She let out a laugh then and lifted her tear streaked face. “I’m sorry. It was too much all at once. The sadness then this. I wasn’t expecting this.”
“You weren’t expecting me to tell you I loved you?” I asked wanting to clarify.
She nodded. “Yes. I love you. I love you so much. But I didn’t think . . . I just thought you liked me a lot. But that we were done.”
“Liked you a lot?” I asked grinning.
She pressed her lips together as she tried not to smile. “Yes.”
“It goes well beyond a lot.”
She let out a gentle sigh and closed her eyes. “I feel like I shouldn’t be happy. What you came to tell me is so sad. How can I be happy?”
I understood. But I had mourned. In the end, I couldn’t have changed anything. “I’ll always wonder about my son. He has a piece of my heart now. That will never change. But I want to have a life with joy in it. I want to experience how complicated and hard times feel knowing I’m facing them with you. I want it all, Bliss. As long as I get to spend it with you.”
Again she buried her head in my neck and wrapped her arms around me. “Me too.”
I held her as we stood there in silence. This was our beginning. The other times had been our prologue. But the real story would start now.
Bliss York
THE SUN WAS barely breaking through the blinds when I opened my eyes. Nate was asleep beside me. We had eaten in last night and talked about things. I asked all my questions and he seemed to want to tell me. Then we kissed until our clothes were gone and made love in the bed for hours. It had been slow and sweet. Naughty words hadn’t been needed.
Watching him sleep peacefully with his arm thrown over me was like a dream. One I had a million times and never expected to experience. I reached over and brushed the hair from his eyes. He was mine. After all these years Nate Finlay was mine.
But for how long?
I’d asked him questions last night now wondering had it been to avoid talking to him about me. My past. My illness. I had avoided it because I didn’t want him to see me as the sick girl. If we were going to have a chance at a real relationship I had to talk to him about what all I went through. How it affected my body. Especially now. He’d created a child that he never got to hold. If we stayed together he’d never get to create another one. My body didn’t work properly. I’d lost parts of me in the treatments.
I moved to get up quietly so I wouldn’t disturb him and pulled his discarded shirt on before going to the kitchen for coffee. Nate said he loved me. Everything he did and said last night also said he loved me. He wanted us to work. Keeping it a secret about what all my body went through especially the fact it couldn’t bear children was a lie. I wouldn’t lie to him.
The fear that in the end he’d leave me for someone whose body wasn’t broken was strong but it was a truth I had to face now. Waiting until later was unfair to both of us. I had come to terms with the fact that I would become a mother by adoption and I was good with it. I wanted to give a child a family. I wanted to love it and raise it. And I knew one day I would adopt more than one child.
After I poured a cup of coffee I sat with my feet curled up under me on the sofa and looked out the window. It wasn’t a beach view but the early morning sun danced on the world outside. It was peaceful. Full of promise.
“You left me in bed. Our first morning as a real couple and you left me.”
I turned to see Nate standing there shirtless in a pair of boxer briefs. His hair was still mused from last night and his eyes heavy from sleep. A man should not look that good. It was unfair to the females of the world.
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
He cocked one eyebrow. “Were you still naked?”
I nodded.
“Then I would have preferred you disturb me. Next time crawl on top of me.”
I laughed into my coffee cup. I wanted this so much. But first he had to know.
“I need to tell you something.”
His teasing smirk faded. “You look serious. That makes me nervous.”
I could drag this out and explain everything but I wanted to say it. Let him process it and figure out if we had a future. One past dating and enjoying each other. One where we grew old together. He may not want to adopt. After losing his son he may need another child with his blood. His smile. A part of him.