their perfect love, did the freaking tango over my broken heart until there’s nothing left but a bloody mess.
Lifting my head, I stare at the opposite wall.
Knowing I can’t hide here and drown in my sorrow, I climb to my feet. It’s time to let go of Forest. He was never mine, to begin with. I’m the odd one out keeping Kennedy and Forest from finding their happiness.
God, I hate myself. So much.
No wonder my relationships all fail. Who can love such a failure of a human being?
Feeling numb with pain and self-hatred, I walk out of the art building to face the mess I’ve created. I only make it to the dorms when I see Forest and Kennedy. I’m not close enough to hear what they’re saying but seeing them hug, despair fills all the empty parts of me.
I can’t believe what I’ve done to Forest, the hell I’ve put him through. I’m a fucked up person and not even worthy of his friendship.
Forest glances my way, and when I see the frustrated expression on his face, I know I did that to him.
My feet begin to move again, and I rush into the dorm. Taking the elevator up, I try to gather the strength to let Forest go so he can be happy.
It’s going to kill me, but for Forest, I’m willing to die.
When I walk into the suite, it’s only to find Carla leaning against the back of a couch. Her gaze lifts to me, disappointment tightening her features.
“The relationship is real?” she asks in a low voice. “So much for us being best friends. Right?”
I hear the door open and shut behind me, and without having to look, I know Forest just came in.
Carla’s eyes snap to him. “You lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” Forest grumbles at her. “While we’re slinging accusations at each other, where the hell do you get off telling Kennedy that Aria and I are in a fake relationship? You had no right to do that.”
When Noah comes down the hallway, I lower my eyes to the floor, knowing this will get so freaking ugly before the night is over.
Carla takes a step toward Forest, then she says, “If the two of you hadn’t kept it from me, I would’ve known to keep my mouth shut. Don’t you dare turn this on me.” Carla rushes back to the couch and grabs a piece of paper. When she tears it in half, she hisses, “This show is over. You both crossed the line and then kept it from me. What am I to the two of you? Chopped liver?” She sucks in a trembling breath, and it crushes what’s left of my heart.
“I’m sorry, Carla,” I say, and walking toward her, I plead, “I didn’t want to drag you into it.”
“You both dragged me into this mess the day you decided this fake relationship was the answer to all your problems. I didn’t have much choice in the matter.” She pauses to take a breath, and I hate to see how she’s struggling to not cry. “You’ve been living in your little bubble since school started. I’m not even a part of the group anymore. It hurts finding out just how little you mean to the two people who were supposed to be your best friends.”