“It’s cool out here,” I agreed. But I wasn’t moving. The first reason was my mom. At first I’d stayed in Naugatuck to keep an eye on her with my dad around. Now I wanted to keep an eye on her since he was gone. And somewhere along the years, I’d realized I wasn’t staying in Naugatuck because it was the path of least resistance. It was because it felt like home and I liked it that way.
“How’s your mom doing?” See, Jax looked like a badass with his black leather jacket, shaved head and tattoos. And he actually was a badass. There was no one I’d rather have my back in a fight. But he was more complicated than that. Deep down I knew he’d step in front of a train for me if I needed it. The list of people he cared about might not be that long, but for those people on it, he’d do anything.
“Mom’s good. You know, getting on with life.” Jax came closer than most to knowing what a bastard my father was. Probably because his father was the same way, both of them angry, violent drunks. We’d both added a bunch more scars into the mix over the years, but our fathers had started us both off with our first few.
“How’s business?” I asked. He spent the rest of the ride filling me in, the headaches with his partner, the drama with a couple of waitresses.
“You should be my business partner,” he added, giving me a glance to show he meant it. “Someone I can trust.”
I nodded, realizing I was fortunate to know a bunch of people I could trust. Having spent my life in one small town, I could name a whole list of guys I trusted without hesitation. Even if I just began and ended with the guys at the station, that made a pretty good group. Maybe it was navigating dangerous situations together, but we were like family to each other. It sounded like Jax didn’t have that.
But as we spent time together over the weekend, I saw he had a form of it. The local motorcycle club hung out at his bar and seemed to treat him as a brother. Only Jax told me he wasn’t an official member.
“I’m not pledging allegiance to a violent psycho with daddy issues.” He nodded subtly toward a heavily bearded older guy, apparently the head of the MC. “I’m happier on the outside. But it’s good for business.” Not for the first time I felt like Jax was about to tell me something more, only he stopped himself before he did.
The weekend passed in a blur of alcohol and women, as Jax had promised. We partied at the bar, in the back room of the bar, at his place, at his friend’s place. We even set off firecrackers on the Fourth, reminiscing about that first day we’d discovered our mutual love for pyrotechnics 17 years ago.
I thought about Sophie the whole goddamned time. I thought about her while I watched some hot girl dance, imagining how good Sophie would look if she were there with me, moving to the music. It wasn’t fair to compare anyone to a professional, I knew that, but I couldn’t help it. I’d love to see Sophie dance again. From what I’d heard, she’d risen to become one of the best. No surprise there. But I still didn’t know why she’d walked away. When I’d been around her I’d mostly managed to yell at her, talk about flooring or paw at her like a teenager in heat.
At a late-night party at Jax’s place, I sat out on the deck and thought about Sophie, even while sandwiched in-between two gorgeous swimsuit models on a sofa. They flanked me, their bare limbs brushing up against mine, their breasts pressing against my chest as they leaned in to giggle and whisper something in my ear. Looking at their thighs I thought about Sophie’s, that line where her dress had ended and her creamy skin had begun. How I’d pressed her against the wall, parting her thighs with mine and how she’d yielded, wanting exactly that.
The problem with getting hard was whichever girls you happened to be near naturally assumed it was in reaction to them. That left you in an awkward situation if you didn’t want to do anything with them. Which, sadly, I did not. Disentangling myself from a sea of any normal man’s fantasy, I made my way over to Jax’s kitchen.
Jax followed me soon thereafter. “What’s her name?” he asked, handing me another beer.
“What?” I tried playing dumb. I didn’t have much hope at succeeding, but it was worth a shot.
“Who’re you hung up on? Because I’ve watched you turn away more pussy this weekend than a gay pop star.”
I took a sip of beer, wondering if I should mention her. Jax knew how bad it had gotten after she’d left. He’d come out to Naugatuck in the aftermath and found me flattened out like I’d been run over by a cement mixer. But I figured, if I couldn’t mention her to an old friend, who could I mention her to?
“Sophie,” I admitted.
Jax let out a low whistle. “She’s back?”
“She’s back.”
“You’re fucked.”
“Thanks, man.” We clinked beer bottles.
“Does Ian know?”
“Won’t return my calls. Hasn’t in over a year.” Ian hadn’t even made it to Chase and Emma’s wedding. It was like he’d dropped off the face of the earth.
“What’s she doing back on the island? I thought she was a famous ballerina or something.”
I took a swig of my beer. “Yup. She did that. But now she’s back and wants to open a dance studio.”
“No shit?”
“It gets better. She’s bought this historic building that’s falling down all around her. Only she—”
“Can’t fix it up because it’s historic,” Jax finished for me. He knew the deal. He’d helped his dad out on a few construction sites.
“You got it.”
“Let me guess.” He looked me in the eye, sizing me up as he was so good at doing. “You’re helping her with it.”
I looked down at my sneakers. That was the thing about old friends, they knew you all too well.
“You really are fucked, my friend.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and leaned in. “Listen, forget all this heavy shit. You’re out in SoCal. There’s this girl out there, Katrina.” He gestured toward the living room. “She’s up for anything. Let me hook you up.”
I shrugged. I knew I should say yes. I was single. I had a wild side that hadn’t been out to play in way too long. It would do me good to cut loose. Hell, it might even take the edge off this insane fever that still seized me, even 3,000 miles away.
But I couldn’t do it. I’d never been a good pretender. I was practiced at partial disclosure, keeping sides of myself private. But that was different from feigning interest when what I actually felt was nothing. That I couldn’t do.
“Speak of the devil.” Jax stood up, welcoming a woman who’d just sauntered into the room.
“I’m the devil, am I?” She gave him a devious smile, definitely up to no good, or at least ready to get up to no good at all. She wore what looked like a corset up top and her long, jet-black hair fell down her bare shoulders. Her black leather mini skirt barely covered the goods.
“Is this your friend?” She gave me a flirtatious smile, swaying her hips as she approached, lazily tracing the necklace she wore that dipped down into her ample cleavage.
“Hey, I’m Liam.” I nodded at her.
“I hear you’re a firefighter.”
“That’s right.”
“I’m feeling hot already.” She fanned herself, looking up at me through her lashes. Jax burst out laughing at her brazen come-on and she flashed him an annoyed look. I smiled at her, knowing she’d be a perfect distraction. If only my mind wasn’t fixed like it had been super-glued on one woman and one woman only.
“You know what?” Hand behind my neck, I shook my head. “There’s this phone call I need to make. I should probably go take care of that.”
“Suit yourself.” Jax shrugged. I knew he thought I was making a mistake, but he knew me better than to try to talk me out of it. I could be stubborn as a mule. Katrina didn’t seem too bent out of shape. She shifted course seamlessly, now batting her eyes at Jax who accepted the attention with his usual disinterested charisma. I’d never seen women go more wild over a guy who stayed so aloof. But I guessed it was true, some women went bat-shit crazy ov
er a bad boy and Jax was the original bad boy with a heart of gold. They’d have a fun night together.
I excused myself and headed upstairs to the guest bedroom where I was staying. I’d said I had a phone call to make just because it was an excuse. But now I thought maybe I’d call Sophie. Once the idea got lodged in my head, I liked it. I could call her, check in. See what she was up to. I decided to send a text first.
* * *
Liam: Hey.
* * *
No immediate response. I looked at my screen, angry at it for not showing that light grey bubble with the dots, giving me that instant high of knowing Sophie was connected through our phones and responding to me. I tucked it in my back pocket, telling myself to chill out. I paced the room, feeling like a caged animal, wondering if I should head back down to the party, or even go for a walk around town. Then I heard my phone ding.
* * *
Sophie: Hi.
* * *
Liam: You having a good weekend?
* * *
Sophie: Sure, you?
* * *
Liam: I’m in CA visiting Jax.
* * *
Sophie: California?
* * *
Liam: Yeah.
* * *