I remember all the thoughts that have been looping through my brain ever since it happened.
The thoughts of what I would do different if I could go back in time to save her.
Forgetting the very pleas I whispered in Amanda’s ear earlier, pleas to do as they say and not to give them a reason to hurt us, I stick my arm out and step in front of her.
Though I intended for them to come out bold and strong, the words, “Leave her alone,” crackle weakly past my lips.
The man’s head swings in my direction and that wicked gleam dims with anger and indignation.
“Who the fuck do you think you are telling me what to do?” the man snarls before he brutally thrusts his rifle back into my chest.
He thrusts and pushes the gun into me until he has me up against the wall, choking for air and my spine trying to push through the brick.
“Huh? Huh?! Who the fuck do you think you are, you stupid bitch?” he snaps, his eyes boring into my eyes as I reach up, clawing at the thing choking the life out of me.
Maybe if I had the breath, I’d tell him exactly who I am.
I’d tell him I’m the one and only beloved daughter of Garden City’s Police Chief.
Maybe I’d even tell him he’s not going to get away with this. That he’ll pay for what he’s doing to us.
That’s just how the world works. You can’t mess with people like me and my friends and not expect to suffer the consequences in the end.
But I don’t have the breath, and he’s showing no signs of stopping.
The cold metal of the rifle continues to dig and dig into my throat, and my head starts to feel light and fuzzy.
“You’re nothing,” he snarls at me as my lungs burn and ache for a taste of oxygen.
Even with all that’s happened, up until this point, I haven’t truly felt or believed those words.
Nothing? How am I nothing?
I’m someone. I’m somebody!
Not only do I matter, I’m important.
There are people who care about me. Powerful people. People that are probably looking for me at this very second…
I watch his nostrils flare as he takes a deep breath then exhales, “You’re no one.”
And god help me, I never thought I’d be jealous of another person breathing.
But fuck, I just want to take a breath.
And where are the people that are looking for me?
Where are they when I need them?
Where’s my father?
Don’t I matter? Shouldn’t I be a fucking priority?
You’d think!
But maybe he’s right... Maybe I truly am no one and they’re not even looking…
Maybe I’m going to die right here.
Just like Lindsey.
“Hey, man. Hey! Cut that shit out! You leave any marks on her and it’s your ass!” someone yells.
The rifle crushes against my windpipe as the man pushes even harder
“You’re just a stupid bitch,” he growls. “A stupid cheap piece of ass being offered to the highest bidder.”
With a look of contempt and a sound of disgust, he yanks the rifle away.
Falling to my knees, I grab at my aching throat as I gasp in great big mouthfuls of air.
Looking down at me like I’m shit he just stepped in, the man makes a loud, throaty noise and then something wet splatters against my thighs.
“You’re not even worth my fucking time or breath.”
Tears fill my eyes as I watch him turn his back to me, obviously not the least bit worried I’ll try to fight back again.
I won’t.
I won’t try to fight back again.
Because he’s right.
Here, in their world, I am nothing.
I’m just a stupid bitch who thought for a split second that she could change things or make a difference.
I have no power to stop this or him.
I’m completely, utterly, pathetically…
Weak and helpless.
But I still want to live.
With the sting of my own death still burning in my nose and tingling on my lips, I shakily force myself to get to my feet. Afraid that if I stay like I am for too long the man will turn his attention back to me and finish what he started.
As I rise, the red-haired woman to my right purposely avoids meeting my eyes and shies away from me like she’s afraid to be too close to me.
It shouldn’t hurt. I don’t know her, and I shouldn’t care what she thinks of me.
But it does.
What hurts even more though is when I look to Amanda and see her doing the same thing.
Shying away from me like she doesn’t want to be associated with me.
Fighting back more tears, I wrap my arms around myself and shuffle back until I’m against the wall.
Surrounded on both sides by women just like me, naked, afraid, and just wanting to survive, I’ve never felt more alone.
Beth is gone. I don’t know where they’ve taken her.