There had been a wait at the Lube Express and it had taken them almost an hour to get my car serviced. By that time, I was starving and went to grab a chicken wrap to take with me, but again there were people. So many people. It was the time of year that Fridays got busy in Rosemary Beach. Vacationers arriving for their week at the beach. Nothing was fast or easy for the next three months.
After getting some food and heading toward Sea Breeze, it was almost five and I called to let Bliss know I was running late yet again and would just be arriving in time for the party or whatever it was. I didn’t think party was a good description. Not under the circumstances. The mention of Eli Hardy had reminded me of Bliss and Nate’s wedding. We had drunk some whiskey from his flask together and talked briefly.
Eli wasn’t my type, but he’d been drunk, so he had been more laid back. It had made me see a side of him I did like. But I doubted that side ever came out when he was sober. Eli was way too uptight. I liked more adventure. Not the bad boys but the ones with an edge. Eli was just too good. When he’d left the wedding on Cruz Kerrington’s bike, I’d been impressed, but that was honestly the last time I’d thought about him until Bliss had mentioned him earlier this week. Now I wondered what had come of him after the wedding. I did know Cruz no longer had the bike. Lila Kate had mentioned her relief that he’d sold it a few weeks after the wedding, but she had been surprised Eli had been who bought it.
My thoughts went from Eli to my sister, and then I worried over Phoenix’s bad choices. Dad had texted me her phone number like he promised. I had called her three times this week and all she ever did was text me a response. The last had been “Not your business!!!” so I had backed off and let her be. I couldn’t force Phoenix to talk to me. However, my thoughts stayed on her the rest of the drive. By the time I pulled in front of Nate and Bliss’s house, it was full of cars outside. Lights spilled from every window and I took a moment to take in the beautiful place my brother now called home. He’d start a family here. One day I’d visit and there would be kids calling me Aunt Ophelia. Bliss couldn’t get pregnant, but they already talked about adopting in the future. My chest felt warm at the thought of all that would one day come for them.
Then just as quickly, I felt the melancholy follow because I didn’t think I’d ever know their happiness. I’d dated enough men to realize what they had was rare. Every time I thought maybe I’d found someone, it turned bad. He wasn’t what he’d led me to believe. He changed. Maybe it was me that made them change. It had happened so many times now I was willing to take some blame for it. Obviously, I was the common denominator.
Deep down I feared my appearance attracted them, but once they truly knew me, they were turned away. I was facing the fact I must be flawed. There was something about my personality that men thought they could take me for granted, treat me poorly, and then become disinterested.
I wasn’t a Bliss, and I wasn’t a Lila Kate. Both of those two had the beauty along with the sweet goodness. They were beautiful souls. Men were drawn to them. Loved them. Adored them. Women like them were the ones who got the happily ever after.
I thought some days I was fine doing life on my own. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else. Just do what I wanted and make my own decisions. It sounded like a solid plan. One that would make me happy and content. That only lasted for awhile though.
When you’ve been raised by two people who love each other as fiercely as my parents do, who fight then make up, who laugh together, work through all obstacles together, it’s hard not to want that. It was all we saw as kids and even now they still complete each other. Living in a home like that was the one thing making me wish for more. They were the reason I said yes to a date when I knew deep down it would end the same as all the others.
Everyone said I was so much like my mother. But I knew it was in looks only. I looked like a young Blaire Finlay and that was where it ended. My mother was everything I ever wanted to be, but I knew I never would be. Her beauty was deep, her love was strong, her will was more than I could comprehend. She’d battled so much early in life and came out on top. I had decided that was the difference. I’d had no battles.