He only lets go of my hand when we are inside the bank. I know it’s a bank because it looks like one, and because it said so on the sign out front. I spend so much time reading now that I think I’m pretty good at it. The counter is almost exactly like the one in the betting shop, with glass between us and the woman behind it. I’m not tall enough to see her, but I can hear her voice through the holes in the screen. I decide that she sounds pretty and wonder if she is.
John unzips the bag and starts taking out bundles of money, then he puts it on the counter. The woman I can’t see slides a drawer so that she can empty it, then she slides it back and they do it all over again. There is a lot of money, so it takes a long time. First there are bundles of notes tied with thick rubber bands, then he takes out lots of different-colored mini plastic bags with coins. The green ones have ten-pence and twenty-pence coins inside, yellow is for fifty-pence, and pink is for pounds. There are a lot of pink bags. When the big bag that says HEAD is empty, John thanks the woman behind the counter and asks if he can take her for a drink sometime. I guess she must look thirsty.
He holds my hand less tight on the way back to the betting shop. I walk as slowly as I can because I like being outside. I like seeing the sky and the trees again, and feeling the sun on my cheeks. I like the sound of the man standing outside the fruit-and-vegetable shop saying, “Ten plums for a pound,” and the way the little green man made of light, inside a black box, tells you when it is safe to cross the road. John says we don’t have time to wait for him on the way back, so we cross even though it is the red man’s turn to shine.
“You’ve been a good girl and I think you deserve a treat,” says John when we are almost back where we started. I don’t reply because he says the word treat just like Maggie says the word surprise, so I think it might not be a good thing after all.
John calls the little row of shops where we live a “parade.” I’m not sure why. A parade at home is colorful and loud with lots of people in costumes marching down the main road. A parade here seems very quiet. There are five shops in a row: a greengrocer (which is a person who sells fruit and vegetables, he is not actually green), a video shop, our betting shop, a place where people wash their clothes, and then a little shop on the corner, I’m not sure what it sells. From what I can see in the window, it looks like it might sell everything.
A bell rings when the door opens, and I see a woman with dark skin sitting behind a till. I have only ever seen people with dark skin on the television. She has a red dot on her forehead, and I think she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen.
“Close your mouth, Aimee, we are not a codfish,” says John, and I laugh because it’s something Mary Poppins says and it is like a little joke between him and me. Mary Poppins is a film that John recorded for me onto something called a VHS at Christmas. I like to watch it over and over again. “Hurry up and choose something, before I change my mind.”
I stand and stare at rows and rows of sweets and crisps. I’ve never seen so many and I’ve only had Tayto’s before. I don’t know what any of these are, so I don’t know what to pick.
“How about some Monster Munch? Maybe some Hula Hoops for Maggie, and a big bar of Dairy Milk for us all to share?” he says when I can’t decide.
We walk to the till and John takes some money out of his pocket to pay the beautiful lady. She gives him his change and he gives me a ten-pence coin.
“She’ll have the ten-p mix please,” he says, and lifts me up so that I can see behind the counter. There are jars and jars full of sweets in every color and shape you can imagine. “You just point to a jar, sweetheart, and the nice lady will put one of the sweets in a paper bag for you. Choose ten.”
I do as he says, pointing at the jars that look the prettiest, and when the pink-and-white-striped bag is full, she gives it to me. I want to touch her skin to see if it feels the same as mine, but she thinks I want to shake her hand, so we do that instead.
“It’s good to meet you. What’s your name?” Her voice sounds like a song, and her hand feels soft and warm.
“My name is Aimee.”
“Good girl,” says John, and I can tell that he means it, and that I said the right name.
We are happy when we leave the shop. John smiles at me and I smile too, even though I can see his gold tooth. We are almost back at the flat and I don’t want to go inside again.
“John?”
“Dad.”
“Dad, what happened to the little girl in the picture in the front room?” I don’t know what made me think of her. I guess I wondered whether John bought her sweets too.
“She disappeared.” He walks a little faster, so that I have to run again to keep up.
“Disappeared?”
“That’s right, Pipsqueak. She disappeared, but now she’s come back and she’s you.”
I’m not sure what he means. Surely only I can be me.
The high street was full of people and noise, but it’s quiet here on the parade, as though John and I are the only people out for a walk. We’re just a few steps from the betting shop when there is a loud screeching sound in the road, and a car, and lots of shouting. Everything happens too quickly, like when we press fast-forward on the VHS machine. Three men, all dressed in black, are all wearing scary-looking woolly masks that cover their whole faces, like giant black socks with holes for eyes.
“Give me the bag,” the tallest one says. I think he means my bag of sweets, so I drop it on the pavement. But he isn’t talking to me, he’s talking to John and he is pointing something at him. It looks like the gun the hunter has in Bugs Bunny, but shorter, like someone has cut the end off.
“I don’t have any money, I’m on the way back from the bank, you fuckin’ idiots.”
One of the other men punches John in the stomach and he bends over and coughs.
“Last. Fuckin’. Chance,” says the man with the gun.
I run, I want Maggie.
“Stay where you are, you little runt,” says the third man, grabbing my hair and pulling me backwards.
“Don’t hurt the girl! The bag is empty, take it, see for yourself.”
The man with the gun hits John hard in the face with it, so that he falls down onto the pavement.
Then I hear a loud bang.
When I open my eyes, I can see that it wasn’t the man with the gun who made the sound, it was Maggie. She is standing outside the betting shop with a gun of her own, and she’s got her angry face on. She looks madder than I have ever seen her.
“Let the girl go, get back in your car, and drive away now. Or I will end you all.”
The man holding me smirks, and she shoots the gun in our direction. I fall on the pavement and feel strange. Maggie is right there in front of me, I can see that her lips are moving, but at first I can’t hear what they are saying. It’s as if someone is ringing a bell inside my head. She’s looking at something behind me, and I turn to see what it is. The three bad men are back in their car, and we watch as they drive away. I don’t think she shot the one who was holding me. I think maybe she missed on purpose. She strokes my hair, and my right ear decides to start hearing things again.
“You’re okay now, Baby Girl, you’re safe.” She holds me and I hold her back for the first time, because even though she hurts me, I know she won’t let anyone else. She picks me up. I wrap my arms around her neck, and my legs around her waist, and I only start to cry when I see that all the sweets that were in my ten-p paper bag have fallen out onto the pavement.