“Relax. Cinnamon toast and coffee. That’s all I’m attempting. Once you’re more recovered, you can make something heartier, or we can go out. Whatever you want.”
“Thorne, you don’t have to always promise me anything I want.”
“Yeah, I do. I can’t be with you and not share what I have. Otherwise it doesn’t feel like a real relationship.”
Riley sighed. “Do either of us know what a real relationship is?”
“Maybe not, but I know what I want it to be and what it is for my sister.”
Kathryn, at least in Thorne’s mind, had a fairy-tale marriage. From what Riley had seen, her husband was a man who knew her well and put up with her bossiness, but he also understood how to sway things his own way when he chose. Smart, prudent, and yes, completely in love.
“Just make the coffee,” Riley said. “I can’t argue without some.”
Thorne studied him. “I do think you’re ready. The thought of coffee no longer makes you scrunch your face up.”
Riley flipped him off.
Thorne returned with toast, properly browned with even butter and just the right amount of cinnamon sugar. His skills were improving.
Riley breathed deeply of his coffee. The scent, rather than making him feel worse, made him human again. He even managed a few bites of toast without any negative consequences.
Thorne sat down across from him, and the air suddenly felt heavy. There was a hell of a lot left unsaid, and now that Riley didn’t think he was going to die, they couldn’t ignore it any longer.
“Um…are we still leaving this morning?” They were supposed to leave for the cabin Thorne had rented at the lake. He’d planned the trip to celebrate Riley’s birthday and force him to get away for a few days.
Thorne set down his coffee mug and closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them, they were glistening. Was he holding back tears? Oh, holy fuck.
Thorne cleared his throat. “I think maybe you should go to the cabin by yourself. Having some space might be for the best.”
The awful sick feeling Riley had had the night before came back, the one he’d tried to drown in tequila. He’d fucked everything up, and Thorne didn’t want him anymore.
“Please don’t do this. I was angry. I’m still not sure I can accept your money, but I’m not… I don’t want to fucking break up with you!”
Thorne pushed away from the table and came around to Riley’s side. He knelt and laid his hands on Riley’s shoulders. “Did you hear what I said? I have no intention of breaking up with you. I just think you need some time to consider what you want.”
“But you left last night, and…”
“You got drunk, and things are still unsettled between us.”
“Then let’s settle them.”
“Is it going to be that easy? Can we talk for a few minutes and have a solution?”
Riley shook his head.
“Do you know what you want?”
“Fuck, no. But why are you being so fucking reasonable?”
IF RILEY KNEW how Thorne felt inside, he’d never accuse him of being reasonable. “Because I have to be, or I’ll come apart. And then I might lose you for good.”
“But—”
Thorne put a finger on Riley’s lips, stopping him. He had to get this out now before he chickened out. He’d been up all night thinking about what he would say when Riley woke up. “You’re worried I’m trying to control things, so I think you need to be away from me for a few days, somewhere you don’t see as mine, so you have a chance to figure out what you actually want.”
Thorne wasn’t sure how he managed to get those words out. What if time away made Riley realize he was too uncomfortable or unhappy to stay with Thorne?
“Thorne, I don’t want—”
“We need this. I’m angry too. I love you, and I want to share what I have with you. I want to be a part of your life, not just someone you…”
“Fuck?”
Thorne closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Yeah.”
“God, Thorne, is that what you think? That you either have to buy me everything I want and plan my business for me or we’re just fuck buddies?”
“No, that is not what I meant. See? We’re not ready to listen to each other.”
“I’ll listen. I just…” Riley shook his head and looked away.
“You’re angry, and I get that. I screwed up, but I meant well.”
“I know you did. Maybe we can work something out about the building. You could rent the space to us at a fair price.”
Thorne was not going to get into that argument. “This isn’t the right time to talk about it. You need time to think, but I want you to know that no matter what you decide, the loan and its terms will not change, and the space you want to rent is reserved for you. None of my support for your business will change, not the museum, not any of it.”