I’d been ready for an awkward response, not a question about my next meal. That confused me. “Dinner?” I asked, thinking I could have possibly misunderstood him.
“If I get on my bike now, I’ll be there in time for dinner.”
He was asking me if he could drive all the way here just to take me to dinner. “If you’re willing to drive that far for dinner then the least I could do would be to cook for you.” I was not the best cook. What the hell was I saying? I had very few items in my wheelhouse that I could make successfully and none of them were real impressive.
“Leaving now. I’ll see you before or at six.”
“Okay.” The simple word was not enough, but it’s what I blurted out. I should say “Wait, I can’t cook that well. Maybe we should get good food.” Or “How about another time you need to be with family.” Or anything other than . . .”Okay.” But I didn’t say more, and he didn’t give me time to think it through further. The call ended and I stared down at my phone confused, surprised and obviously, I was excited. Before putting the phone down, I saved his number and then added a little smiley face emoji beside it with heart eyes. It may be ridiculous, but when I glanced at it from a distance, I would recognize the emoji even if it was too far to read his name.
With a quick glance around, I knew I had a lot to get done in a short time. I grabbed the chocolate and went to stick it back in the cabinet where it belonged. Then took the remote and pointed it at the television. “Sorry Khal Drago. I no longer need to watch you have sex to make me feel better.” Which was saying a lot. Eli Hardy was more exciting than a naked Jason Momoa. I clicked off the television and laughed at my own habit of talking to the characters as if they could hear me. I would blame that on my living alone for so long, but the truth was I hadn’t actually lived alone that long. Lila Kate had heard me talk to the television more than once when we lived together. It had been a topic of discussion often.
I quickly looked in my kitchen at the supplies I had to determine what I needed to go buy in order to cook an actual meal. Going to the grocery store wasn’t something I enjoyed, but I found I was humming happily while I made a list and pranced . . . yes, I was prancing around my kitchen as well. When I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window and saw the obvious joy, I paused.
My smile faded. My sour mood from earlier was gone. So quickly. The reason for my bad mood had been clear all along. I had noticed it and accepted it. But I hadn’t thought about the future complications. I was the queen of emotional walls. I didn’t let men get too close. Once I’d been young and loved freely. I had been taught the hard way that was stupid and painful. I walked into relationships with men carefully now. I didn’t fully commit. I never trusted. I protected myself. Which men always got tired of this and either demanded something more and I ended things, or they gave up and walked away.
It had worked. I hadn’t been hurt in a very long time. But when was the last time I was happy? When was the last time I felt this rush I was experiencing when I was near Eli? I couldn’t remember. I’d forgotten how it could be.
Leaving Sea Breeze had meant leaving Eli Hardy. Even if I hadn’t wanted to admit it that had bothered me. Now he was coming here, and I was happy again. The circumstances weren’t great ones. Other than the fact he had only returned for his grandmother. There were other things like . . . the Eli Hardy that was safe no longer existed. The one you could depend on, the rule follower, the . . . good guy, was gone.
The Eli Hardy that existed now wasn’t a guy anyone needed to get too attached to because he would leave again. That was the crux of it all. I was attracted to the one I could never trust with more than a good time. The guy he’d been before I’d never gotten to know. I never gave him a chance.
I shook my head and glared at myself in the window’s reflection.
“Don’t go making this into something it’s not. He makes you smile. He’s sexy and smart. Enjoy him while you can. Stop overthinking.”
I wasn’t sure if my reflection listened, but I felt better about it all.