My stomach dropped.
He hurriedly paid the bill and led us both to elevator, barely touching my back as he ushered me. When we got out of the building, instead of walking towards the car, he suggested that we walk for awhile. He seemed so distant and I can’t seem to reach him.
When we stumbled upon a garden, I sat the concrete bench, waiting for him to say something, anything.
The silent treatment’s killing me.
“Blake?”
His back faced me, looking over the clearing that led to the river. The garden was dimly lit, but it wasn’t dark enough to hide Blake’s stony face. He turned around and faced me, hands in his pockets, face passive.
“Are you going back to him?” his voice steady and loud.
“What? No! I never said I was! I mentioned it because you had to know—that even though I’m not going back to him—I can’t freely date you at the moment—He’ll go ballistic if he found out. I guess all I’m asking is if you could understand where I’m coming from. Kyle’s been through a lot lately and he needs my help. His parents seem to think I’m the only one that could pull him out of this rut and I think I can help him, heal I mean.”
“Heal him, Sienna? That’s a load of rubbish!” He cursed loudly as he kicked a stone next to his foot. He turned his back and sat on his heel, both hands gripping his hair. I pressed my lips together, knowing I’m asking a lot of him. But I had to help Kyle, he didn’t have anyone else.
I stared at the man before me, he looked conflicted, and I honestly don’t blame him. I would be too, if the situation was reversed.
I picked at my nails, antsy and nervous when he got up and turned around to face me again.
“Sienna—as much as I badly want you—I can’t watch and fall back on the sidelines as you spend time with him. I can’t fathom the fact that you’ll be spending time with him—after what he put you through! But it’s your decision and I fully accept that. He’s obviously still significant to you and I understand that too. You still love him and that’s something I can’t compete with. I have to give you up—make things easier for you—
We’ll still be friends, never doubt that. I’ll always be here for you. But what transpired between us the past week is something we should bury and move past on”
My eyes were rimming with tears as I watched him speak. He looked fine, but his voice was something else entirely. He sounded hollow and empty. But I knew deep down, even if I begged him to change his mind, he wouldn’t. He’s already made up his mind about Kyle and me.
The big question is how am I going to move on with life after Blake? Yes, he’s still planning to be my friend and we could mend things as they were before—but how will I forget how his kisses made me feel? How will I bury those memories I have with him? I felt tormented with emotions I had a hard time speaking.
“Are you sure you want to give up— whatever it was—between us, Blake?” my voice a small whisper, as I looked at his face, longingly.
“It’s not easy for me to say this, Sienna. You know that—”
I nodded not wanting to argue his moot point. I got up and walked towards his parked car.
The ride back home was silent.
He didn’t even bother to turn on music. What a great night this turned out, I thought bleakly. How I wish things were different, but Blake’s obviously willing to just walk away—without much ado—so I should do the same and not dwell on it. It apparently didn’t mean that much to him, so let bygones be bygones.
He parked outside my building, but didn’t even bother to look at me. I stared at him for awhile, waiting for him to say goodnight, but he didn’t budge. I hesitantly leaned over him and gave him a peck on the cheek and hurriedly left the car. The tension was stifling and I needed to get out of there before breaking down.
The apartment was dark and silent. Lucy usually stays with Toby during weekends and I welcomed the eerie silence.
I’m not going to cry, I willed myself. It was stupid and we barely started anything for it to be significant.
Not bothering to turn on the lights, the moonlight barely slithered through the windows, as I made my way to the kitchen and helped myself with a huge glass of wine.
I went to my bedroom. Slowly took my shoes off, my dress, and the pins on my hair, letting it cascade on my naked back. Wearing only my thong, I went to turn on my music and played ‘Ain’t No Sunshine’ by Eva Cassidy and placed it on repeat. I lay in my bed, curled up, alone with my heavy heart and my disgruntled thoughts.
I never did cry.
That night, I dreamt of silks and candles.
And a pool full of rose petals.
Nineteen
Morning couldn’t come soon enough as I stretched lazily on the bed. I reached for my phone and checked for the time, it was ten in the morning. I’m meeting Kyle and Marie later tonight.
How exhausting is this? This is practically draining my soul until I’m insipid and lifeless.
I wish I can dance with Chad today, but Saturdays are usually busy for him at the studio and I can’t cut it close to dinner time.
I needed enough time to get ready. So, I settled for some stretching and a twenty-minute Pilate’s session in my living room area.
Blake never texted or called last night, it was just as well. He’s serious about his decision and I have to just let it go. All I have to do now is gather up the courage and my armory when the time comes when Blake decides to bring a date when he’s hanging out with us. I flinched inwardly at the thought of those strong hands on another woman. It never bothered me before, but since things did happen between us, it’s going to be difficult to revert to the old ways. I knew how those hands felt, how great they can make me feel. But it was over and I just have to move past it.
I did some laundry, dusted and cleaned the apartment. Before I knew it, it was five in the afternoon already. I received a text from Kyle earlier stating where and what time we’ll meet. I still have an hour and a half to get ready until I meet them.
I decided to run a bath and soak for fifteen minutes or so before I start getting ready. Browsing through my closet, I decided on another black dress, strapless, short fitted with an a-line skirt with black stiletto heels. My hair long hair down and sat few inches above my butt. My pearl studs finished my look perfectly. Aiming for the classy look can’t be accomplished properly without pearls, or so they say.
Hailing a black cab on a Saturday night can be very difficult, but I was lucky enough that I didn’t have to wait that long on the pavement. The traffic was terrible, but lucky arrived few minutes past seven on Park Lane in The Dorchester Hotel. Marie loves French cuisine and I’m meeting them in one of the five-star restaurants inside.