“You can’t leave now,” I whisper. “We have to keep it up. Just for tomorrow, and I’ll leave early the next morning. You’re right. This doesn’t change anything. And I do trust you. I’m sure you’re a gentleman.” I don’t mention the whole popping a boner when he kissed me yesterday incident. It wasn’t his fault any more than it’s my fault that my lady cave starts rejoicing whenever it even sees Gabriel, and when my eyes see him. Is that the same thing? God, my head…
Wait. This does change things. I mean, Gabriel isn’t gay. Does that mean I have to feel guilty about being attracted to him? Does it mean I can be attracted to him? I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that this is fake. So it’s safe. Right? But can I rightfully feel attraction now? Does he feel it back?
“This is too much to process right now,” I moan. “The best thing we can do is get some frozen peas, since Mom always has those around, and go back to bed. I’ll jam the blanket in between us. It’s hot anyway. I don’t need it. I…yeah. We both should get some sleep. Hopefully, the swelling on this goes down, and if not, I’m a whiz with makeup. I hope. If I can’t tame it, maybe one of my sister’s friends can. It’s going to be fine. All of this. It’s fine, I guess. It kind of has to be.”
Gabriel stares at me like he doesn’t quite believe me, but he doesn’t move.
Why in the farge of fargiest farge did I ever suggest we practice kissing? Was that bad of me? The evil parts of me, the devil on my shoulder, my lady cave, surging hormones, undeniable chemistry, and the attraction I couldn’t control—was it all of that talking? Were my inner demons coming out? It was a thing. I think people used to think it happened when you sneezed.
“Okay, yes. It will be fine. Don’t move. I’ll go search for the peas, and I’ll adjust the blanket.” Gabriel winces. “God, I’m really sorry.”
“Stop saying that.” I flop back onto the pillows, throw an arm up over my eyes, and moan. “It’s okay. I mean, this was all because of me. So don’t apologize. It’s out there now, and I’m sorry I reacted so badly and fell off the bed. I should have actually talked to you before instead of just using you to reach some terrible goal. Karma is kicking my ass now.”
Gabriel actually smiles at that. I can see it creeping over his face, turning him all handsome and stuff, from underneath the arm I threw over the thundering pain in my head. At least it’s not spreading. The rest of my face doesn’t hurt. I think. I think I can still feel it…
“What’s so funny?” There isn’t any humor in my voice. I’m exhausted, but to be fair, it’s not Gabriel’s fault. I was already tired before.
“I thought the same thing last night when I thought I broke the toilet. And when I imagined how it might have to be dealt with. I actually thought I was doing a walk of shame to come to confess my sins to you.”
A snort bursts out of my throat and nose simultaneously and echoes through the room. “Oh my god,” I giggle. “Freaks. That’s enough karma for both of us. Get the peas and get in bed and let’s just go to sleep. Everything is going to be fine in the morning. I refuse to entertain any other notion. And karma can just mess right off. We are going to rock that wedding tomorrow.”
“Even the kissing?” Gabriel asks sheepishly.
“Yeah.” I manage to lift my arm and flash a thumbs up. “Even the kissing. Peas now? Please? They’re in the fridge freezer. We have a deep freeze too, but only the stuff that needs to be banished goes in there, like extra gravy and shit that never sees the light of day. I don’t even know why my parents have that thing.”
“Emergency dead body storage?”
I’m not a snorty person, but for the second time in just a few minutes, I snort-laugh. I laugh until my abs hurt as much as my forehead. Gabriel doesn’t wait around for my response. He disappears fast. I can’t wait for my peas. And for the morning. I don’t know if you can will your own destiny into being, but I’m willing hard. As hard as I ever have.
Please just let everything be fine for my sister’s wedding. And please, please, please, let me not have a lump the size of a bowling ball on my head. And please, please, please, stop me from being attracted to Gabriel, because now the biggest barrier is gone, and this is still fake. It can only be fake. I want to be single too much for this not to be fake. Right? Yes. Yes, I still want to be single. Damn it!