“Irish,” Gran pointed out.
I nodded. “Yes, both her parents moved to the states from Ireland when they were just kids.” A story I’d heard about when I’d met them. The day we went to tell them we had gotten married.
“You loved her more than you’d always loved Bliss then?” she asked me. I was positive that no one else had the guts to ask me something that blunt.
I nodded. “Yeah, I did.” When I’d fallen in love with Alice it had been fast, hard, exciting. Everything I’d never experienced before.
“Death is never easy. Especially for someone so young,” she said. “She was loved by you though and that was a gift that I know for a fact gave her joy.”
The numbness came then. It always did. I’d realized it was the way my mind handled the rest. The details that all fell into place after . . . it was over. I couldn’t agree with Gran because although Alice had given me joy. Nothing had been real.
“My greatest fear is I’ll always love her,” I admitted without even thinking about it.
“That’s not something to fear, Eli. That’s something to accept. But your heart can always love her and the time you had with her and still one day love another. Just as strong. Just as hard.”
Gran was never wrong. Until now. Giving someone the power to destroy me the way Alice had would always be an impossibility. That was how she’d ruined me.
JUNE 12 / 8:30 AM
Ophelia Finlay
I MAY HAVE gotten to sleep later this morning since Wednesday there were no dance classes in the summer, but it still took me awhile to adjust to doing things. I was on my second cup of coffee and thinking about going to the Club to get those red velvet waffles with cream cheese they had added to the breakfast menu last month. I was sure those waffles were well over a thousand calories, but I was in the mood to do something that made me smile. Eating was always one of those things.
The fact I was sulking made me pathetic. I shouldn’t be sulking. Eli had a lot to do and he’d been staying with his grandmother the past two days. Of course, his first objective should be to get a place to live. Not come running here to see me. That would be ridiculous. We weren’t madly in love or anything.
My mood went a little further south at that thought. I should be worried about myself. I was getting in too deep with him emotionally and it was all one-sided. That was bad. Very bad. It was never smart to be the one who cared the most. Especially with men.
I slung back the rest of my coffee before it got cold and stood up. I was going to get the damn waffles. I would then put on my bikini and go out on the sandy white beach to soak up the sun. Forget all this silliness with liking Eli too much. I was overthinking it.
The doorbell ringing confused me a moment. I stood there with my empty cup in hand frowning at the window before walking over to it. The way the instant giddiness came over me, my face burst into a grin and I ran to pick up my phone so I could open the app and tell Eli I would be right down should be more cause for concern. Instead I was too happy to give it more than a mini thought.
“That’s not a face I was expecting,” I said as my app opened, and his face came into view from the camera on the doorbell that was connected to it.
“You were expecting another face then?” he asked, not sounding like he was thrilled with that.
“Possibly, depends on what is in that paper bag in your hand,” I teased.
He held it up and gave a small shrug. “Guess you have to take a gamble on it.”
“Is it food?” I asked.
He gave a nod.
“I’ll be right there!”
I heard him chuckle before I clicked off the app. That made me pause. Had I heard him laugh before? It was always a smile but not a laugh. The warmth that came from knowing I’d just made him chuckle sent me hurrying down the stairs to get to him. I slowed my pace when I was through the door in the studio where he could see me. I walked normally then, but my thoughts were only on the fact he was here to see me, and he had laughed.
I wanted to squeal and do a happy dance, but I didn’t. I took a deep breath before unlocking the door to let him inside. His gaze traveled down my body and ended at my socks. With the raise of his eyebrows, I followed his gaze to my feet to see what was so interesting.