Her smile turned sad. "Even an old maid like me can get lonely."
"Old maid?" Tori sputtered in disbelief. "You look all of twenty! We look like the sisters we've become."
Cammy grinned at Tori's expression, then hugged her. "There. I feel better already. You are a good friend and sister, Tori."
"You make it easy to be," she replied, still concerned.
Before she could say more, Cammy changed the subject. "We should check to see if your grandfather's awake," she advised, knowing Tori had determined to spend every hour with him that she could.
Tori reluctantly dropped the subject and nodded. They both feared he couldn't last much longer.
"It's been days," Serena sobbed, her sausage curls bouncing with emotion. "Ian told me he had someone for me to meet on the morrow, but he never arrived. I sent a footman around to his bachelor apartments, but he couldn't find Ian. A neighbor told him they saw my boy getting knocked about." She made a wailing sound behind her lace handkerchief. "By a crimp gang!"
Grant saw Derek trying not to laugh. And it was almost funny. For Traywick to be crimped--his spendthrift, indulged cousin to live as a common sailor. It could be argued that this was the ideal punishment for his wild ways.
Amanda sat beside her sister, as close as possible considering Serena's jutting hoops under bright satin skirts, and patted her hand. "Serena, you must be calm."
Grant felt like snorting. As if his high-strung, hypochondriac aunt had ever lived up to her name.
"We'll devise a way to find him."
"Someone's got to, and quickly! I'll have a brain spasm before this is all through."
Grant mouthed brain spasm to Derek, and his brother coughed into a fist.
"You know Ian! He won't last a week taking orders from someone else." Serena punctuated this with another wail.
When all eyes turned to Grant, he exhaled slowly. He was the most logical choice to retrieve his cousin, having just spent more than a year in his close company. And he'd ignored Ian's repeated attempts to confide in him. Something had been developing, and Grant hadn't been there for him. Guilt seared his chest.
He let out a long breath. "I actually saw him home that night because he'd, well, overimbibed. I don't know what could make him go back out in his condition. Aunt Serena, I'll go after him. They can't have gotten far in a fully cargoed ship."
"That's true," Nicole said. Turning to Derek, she asked, "When will you two leave?"
"I can handle this alone," Grant told her. "I'm sure Derek doesn't want to be separated from you and the baby."
Derek looked to relax again, apparently thinking the debate was finished.
"Ian's your cousin too, Derek. And it'll be good for you to visit with Grant after so long. Besides, it should only take you a few days to track him down."
Derek exhaled loudly. "Aunt Serena, you have nothing to fear."
Twenty-six
Tori, do you regret it?"
"Hmmm?" she murmured from her grandfather's window. Forehead against the cool glass, she looked out over the land through the misting rains that had persisted for weeks. She tried to picture it as Nicole had suggested--with flats and swells rolling to the horizon like waves on the sea. It did look like a body of water, at least. A river of flowing mud. She turned to her grandfather, who had just awakened, and smiled. "Do I regret what?"
"Being brought back here?"
"Of course not." She sat next to him and took his hand. His skin was cool and papery. "I am so grateful you did what you did. You never gave up on us. We'll always love you for that."
"But there's a sadness about you, Tori, that wasn't there when you were younger," he said. "I understand about the wreck, of course. You don't know how much I hate that I wasn't able to protect you from that--"
"That's not why I'm sad now," she interrupted, never, never wanting him to feel guilt for that. She softly admitted, "I fell in love with Grant."
He gasped and squeezed her hand. "You love him? I was worried you were so angry with him that you wouldn't see that. Oh, this is good news, indeed."
Surprised by his eager tone, she informed him, "He doesn't feel the same."
He gave her an incredulous look. "Boy's mad for you," he said, then snuggled back into his pillows. Seeing him like this, she realized he'd never truly relaxed before now. "Just as I've hoped--you'll be married to Sutherland by May," he rasped happily.
Though Tori knew it was untrue, she couldn't help giving him an affectionate smile and putting his hand to her cheek. He sighed in contentment and drifted to sleep again.
Her grandfather's funeral was to her mother's funeral like day to night.
She had only the two to compare. Tori remembered when they'd buried Mother, when she and Cammy could only recite simple prayers. How she wished she'd known the pastor's comforting words then. She wished she'd done better by her mother. She wondered if she'd done everything possible for her grandfather.
He'd been so loved. Even with the continued rains, scores came to wish him farewell. And of the many villagers who had showed up in their best, only one or two managed dry eyes.
Tori was thankful he didn't suffer in the end. When she'd realized he was fading, she'd stayed by his bed, holding his hand, hoping for some last words. But he passed from sleep into death without a whisper. As though he could finally rest.
After the funeral, Tori returned to her room, planning to stay there for several days and cry until she didn't feel this cloying emptiness. In the short time she'd been here, she'd remembered her grandfather from her early childhood more clearly and remembered how much her father and mother had looked up to him, how both had loved him. Tori had loved him too. And now he was gone.
She'd wager Grant would be taking control of the estate soon. There was nothing left for her here.
The rain continued to fall, coming down in torrents, seeming to give Tori permission to lie curled up in bed, crying, feeling sorry for herself. Cammy had been so helpful, a bedrock of strength for her, but Tori didn't want to burden her further. Alone would be best.
But after she'd spent three days taking her meals in her room and avoiding everyone, the Huckabees begged a word with her and would not be dissuaded. When Cammy told her she wanted to have a serious talk as well, Tori agreed to meet the three of them at breakfast the next day.
"Mrs. Huckabee and myself," the steward began uncomfortably when they'd all convened around the breakfast table, "we was wondering what you ladies planned to do now."
Before her grandfather had determined that Tori would indeed marry Sutherland, he'd become increasingly concerned about her future. She'd brushed it off, wanting only to enjoy her remaining time with him. Now Tori struggled with the idea of what she should do with her life. "I don't know. I know there isn't much money." She plucked a hot pastry from a basket Mrs. Huckabee handed to her. Cammy blushed when she took two for herself.
"Actually
, there's no money. At the last, even the earl didn't know how bad we were, 'cause everyone agreed to shelter him. But we can help you sell the remaining furnishings and set up a nice little house in town."
Tori dropped the bun. "Town?" She hated towns. They were so loud and cramped. "What will you do?"
"We've got positions at an estate near Bath."
"You won't stay on?" Cammy asked.
Mrs. Huckabee answered, "No, our families have worked for the Dearbournes at Belmont for over a century. Without Lady Victoria or her young ones here, there won't be any Huckabees about."
"But we won't leave till we find a place for both of you." Huckabee scratched his head. "Though we might need to be quick about it, because that creditor gets the Court in forty-five days if Sutherland doesn't claim it."
Tori asked slowly, "You mean it's not just automatically his?"
"No, no. Their agreement was an amendment to the earl's will. Unless Sutherland exercises the codicil within forty-five days, the will settles as it normally would, with you inheriting the estate."
Grant often accused Tori of ignoring him. But she'd been attending every word he'd said that last afternoon. I won't come claim it. "What if he doesn't?"
"Then you'd have one day after that to pay the creditor's notes or he'd claim it from you."
Her brows drew together. What if Grant really did give it up? Her grandfather had loved this place. He'd told her he loved it with his soul. At the time she'd listened to his words, she'd been struck only by the remarkable sacrifice he'd made for his family. Now she wanted to know why he loved it. Why it would've broken her father to lose it. And why her mother talked about the peace she found here. Could this run-down estate be her destiny? Was that why she had been brought this far?
There was one way to find out. She shot up from the table, then marched toward the doorway, calling over her shoulder, "Be back soon." Hastily, she donned her cloak. When she opened the door to head for the stables, her eyes hurt from the shock of sunlight after so many days inside. Blinking, adjusting, she finally opened them; they widened at the change in the landscape. Her breath shuddered out.
Green. Everything is a startling green. "Oh," she breathed as she twirled around to take in the hills carpeted in new grass, at the flowers bravely sprouting between rocks. So this was what Nicole meant. She'd wondered. When the snow melted, they'd been left with rain and runnels of mud, and Tori had been consistently unimpressed. Now...Breathtaking.