I frown and look away. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so rough on her. She willingly came with me when I escaped.
“But you were going to tell the guards about my plan,” I say, suddenly remembering she did threaten to expose me if I didn’t take her with me.
Her lips part. “I—”
“You wanted to get me caught,” I interject.
Tears well up in her eyes. “I just wanted to come with you. I didn’t know how else to convince you.”
I can’t. I just can’t.
I attempt to walk off, but she grabs my arm, and says, “Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t know what this meant to you. But I saw the happiness in your eyes whenever you spoke of this place, and I … really wanted to see it for myself.”
I still can’t look her in the eyes. It’s too hard to face the fact that what I’ve been through was forced upon me, and here she is making a gleeful choice to follow me out of pure curiosity.
But I’m forgetting that I was the one who followed Noah to the compound he was speaking at. I chose to seek him out. It was my choice that led me to get caught. So how can I fault her for doing the same thing?
“Can I come with you, please?” she begs. “I have nowhere else to go.”
“You could go back,” I mutter out of pure spite.
“They wouldn’t take me. You said it yourself, they’d probably kill us on the spot.” She gulps. “I don’t want to die.”
How can I say no?
“You made a choice,” I say, spinning on my heels to face her. “Do you regret it now?”
She shakes her head with tears in her eyes. She’s lying, and we both know it. But I know that face, that feeling … the utter dread of what have I done? It’s humiliating, painful, and impossible to face.
Who would I be if I didn’t recognize myself in her right now? Rejecting her would be like rejecting myself.
I close my eyes and sigh out loud. Then I beckon to her. “C’mon, let’s go.”
Her brows draw together, and a brief smile forms on her face. “Thank you.”
I wave it off and start walking, but she grasps my hand and forces me to stop. “No. I mean it. Thank you.” She looks deep into my eyes, and I can’t help but feel overcome by the sheer sincerity of her words. “Thank you … for saving me. From the river. From the hounds. From being alone. Thank you.”
I rub my lips together and force the tears to stay at bay while I look away for a second. “Yeah. Of course. Anyone would’ve done that.”
“No, they wouldn’t,” she says, and she smiles at me with that same smile she always gave me back at the community, so full of life … and something I only recognize now that I’m outside again.
Hope.
Chapter 3
Natalie
Standing in front of my apartment building is empowering.
I never thought I’d be back here.
Everything feels familiar but also completely new, as though the world is covered in a veneer that I can’t quite peel off. Everything’s the same, yet nothing is … because I’ve changed. Every step I take toward my old life only reminds me more of the fact that I’m no longer the girl I used to be when I still lived here.
Sighing, I enter the elevator and push the button. Emmy anxiously hops across the metallic lining and glances around as though she’s looking for a door.
“What is this … thing? This box?” she asks.
“An elevator,” I say, giggling. “It’ll take us up.”
When it starts to move, she grabs both walls and squeals. “Natalie! What’s happening? It’s moving!”
I giggle again. “That’s normal. It’s just a trolley pulling us up.”
“A what?”
“Like a bucket being pulled out of a well,” I explain.
It’s as if the light switches on in her brain. “Oh. Well … that makes sense.” She immediately stops clambering for the walls and stands up straight, and it only makes me want to giggle more.
“Stop it,” she says.
“Is this how you felt when you saw me stumble in the community?” I ask, raising a brow.
The doors open, and I walk out, but she shoves me a little. “Still sassy as ever.”
I throw her a cheeky smile before walking through the hallway and knocking on a door I’ve not knocked on in a very long time. When the door opens, a very mystified apartment building owner stares at me.
“Wilbur … Hi,” I say, waving when there’s no response. “I’m back.”
“Natalie?” he mumbles. “I thought you’d moved out of the country?”
I don’t know how to answer that one. It’s a lie Noah told him, but I’m not ready yet to tell anyone what really happened to me, let alone the man I rented an apartment from.