“I swear it,” I replied.
That memory sobered me better than anything Cruz Kerrington had in mind. I took in the scene and silently thanked a God I wasn’t sure existed. But I had pleaded with him so many times for years while Bliss battled leukemia that if He was there, then He needed to be thanked for listening.
“I need coffee,” I finally said to Cruz.
“Fuck yeah you do,” he replied.
I fell into step beside him and we made our way to the side door of the house that led into the kitchen. There was a flurry going on with preparations for the reception. Cruz ignored the lady who told him to get out and took a couple small sandwiches off the tray she was preparing.
“This is the bride’s best man. He needs food and coffee to soak up the damn whiskey,” Cruz said to the younger girl who looked to be swooning over him instead of scolding him.
The girl got to work on my coffee and Cruz moved me toward the hallway.
My sister Crimson stepped out of Bliss’s old bedroom about that time and her eyes locked on me. I saw the realization as she took in my appearance. If only she could have been my youngest sister Cleo. Why in fuck’s sake did I have to see Crimson right at this moment?
“Jesus, Eli, seriously!” she hissed. “You look like shit. This is Bliss’s wedding day and you’re drunk in the middle of the afternoon. How could you? This isn’t like you? Is this about . . .” she paused and looked at Cruz who was standing silently beside me. Instead of handing me a sandwich he shoved one in my mouth.
“He’s sobering up now. I got this. Go find someone else to bitch at,” Cruz said to Crimson. Her face turned bright red as she glared at him. I chewed quickly and swallowed. I had to handle this now before my sister said anything else. She was no match for Cruz and if he said anything mean to her, I’d have to kick his ass. In my current condition, I doubted I’d succeed.
Before I could swallow the food, Crimson spun on her heel and stormed away. Without another word. I was pretty fucking positive that had never happened in my life.
When the food was finally down, I asked, “How did you do that?”
Cruz frowned. “What?”
I pointed at my sister’s retreating form.
He gave a dismissive shrug. “I just told her it was handled.”
I shook my head. “No, that’s not what I mean. Crimson doesn’t listen like that. At least to me or about me.”
“She’s younger than you, correct?” Cruz asked.
I nodded. But she was still bossy as hell.
Cruz ran a hand over his head and let out a sigh. “Damn. I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy as fucking nice as you are. Shake that shit off, dude. Get a backbone. Be firm. Make your own decisions. You need to go and live. A fucking lot. Enjoy being your own man. Doing whatever the hell you want to do. Stop being so damn nice.”
The way he said it made me feel like a loser. As if I had been living in a bubble afraid to see the world. “Just because I’m not a bastard doesn’t mean I’m weak,” I argued. “What about Lila? She deserves more from you than all that shit. She needs a man who will be there for her, love her, support her. Not some man who wants to call the shots and live some wild life.” Yet she’d chosen this joker over me.
Cruz nodded. “I’m not talking about me. I know what’s out there. I lived it. Then I accepted I’d been in love with Lila most of my life and she was what made me complete.” he paused and pointed at me. “But you’ve not lived for shit. You have no idea what you want. And no woman will ever make you happy until you can appreciate her. Living life and making wrong choices makes it easier to know when you find what’s right.”
I opened my mouth to argue when he shoved another sandwich inside and I was forced to chew while I scowled at him. He studied me a moment then gave a nod like he had made a decision.
“You’re lost, Eli Hardy. Motherfucking lost. Six months ago, I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck. But I’m a different man now. So, when this wedding is over, you’re gonna take the keys to my Harley and go. Just fucking go. Don’t stop until you figure out what it is in life you want or where you belong. Just drive the damn thing. Make bad decisions. Get a tattoo, date a stripper, work in a bar.”
There were a lot of things I could say at that moment. Several thoughts ran through my head. But in the end, I simply nodded.