Maxim had been forced to do that? As a boy? My heart broke for him and Dmitri.
He gauged my expression. "My family is surrounded by death and destruction. Aleksandr killed young. As did I. Only I did it with my bare hands when the man wasn't able to defend himself. I crept out of that basement, some dark warped thing, desperate to kill. How can you not view me differently?"
"I do view you differently. I'm staggered by how brave you were to protect yourself and Dmitri from a monster." I wish I were so brave! I clutched Maxim's shoulders. "I can't feel more fiercely about this. I hate that the weight of this fell on you. But have you thought about the children you spared in that man's future? Or the ones you avenged from his past? And since Orloff was ready to let you die, why should we not believe he'd murdered before?"
My reaction took Maxim aback, but I needed to make him understand. "Sometimes people aren't courageous enough to do what is necessary--adults aren't." In my position, Maxim would've met Edward head on, fighting. "All they can do is dream about being brave. You did what had to be done when you were just a boy. So yes, I see you differently!"
"I didn't expect you to be so . . . vehement." Maxim's gaze flicked over my face, then slid to his right shoulder.
I was squeezing him? Self-conscious, I dropped my hands and cleared my throat. "What did you do afterward?"
He frowned at my reaction, but continued, "Dmitri didn't want anyone to know what Orloff had done to him, so I got rid of the body in the woods. He was never found. We said he got drunk, went out before a storm, and didn't return. No one particularly cared. Years later, I learned he'd been suspected of abusing girls and boys from his own town. Afterward, an elderly woman arrived as guardian. She didn't hurt us, nor did she help us."
"How is Dmitri now?"
He scrubbed a hand over his face. "He was displeased to hear of my relationship with you."
Maxim had said he wasn't ready for his brothers to learn of me. "And I pretty much announced myself."
"He would have heard by the time of this wedding."
"So some of the angry phone calls have been about me?"
"It can't be helped." He exhaled. "Dmitri could not be more damaged. Every move he makes to get better seems to entrap him more deeply in the past."
"Does he have anyone in his life? A partner? Friends?"
"He's incapable of a relationship. We were alike in that, commiserating over it. While I had my script, he'd developed what he calls protocols. They are more far-reaching, even . . . absolute." He opened his mouth to say more, then paused. "You will meet him. I don't want to color your perception any more."
What more could there be? But I said, "I understand."
"He blames Aleksandr for abandoning us. As eldest, Aleksandr had been a father to Dmitri. Then he was gone."
"Is that why you said you resented him?"
"I used to hate him, imagining his carefree life under the protection of a good man like Kovalev. Yet I learned recently that Aleksandr lived on the streets before Kovalev adopted him. Among so many homeless children, he was an outsider. He'd been raised with privilege--abused, yes, but wealthy--and he talked little by nature. Being alone meant he also had . . . trials, was in no way freed when he left us. In fact, he used to believe he'd been singled out for torment. After finding Natalie, he believes he was tested so he would become strong enough to protect her--that the purpose of his life was always to safeguard hers and ensure her happiness. What do you think of that?"
I softly asked, "How do we know that isn't true? If you believe everything happens for a reason . . ."
He seemed to mull this over. "For decades, I could see no reason for my own trials as a boy. Insomnia plagued me. My appetite was deadened; I could take or leave food, deriving no enjoyment from it. My hypersensitive skin made touch unbearable. For years, I had to grit my teeth just to wear a shirt. Even when I improved physically, my mind wasn't ready to let go. If anyone got close to touching my skin, I'd feel as if my chest was caving in."
Just like mine did when I practiced revealing my past. "But things are different with you now. You have a sweet tooth. You sleep soundly." I whispered, "I touch you."
"I told Aleks of these developments, seeking his opinion."
How odd to hear a man as self-reliant as Maxim getting another's take. But then, Aleks was his big brother, newly reunited with him. "What did he say?"
"He believes a man knows his woman because he begins to evolve for her, to become what she needs. You told me if the incentive was strong enough, some men could change. Aleksandr wanted Natalie more than he wanted his old ways, so he cast them aside. Isn't that what you believe?"
"Yes."
"I sensed something was different about you before we touched, solnyshko. When you grinned over your wineglass and told me the view from the Seltane penthouse was 'adequate,' I got a chill--because I had the impulse to grin. I responded to you as I never have to another, and it unnerved me." Maxim grazed his fingers along my cheekbone. "All those years ago, when I was down in that basement, I wish I had known that on the other side of the world, there was a bold little girl fighting for her pride. And that she would come into my life one day to make it brighter."
With a press of my lips to his forehead, I said, "Now I know that in the snowy north of Siberia, a boy was becoming a man under the harshest possible conditions." How could Maxim have grown so confident? So at ease with power? So remarkable in every way?
He said, "You told me it happened, it hurt, and better things await me. Do they? Am I becoming what you need, Katya?"
I drew a shaky breath. "Maybe you can move on now that you're different? Maybe you want to move on?"
He was silent for long moments, seeming to make a decision. Finally he asked, "Was this too much for you to hear?"
"No. But I hurt with you." For the scared boy he'd been. For the man dealing with his brother's anguish. And his own.
"I do feel . . . better. Lighter. Aleks was right. It's a burden lifted. I would've had to tell you eventually, so I'm relieved it's done."
Because he was that certain we'd be together? My heart clamored. I wanted this man so much! He was the yearning.
"If I'd known you'd react this way, I wouldn't have dreaded the telling so much."
"Thank you for trusting me."
"And you'll give me yours in return. So we can move forward."
Dios mio. I swallowed with nervousness. How could I not trust him?
I might have told Maxim even now--or tried to utter the words--but the look in his eyes said he needed something completely different from me. He wanted to lose himself inside me. To know pleasure and bury pain. I wanted to give him whatever he needed.
As he took me in his arms, I decided that once we got back to Miami, I was going to trust him too.
My heart skipped a beat when I realized, I'll have to tell him eventually.
After the wedding, I'd tell him everything.
CHAPTER 32
When I kissed Maxim good-bye that afternoon, he blinked open his eyes.
After making love twice, he and I had ordered room service, then fallen asleep again. I'd gotten up and dressed before he'd awakened.
Jess and Natalie had told me to join them at three to get my makeup and hair done with the bridal party, but even after last night, I hadn't wanted to impose. Now that it was closing in on five, I figured it wouldn't hurt to show and see if Jess could use some last minute help.
Maxim took in my appearance.
I'd knotted my hair in a high, loose bun and looped my pearls around my neck to make a choker. Matching pearls adorned my ears. I wore minimal makeup. Against the color of my unforgettable dress, my eyes appeared amber, so I played that up with a smidge of soft tawny eye shadow.
But would he approve of my gown? "Well?"
When the designer had first suggested yellow to highlight my tan and my eyes, I'd scrunched my nose, predicting a more conservative crowd here. Then I'd tried on the simple, strapless sheath dr
ess and fell in love.
Maxim's gaze turned heated, his lips parting. "You are . . . exquisite, solnyshko."
Seeing his reaction and knowing his past, I was glad I'd chosen vibrant and bold.
He met my eyes. "And you're mine."
I swallowed. He'd meant every word last night.
Just when I got excited, he said, "Give me ten minutes, Miss Marin." Miss. "Let me grab a shower, and we'll go down."
"I thought I'd go see if Natalie and Jess needed anything."
Tension stole through his body. "Are you . . . are you avoiding me after what I told you?"
I leaned down to cup his face. "No." I kissed him, brief, hard. "They asked me to be there two hours ago, but I held off. Then I started getting worried about Jess's wedding coordination today. I need to make sure that Natalie has a wingwoman. After all she's been through, she deserves to have the most fantastic wedding."
"Ah. I see." He stretched his arms over his head, making my mouth water. "I'm glad you hit it off with them. Go. I'll see you soon."
Out in the lodge, I headed toward the pavilion. I found the bridal party in an adjoining drawing room by following the sound of laughter. Inside was crowded. I skirted past bridesmaids and friends, hair stylists, makeup artists, photographers, and a videographer to get my first look at Natalie. My jaw dropped.
Her ivory gown must've been taken straight from a fairy tale. The dramatic, backless work of art had a skirt of flowing silk chiffon, with tints of pink that made her pale skin shimmer. She wore her long red hair up, loosely pinned and dotted with pearls, wisps curling around her beaming face.
I exclaimed, "Dios mio, tan guapa! You're so beautiful!"
She blushed and waved me over. "You're one to talk--you should always wear this color! I'd hug you, but Jess has forbidden me to touch anyone wearing makeup. Or to follow anything shiny. Or to sweat."
"Is there anything I can get for you?"
"It's all good, just as long as Jessabel doesn't catch me eating."