I love you. I desire you. I need you. He drew back to gaze down into my eyes, leaving me breathless.
"Jack . . ."
"Pardon me," Aric said from the doorway, his expression stricken, his lungs heaving. With his hair disheveled and still wearing Jack's careworn clothes, he looked as far from the perfect nobleman as I'd ever seen him. "I heard a gun go off." His brows were drawn, his eyes searching. "And your scream."
I said, "Only got a nick on my arm."
Grave nod. "Very good. I am relieved to hear it." He swallowed hard and his gaze dipped to where Jack clasped my hand. "I will gather some supplies and be on my way."
I hadn't even noticed we were holding hands.
Jack frowned. "What about your armor and swords?"
His eyes flickered over what was left of Paul. "You will need them more than I will. To protect her." With a last glance, he left us.
Jack whistled low. "He would truly give up everything for you. Everything." He muttered, "Fucking stand-up Death."
I said, "That armor belongs with him."
"I sure as hell doan want it."
Gabriel rushed into the room, his gaze frantic. "Empress, I'm so sorry! Your babe? The avalanche! You lost so much blood."
"I'm still pregnant." I needed to reach Aric. I would hear his anguished roar for the rest of my days. What must he have thought? I absently said, "You saved me, Gabe. You saved us."
Gabriel put his head in his talon-tipped hands, then slid down the wall, losing a couple of black feathers. "My God, my God. I would have stabbed you."
Jack released me, hastening to the Angel's side. "Easy, podna. Just breathe."
"And I nearly killed you, Jack. I was a hair's breadth from slitting your throat."
"But you didn't."
He grabbed Jack's arm. "Where is Patrick?"
"With the Chariot. They were okay as of a few days ago. But we got separated. I think they might be in the DC area."
"I threatened him." Gabriel curled his wings around his body, seeming to hug himself. "Would have killed my best friend. How will I find him?"
Jack turned to me. "I got this, Evie. Damn it, go stall Dominija."
I nodded, then hurried after Death.
52
By the time I caught up with him, Aric had already changed his clothes and was using his supernatural speed to unload all the supplies Jack had transported from the cave. Staples, fuel, and a ton of baby things.
Baby things. Because Jack was committed.
Aric had opened one of the garage doors, was stacking boxes against the wall. I asked him, "Are you in a hurry?"
Curt nod.
"Why?"
"Even my willpower has its limits." He carried another box inside.
"Thinking about reneging?"
His shoulders stiffened, and he slowed. "Before, you would never have asked that, would have known I am a man of my word. If nothing else . . ."
"Oh, I think you'll give up ownership of the castle. I was just hoping you were having second thoughts about leaving me and our kid behind." There. I'd said our kid.
He set aside the box and turned to face me. "It's become clear that you and Jack belong together. I saw the emotion between you two when you stared into his eyes."
"And what about my relationship with you?"
He crossed to me. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. I've realized I was wrong about us. I belong with no one. It was always my fate." A ruler, forever alone.
"Forever alone, Aric? Too late." I pointed at my stomach. "Too late."
He pulled off a glove and cupped my cheek. His lids went heavy from the contact. "Es tevi milu." I love you. "But my soul is too tainted to be with another."
"I disagree." I didn't know what I was here to fight for. I just knew I wasn't ready to lose Aric.
Still had no idea where that left me and Jack.
Aric dug into his coat pocket and handed me the red ribbon. "Give this to him."
I stared down at it in shock. Jack must've told him its significance. Seeing it sent my unruly emotions into overdrive, but I needed to be rational about this. I pocketed it, clearing my throat to say, "You can't leave, Aric."
"He's not." Jack strode into the courtyard. "I'm the one heading out."
Gabriel followed him, looking calmer.
Aric drew his head back. "You too think I'll renege on the bargain I made with you?"
"Not at all. Which is why I can't do this."
"I don't understand."
"I made a promise to Evie: if I felt sure you were back to normal and wouldn't give into that rage again, I'd bow out. When I harbored doubts about you, I had no problems imagining myself robbing you blind, taking everything of yours. But now . . ." He waved to indicate me and Aric. When had I gotten so close to him? "Damn you, man, you're back to normal."
"Am I to have no say?" My eyes filled with tears.
"Non, peekon. For once, non. I told Kentarch that in the end, I'd do whatever is best for you. The fact is: Death can protect you better than I can. The man is ready to surrender his wife and kid to his rival just to keep them safe; you think I'm not ready to make the exact same sacrifice? I've got to put you and Tee in the best situation I can. No matter how bad it hurts."
My emotions were all over the place with this pregnancy and from the trauma I'd been through. If they did leave the decision to me, maybe it would put me over the edge. Because this was a choice I would never be able to make--perfect for me couldn't be bested. "You're leaving because you get to control the outcome. You need to control your fate."
"Doan matter why I'm goan. Just that I am," he said, echoing what he'd told me our first night in Jubilee.
I gave Aric a helpless look. Fix this, like you usually do. But how could he? I wanted them both.
Squaring his shoulders, he told Jack, "I struck a bargain with you. I will honor it."
"Me and Gabe have been talking. He's coming with me to find Joules and Kentarch. Then the four of us'll all head south to put together another settlement. That might steer Richter away from this place."
"You'll act as bait?" Aric said. "I can just as easily undertake that mission, leaving you here with her. Only two Arcana would remain then."
"Hell, Reaper, how far are you goan to get down the road with Joules?"
"I'll manage."
Jack shook his head. "You know this makes the most sense. We agreed that Evie and Tee come first."
Now they were fighting over who got to leave. Confusion swamped me. I'd tried to imagine a life here with Jack. Now I was back to raising a son here with Aric?
"Your boy needs to be with his father." Jack turned to me. "If my father had wanted anything to do with me and another man drove him away, I would've ended up hating that man. I woan be the wedge that separates Dominija from a son he's desperate to raise."
"I . . . I . . . ." Oh, God, I had no argument against that.
To Aric, he said, "You've waited two millennia to meet him, and now you're goan to bug out a few months before he gets here?" Clever Jack. "Look, we agreed you need a bolt hole for Evie and Tee. If you outfit me with sunlamps, fuel, and food, I can make that happen. Give me a job, Reaper. Put me to work." Holding Aric's gaze, he said, "I woan be moved from my decision. I swear on my mother's soul that this is what's happening."
A look passed between them, something that indicated those words were more than a weighty vow. Aric's defiant posture changed. Why?
What would he say? What would I say?
Silence stretched out--so many emotions played over Aric's face--until finally he intoned, "As you wish, mortal."
I was too stunned to speak.
Jack said, "Gimme a minute with her, guys."
"Of course." With a last look at me, Aric turned to go.
Gabriel followed, but paused a few steps away to say, "Empress, I once told you that I dearly wished you could end this game, but I don't believe it's possible anymore."
"Why?"
Sadness filled his
eyes. "Because we're almost at the end of it." With that, he left Jack and me alone out in the snowy night.
Gabriel would know about the end. He had the senses of both angel and animal. So how could I be separated from Aric when the game was spinning to its conclusion? Not to be able to watch over him?
But then, how could I live without Jack? Tears fell unchecked as I closed the distance between us. "I'm in love with you, and you're going to leave me? What about the night we spent together?"
He swallowed hard. "Makes this all the more difficult."
I waved at all the baby gear. "I think a part of you already loves this kid. Are you okay with never meeting him?"
"I'm okay with making sacrifices to keep you two protected." He curled his finger under my chin. "Think about it: getting you safe to your destination was always on me. That was my job. I did it, Evie; you're here. Let me have that."
"Jack . . ."
"Now I'll be goan back to where it all began. I'm goan home, me."
Right when I was about to beg--Take me with you!--he said, "Let me go, bebe. I got a blade in my heart."
Like a thorn in his skin? "I don't even know if Death and I can come back from everything that's happened." I loved Aric, but we had so much pain between us. I didn't believe he should be forever alone, but I also wasn't optimistic about recovering what we'd shared.