Standing here knowing Bliss was inside with her husband didn’t bother me at all. Which was why I had chosen to come here. I needed one night of sleep before facing my family. Before accepting the fact my gran might not be okay. Before my mother looked into my eyes and saw the emptiness that was unavoidable. She’d ask questions and I’d give her lies. The truth wasn’t something I wanted to share. Not even to her.
Walking toward the house, I hadn’t even made it to the front steps when the door swung open and Bliss came walking outside. Once upon a time, the sight of her long dark hair and blue eyes would grab me in the chest so tight I would lose my breath. Seeing her now, in the moonlight, I felt none of that. What was there was forever gone. Her presence didn’t feel like home. Not anymore. Seeing the happy glow on her face told me she was happy. Her life had turned out the way she hoped. This was where she fit. If I wasn’t hollow, I was sure that would give me peace. Nate Finlay had been her happily ever after even before she knew his name. Their lives had been intertwined since they were kids. I didn’t begrudge her this obvious joy she’d found. I knew she had seen the darkness at a young age and fought it. Life had let her live. For that I was thankful.
“Is this real? Has my life long best friend returned and . . .” she paused as she slowly took in my changes once I stepped into the light from the house floodlights. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. I forgot how much my appearance had changed but seeing the shock in Bliss’s eyes I realized this was going to happen a lot over the next few days. I should warn my dad so he could prepare my mother. “Holy . . . Oh . . .”
A loud bark of masculine laughter followed by, “Holy fuck, man,” came from Nate as he stepped out onto the porch to stand beside Bliss.
“Eli Hardy,” Bliss said slowly as if she needed to reassure herself this was in fact me. I wanted to say, “No. He won’t ever return. Because he wouldn’t. He was gone.” The man I was now was permanently altered inside much more so than outside. “Has your mother seen you yet?”
That got another laugh from Nate but Bliss ignored him and her eyes scanned my tattoos and hair. I didn’t want her to look into my eyes. If anyone could see the change, she would. She knew the boy I had been too well. I didn’t step farther into the light. I kept the shadows over my face enough to mask the rest.
“No. Came here first. I need a night of sleep before I face everyone . . . and deal with things,” I finally replied. I had to speak if I intended to stay at their house.
My words reminded her of why I was here. I saw the shadow of understanding and fear cross her face. Bliss understood cancer all too well. She was a survivor. “I’m so sorry,” she said the words I knew I’d hear a lot. Coming from her I knew she meant them. They weren’t just words because she didn’t know what else to say. She knew the horror of the disease. She’d faced death and lived.
I gave a nod. There was no reason to say anything. I’d been by her side as a teenager while she fought to live. I’d seen it even if I hadn’t experienced it. I had thought I understood death and the fear that came with it. But what I had experienced at Bliss’s side as a kid was nothing compared to what I knew now. Dying isn’t the part to fear. It’s surviving.
“Eli, if your mother doesn’t already know about this,” she motioned toward me. “The changes in your appearance. I think,” she paused and took a deep breath. “Maybe she needs to be warned before you walk into her house with all your family there.” I could tell Bliss didn’t want to say this to me, but she thought it needed to be said.
“Normally I’d say to hell with it but she’s right under the circumstances,” Nate added but he was still grinning in amusement and possibly there was some respect in his eyes. For what? The ink on my body? It wasn’t something to respect. It was reminders of what I would never forget.
“I mean no one has seen you in over a year. There was no warning. I hadn’t thought that goodbye hug you gave me before we left on our honeymoon was a literal goodbye.” There was hurt in Bliss’s tone. Once that would have made me feel guilty. As if I should apologize. If I could find that reaction, then there would be a possibility of hope I’d kept a piece of me through it all. After six months, I already knew it was an impossibility. Even for my childhood best friend. No emotion came.