“Am I barren?” I had to stop, leaning down to make sure I was hearing her correctly. I was wearing my hand-knit hat, after all, and she had lined it with thick fleece. An absolutely fantastic hat. I planned on wearing it to bits and pieces.
“You know, since your grandmother is a baroness. Are you a baron?”
Bursting out with a laugh, I drew up again. “I am so sorry to disappoint you. I am not a baron.”
“Oh, I’m not disappointed. I just wondered.”
“You are,” I had to tease. “You’re a little disappointed.”
“I’m not!” she insisted, growing flustered. So fun to tease.
“It’s not enough that I’m a rock star. No, you want me to be a baron, too.”
“Ash!” She hit me on the arm, laughing now, too.
“I tell you what.” I leaned down to her, whispering into her ear. “The next time I go down on you, you can call me the baron.”
“You did not just say that!” Her eyes wide, she half-laughed, half blushed in response.
I whispered, breathy, “Oh, yes, baron! Right there, baron!” She smacked me again. I sighed and stopped. For now. Ana never stopped entertaining me.
“So, no, I’m not a baron,” I continued. “My brother Colton inherited that title, after my father passed away this summer.”
“Colton’s your older brother?”
“Yup, by two years. The title’s perfect for him. I’m just the angry second son.” I looked down at her, flashing a smile. “In years past they would have sent me off into the clergy.”
Ana shook her head. “That wouldn’t have suited you at all.”
“No,” I agreed. “I probably would have tarnished the family name by having affairs with married women.”
“Good thing you were born in this day and age. When you could wear tight leather pants and shake your ass up on a stage for money.”
“You did not just say that.” Now it was my turn to stop and give her a glare. But I had to admit, she’d nailed it. “What am I, Ana?” I asked, feigning hurt. “Am I just a sex symbol to you? Do you just want me for my body?”
She laughed and shook her head again. I knew we were being silly, acting giddy together, teasing and laughing. I couldn’t get enough.
Walking again, arm in arm, I let her know, “That’s OK with me, you know. If you’re just using me for my body. You can have me any time you want.”
“Good to know.”
Paris unfurled before us, every street corner revealing a breathtaking scene and beckoning in new directions, every restaurant boasting a menu fit for a king. We ducked into a small bar, ordering some red wine to warm us up. Our first day in the city, not a single person had looked at us twice. We were completely incognito. I’d received a few panicked texts from Lola, but I wasn’t falling for that trap. I was off the grid and loving it.
Outside, a light flurry of snow began to fall. Lazily drifting down, in no rush. Earlier that day, we’d checked into our hotel, a small boutique spot without the glitz and glam of a place like the Ritz, but all the privacy we could want. We strolled down the street to a corner bistro, enjoying out dinner, but I could tell Ana was getting tired. She hid a few yawns behind her napkin, giving me sleepy smiles.
I took her back to the hotel and built a fire in the fireplace. A classic old building in a classic old city, Paris let you burn it up. None of the California spare-the-air warnings, billboards telling you smoke from burning wood was bad for your lungs. Parisians wanted you to breathe deep, live for the moment and cherish your lover in front of a roaring fire.
We settled on a plush couch together and I drew a soft blanket over us both. I gave Ana five, ten minutes tops before she passed out. The jet lag was really getting to her. She’d never traveled to Europe before, so I got it. This was all new to her. Tomorrow she’d be feeling 100%.
“I’m sorry I’m so sleepy,” she apologized, snuggling into me. She fit so perfectly, my arm around her, her head on my chest.
“No, don’t apologize. Rest. You’ll enjoy tomorrow more.”
She yawned big, and rested against me content. After a moment, I could feel her smile against me. “I can hear your heart beat.”
“Yeah?” I suddenly felt vulnerable. Was it beating fast? Here she was, so relaxed she was about to fall asleep. But I didn’t feel tired, and it wasn’t just my travel expertise keeping me awake. It was Ana, being around her, the way she made me feel, the anticipation of more time together. I was playing it cool, but I felt eager and slightly nervous, just her there with me. No entourage, no cameras, no band mates. It was everything I’d wanted but I realized how little time I’d spent over the years without all the trappings. I felt stripped down, in every sense.
“Mmm.” She brought her hand to my chest, meaning nothing by it. She wasn’t trying to stir my blood, send awareness shooting down to my cock. But it happened, with just the touch of her hand. Her eyes drifted closed. I kept my hand around her shoulders, listening to her breathing. I could stay like that all night.
“S’funny,” she murmured, sounding half-drunk but I knew it was just half-asleep. We’d shared some wine, but only a couple of glasses, and the steak frites she’d eaten for dinner had put something nice and substantial in her stomach. “Never wanted to before.”
“What’s that?” I tilted my head down near hers, trying to catch what she was saying. She really was mumbling, almost talking in her sleep from the jet lag.
“Thought it seemed gross. Til you.”
“What seemed gross?” She was talking nonsense, now, I knew it. Sleep talking. I wondered what she’d say next, probably something about aliens wearing mittens or cooking spaghetti in applesauce. My younger brother Heath had shared a room with me when we were little kids and he’d talked in his sleep. Funny, I hadn’t thought of that in a long time. He used to say the most random shit.
“Sucking you.”
Say what now? All alert attentiveness, I bent down closer to her mouth. Had she just said what I thought she’d said? Her eyes were completely closed.
“Never thought I’d wanna do a blowjob. But I wanna blow you.”
Out like a light. Drop the mic, she’d left the building.
Well. Quite the way for her to finish off the day.
Now my cock was hard as a goddamned rock, practically hammering at the seam of my jeans. She wanted to give me a blowjob? I almost wondered if I’d made that up, some fiction of my fantasy life taking over reality. But, no, I was pretty sure she’d actually said it. I’d been sitting on the couch thinking rather tame thoughts, content holding her in the firelight and reminiscing about a moment from my childhood. She was the one with the dirty mind.
Now my mind caught right up with hers. The thought of her perfect lips descending on my cock. She’d be shy about it, but she’d have that eagerness, too. I could picture her kneeling between my legs, her wide, toffee-colored eyes looking up at me as she took me into her mouth. Jesus, it would feel like heaven. My own
eyes closed as I imagined it, the warmth, the pressure, the way she’d lick me. Fuck. How had she managed to fall asleep with that coming out of her mouth? I bet she didn’t even realize she was talking out loud.
Nice to know her mind ran as nasty as my own when we were together. I enjoyed my small glimpse into unfiltered Ana. What else did she think about doing with me? I had a long list with her.
You know what was funniest about the moment, though? I guessed she and I were both having a first. She’d been snuggling into me, falling asleep, having an unfiltered moment with sex on her mind. I guess I was the first man she’d ever wanted to go down on. There was a God.
What got me, though, was the fact that she was the first woman I’d ever wanted to just sit on the couch with. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to fuck her and fuck her long and hard. I wanted her up against the wall and over the couch and tied to the bed for hours at a time. I wanted to fuck her so hard she’d have trouble walking, shoot come so deep inside her she’d see stars. I wanted it rough, wild, driving, pounding into her like an animal.
But I also wanted to sit with her on the couch. Her body resting gently against me, she slept, trusting and sweet. The fire crackled, a giant clock over the mantle ticked, and I felt an entirely strange sensation. No roar of the crowd, no hype from my PR team, no pressure from groupies or band mates or photographers. Just me and Ana. Time stretched out. And for an impatient man, always climbing from one peak to the next, seeking the spotlight, center of attention, I had a unique feeling. For once in my life, with Ana sleeping on my chest, I wanted the moment to last.
§
The next morning, Ana woke rosy and early, clearly with no memory of her over-sharing the night before. I still remembered it, with a deep ache in my balls, but I didn’t say anything. I knew I’d find the right time to do something about it, though. I couldn’t let her fantasies go unrealized, now could I?