I didn’t know what our future held.
All I knew was that in that moment, no matter what happened, no matter where I was in a year or a week or even tomorrow, I had—for a brief moment—experienced perfection.
“Let’s go inside,” he said, breaking the spell. “I have to get to the office.”
I sighed and reluctantly followed him in.
“Oh, me too!” I said. “I’ll take a quick shower, if that’s okay?”
“Sure, but we can’t be seen going in to the office together. Max will be waiting outside for you.”
“Oh,” I said, my heart sinking. After all that stuff last night, part of me thought we’d reached another level. “I see.”
He looked at me for a quick second, a flash of something in his eyes that I couldn’t quite name, and then he turned and walked into his closet, leaving me standing in his room alone.
“I’ll see you at the office,” he yelled from the closet. “Lock the door on your way out. Towels are in the top cabinet in the bathroom.”
So, that was it?
He was just going to leave me here alone like that? No hug or kiss goodbye? I walked into the bathroom, my heart heavy, feeling like I was doing the walk of shame or something.
I’d let him do things to me last night that I never would have allowed anyone to do—and I’d liked it. It felt so intimate, so personal. I turned on the shower and climbed inside.
When the tears came, I told myself it was because of the pain of the water hitting my raw skin.
By the time I got out of the shower, the tears were gone and so was Bear.
Chapter 25
Massive. That’s the only word I could come up with. I’d skipped going into the office, choosing instead to finally take the opportunity to drop by the site of the unfinished hotel. Most of the exterior was finished, but it was missing key elements, like landscaping and lighting, before it would really shine.
When I stepped inside, wearing a hard hat and a name badge that I’d been given by the foreman, I felt like the breath had been ripped from my lungs. It was so big, too big, way too fucking big. I looked straight up through the atrium style tower, the doors of hundreds of rooms looming like one of those unending mirrors in a fun house. I felt sick.
What the hell had I gotten myself into?
I stepped over a pile of tools, lifting my knees up high, which only made the fabric of my wool slacks rub roughly against the welts on my ass. I winced in pain, shaking my head as I tried to take in the scene before me.
I was expected to come up with a cohesive design that would flow perfectly throughout the hotel, starting with the massive lobby, including every single one of the seven different floor plans of guest rooms, the ballrooms, the conference rooms, the endless amount of terraces, the offices, the penthouses and the nightclub located on the very top floor.
Just little old me and my one assistant.
Never mind what was I thinking accepting a job like this, but what the hell was Bear thinking?
All I knew about was sitting in my little studio apartment on Southwest Alder Street in downtown Portland and sewing my little vintage handmade dresses. Where in the hell did all of this come from?
Bear was crazy! I was crazy! This entire town was insane, this entire situation was so out of control. It was too much. That dungeon? What the fuck?
My head spun and I reached out for something to hold onto as the room began spinning. There was nothing around and I’d somehow stupidly convinced the foreman that it was safe to leave me alone in a construction area.
I stumbled outside, gasping for air as I reached the sidewalk, tearing off the hard hat.
Max waited patiently, just as he had every single time I’d needed to go anywhere. He was always around. And so was Bear. Even when he wasn’t there, I was drenched in his memory.
Ever since I’d stepped off his plane, I was overwhelmed by him.
And why?
Because he had some warped ‘sense’ about me when I was still practically a kid?
He’d made me feel things I’d never felt before, but I wasn’t sure I was really ready to feel them. How could I give myself away to someone when I didn’t fully understand myself yet?
Yes, I was supposed to say yes, but I was starting to think saying yes had gotten me a lot more than I could handle.
My breathing grew shallow and I spun away from Max and began walking down the sidewalk. It took exactly ten steps to realize I had no fucking idea where I was going.
I stopped, took a deep breath and walked back to Max.
“Can you please take me to the library?” I asked.
“Of course, ma’am,” he replied, with a curt, professional nod. I’d not given him much thought before, he’d kind of blended into the whole scene that Bear had created. He had a slight accent that I couldn’t place and he was darkly handsome, with beautiful olive skin and green eyes. He’d been so quiet.
After he pulled into traffic, I hit the button and the glass slid down.
“Max, where are you from?” I asked.
“Somalia,” he said.
“Wow, that’s far away from New York,” I said.
“It’s even further than you think, ma’am,” he replied, smiling at me in the rearview mirror.
“Why are you here in New York?” I asked.
“I’m a refugee, ma’am. Mr. Dalton took us in when our family fled the war. I met him when I was working at an elephant sanctuary in Kenya years before we fled. We became friends and when he heard we needed help, he was very generous to my entire family.”
“That’s wonderful,” I said.
“Mr. Dalton is a very good man,” he said. “He gave me a job after he helped us get settled here in America. My family and I owe him our lives.”
I nodded and smiled, my heart swelling a little. Bear was a good man.
“I’m so glad you’re safe,” I said. “Thank you for answering. I heard your accent.”
“I’m happy you asked. I always welcome an opportunity to talk about my home country and I love singing Mr. Dalton’s praises,” he said.
I smiled and sat back in the seat, thinking about Bear the whole way to the library. I was impressed with the loyalty that Max felt for him. Bruce seemed to feel the same way to all of his employees. Bear was obviously a good man. He’d not done anything to make me think that he was.
Hell, he had a hell of a lot more faith in me and my abilities than I did. Maybe I just needed to believe in myself more. Maybe what he’d said about believing in yourself was right.
Maybe these were the boundaries I need to push up against.
I vowed not to give up just yet. I’d been close as I'd started to walk down the street back there, but now that I was in the back of the car again, under the watchful protectiveness of Max, I felt a little more stable.
When the car slowed, I looked out the window and gasped.
“The New York Public Library, ma’am,” Max said. “The second largest public library in the country! Just call me when you’re ready and I’ll be here right away.””
“Thank you, Max,” I said, staring in awe at the beautiful building in front of me. “I might be a few hours.”
I jumped out and was immediately swept up in the sidewalk traffic. It flowed around me like a river and I somehow managed to cross it without getting mowed down. Slowly, I walked up the huge stone steps, in awe of the majesty of the building. Two huge lion statues flanked the steps and people of every size and shape and color swarmed around me, their voices a symphony of a hundred different languages.
My head was swimming, but I managed to make it through the front door, only to be swept up in the awesome beauty of the architecture.
I wandered around for half an hour, lost in the columns and art and hundreds of thousands of books. I passed through exquisitely molded archways that were bordered by huge intricate murals, masterpieces that had stood the test of time, watching over generations of visitors.
Once I’d as
ked for help finding books on interior design, I got lost in the thousands of books I found. There was so much information I had no idea where to start. I fought to suppress the overwhelming feelings from rushing back and grabbed as many books as I could carry to check out.
By the time I made it back outside, I realized I’d forgotten to call Max. I stumbled to the street with my tower of books, struggling not to slip in the slushy, muddy snow soup that covered every street and sidewalk in this city. I bumped into a man, who reached out and grabbed my arms to help steady me.
“Thank you,” I said, looking up at him gratefully. His eyes shifted away quickly. He nodded and kept going.
I took a few more steps, trying desperately not to slip and break my leg. I put the books on a newspaper stand and reached into my purse to search for my phone. I jumped and screamed like a little girl as a rat the size of an alley cat scurried around my foot and through the river of people to the other side.
My heart racing, I took a deep breath, doing my best to calm myself.
You got this, I told myself. Just relax. All you have to do is call Max and you’ll be in the limo, rat-free.
I fished around in my purse for my phone, reaching past my sunglasses and my keys and lipstick. But no phone.
It wasn’t there.
What the fuck? I cried, frantically searching through my purse again.