Tori's head fell back against the wall. "Is there a cliff nearby I can hurl myself from?"
"I'm just pleased he didn't see us two minutes later." His voice was low and rumbling.
"Oh, and you're just sure I would've continued with this?"
"Wouldn't you have?"
She pursed her lips. "That's not what's at issue. Just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean I have to like feeling that way. And why do you even desire to kiss me? You made your feelings about me clear."
"And you made yours equally clear." He frowned. "Wait a moment, when did I make my feelings clear?"
"Let's see.... You said making love to me was a mistake"--she began ticking off points on her fingers--"that I would always be a liability. And that you shuddered to think how I would behave in England."
His face tightened. "Ian told you that? I'm going to smash--"
"I overheard the conversation."
"All of it?" He flushed, suddenly looking very uncomfortable.
What else was said? She searched his face, but his eyes were shuttered. "I heard enough to know that you were going to ask me to marry you because you would own up to your mistakes."
He flinched.
"And then when you informed me we had to be married, you confirmed everything that had been said." She shook her head. "How could something I saw as so wonderful be a mistake to you?"
"Because it was. By doing that, I abused your grandfather's trust. And that's something I swore I wouldn't do. I wanted you so badly that I turned my back on my promise, my honor."
"You wanted me...badly?"
"You couldn't tell when I completely lost control?" His voice grew low. "Or when I grew hard in you immediately after?"
Her face heated, remembering. "I didn't know if I was just another woman for you," she whispered. "How could I have known it was different for you when I'd never experienced it before?" But she had thought it was special, exquisitely so.
"Victoria, no woman could have tempted me, has ever tempted me, like you."
A rush of pleasure sped through her at his words. Then her face fell. "That doesn't change the other things you said."
"Since I've seen you with my family, I've realized you did a lot of brazen things on the ship just to irritate me. Even if I was still hung up on your behavior, which I'm not, I know now why you acted as you did."
"Oh." There was that. She had done much to needle him then. "And those women this morning? You saw the way they looked at me."
"They looked at you like that because you look tumbled and breathless and alive. More than they've ever dreamed of being." His brows knitted as a thought occurred. "Wait, you knew I was going to ask you to marry me?"
She examined the hem of her skirt.
"Is that why you said those things to me? About finding someone else?"
"Yes." She looked directly into his eyes. "You hurt my pride. You hurt me so much. There was no way I was going to marry you."
She thought he would be furious, but he just seemed lost in thought. "You couldn't have said anything that would have unsettled me more. You played on a fear of mine."
"You'd brought it up in the past and seemed bothered by it."
"You didn't feel that way? You would have been content with me?"
She thumped his chest with the back of her hand. "Just how many more ways could I have shown you that?"
He caught her hand and kissed her fingertips. "We have to marry. I can't be lifting up your skirts and taking you in the hall."
"We have to marry? Because then you can?"
"Then I wouldn't need to." His lips curled into a lazy, seductive smile that made her chest feel too small for her heart. "We'd be sated by morning if we shared a bed." As soon as he said it, he frowned and muttered to himself, "I don't think I'll ever be sated of you."
Words bubbled up in response, words she was helpless to contain. "I love you."
He made a low sound, then kissed her deeply, lovingly, but he hadn't said the words back. She pushed him away.
"I told you I loved you. Those words deserve some answer just as if they were a question."
He ran a hand through his hair.
Like a slap, she recognized he did not feel the same way. Well, she'd thought that. But she'd also expected he might say that the feelings would grow. That he could love her. Just give me something more to hold on to, her mind cried. The absence of those words was like a blow so sharp, she wondered if she could remain standing. "It's obvious you don't feel the same way."
"I admire you. I respect you."
Just give me something more than that! She envisioned a lifetime of being compelled by feeling to say "I love you" and his reply of "Uh-huh." She shuddered. "Both those declarations sound wide of the mark in response to mine."
"Why are you seizing on this?"
"Because we are mismatched. Oil and water." Just as Nicole had said--nothing smoothed out the differences like love. Without it, their relationship wouldn't survive the clash between their disparate personalities.
He waited for her to explain.
"I'm fun-loving--you're not. I'm optimistic--you're pessimistic. I'm impulsive--you're...predictable." She caught his gaze. "I welcomed and accepted that I want you so badly, and you've fought it with everything you are."
He shook his head, but he didn't deny it.
"There's no ease between us, no affection."
Realization showed on his face. "You've been studying Derek and Nicole."
She p
ut her chin up.
"They're an anomaly. They had to go through hell to get what they have."
"Well, I would as well. All we've got between us is lust. You can't build a marriage with just that."
"It's a bloody good start."
She shook her head. "There has to be love between a pair like us."
"Love?" He skewered the word.
"Yes. I won't compromise on that."
"Goddamn it, Victoria, you can't have everything."
"Why not?" she asked, sounding baffled even to herself. "Besides, I've missed out on a lot of things in life, and I won't forfeit that."
"You can't have everything your way. I asked you after Cape Town, and I'm asking you now. But if you say no, I'm not asking you again."
"So, it's to be marriage your way or nothing?"
"Yes," he answered without hesitation.
"I say it's to be marriage my way or nothing," she retorted.
His eyes narrowed and his lips thinned. "We've blundered and scraped our way through this, and now you choose to raise the stakes." She'd never seen him so enraged. "Never again, Victoria."
As he strode away from her, he hit the wall with his fist, crushing the plaster.
We finally get on the same page and she throws the bloody book out.
Grant had never felt such frustration. He was embarrassed for her. For saying those things that he couldn't answer. What compelled people to profess love?
She was going to deny them over a petty word, a driveling sentiment. Damn it, love was an untidy emotion.
Furious with her, Grant had stormed away, but as the hours dragged by, he had nowhere to go in the quiet house. With everyone asleep, it sounded hollow, like he felt. He nursed the anger. Anger was better than emptiness.
Since the day he'd met her, Grant had not had one single restful night's sleep. Tonight was the worst. He didn't even go through the motions, but sat in a chair, drinking brandy, remembering times on the island and analyzing. Always analyzing. When dawn rose, he did nothing but wash, then change his clothes.
Bleary-eyed and still fuming, he made his way downstairs, planning to guzzle coffee. Surprisingly, Derek was already up reading the paper. The paper drooped to reveal Nicole in his lap, her hand ensconced in Derek's shirt by way of a loosened button, drawing lazy circles on his chest as they read together. Fresh irritation simmered. "Must you two?"