Tanner held on to me tighter as though he could feel me slipping from his grasp. As though he could sense, that this, us, like this, was coming to an end. Its inevitable conclusion.
“Three o’clock in three days.” Diego stood back, and Miguel put a gun to one of the prospect’s heads. I knew it must have been AK’s nephew by the way he suddenly kicked a chair across the room. “If Adelita is hurt, one of your prospects will pay the price.” Diego stared down at the camera, and my skin crawled. It was like he could see me through the lens. Cold shivers broke out over my body. “Until then . . .” The screen went blank; the room was thick with silent anticipation.
My eyes lowered to the ground. When they lifted, everyone was looking at me. I inhaled deeply, hating what was I was about to say . . . but it had to be done. “I will go.”
“No,” Tanner spat from behind me. The pain in his voice, the plea, made me close my eyes and fight the devastation that was running so thickly in my veins. When I opened my eyes, I searched out Styx. “I know Diego.” I looked at Flame, AK, and Smiler. “He is a man of his word. He has promised to harm the boys if I am not exchanged. And he will.” I held Tanner’s hand tighter. I would find it hard to ever let go. “We will make the exchange. I will go with Diego. You will get your prospects and family members back.”
“No!” Tanner snarled and spun me round. I didn’t look into his eyes. I couldn’t. But Tanner placed his hand under my chin and forced me to face him.
“I have to,” I whispered before he could speak. The gutting pain I held in my heart at the thought of being torn from Tanner was reflected in his light-blue eyes. He shook his head, about to protest, but I put my hand on his cheek. “I can’t let them die.” I swallowed back the lump in my throat. I nodded, a silent agreement with myself that this was the right thing to do. With my hands on Tanner’s cheeks, I brought his mouth to mine and kissed his lips. “It has to be this way, mi amor. I cannot let them die . . . I would never be able to live with myself.”
“You’re not fucking going.” Tanner looked to Styx and Ky, then all the brothers standing watching. “I’m not gonna let that cunt take her back. We need to think of something. A plan or some shit. Because I ain’t letting her go. I’ll fucking die in that ghost town before I let her go back to Mexico.”
My heart both broke and swelled as those words fell from his lips. But I knew it was futile. There was no plan to be made. This had to happen. I had to go.
“They have Ash!” Flame roared at Tanner.
Tanner shook with anger. He laughed, but there was no humor in his tone. He looked around the brothers. “She’s my fucking old lady!” Tanner pointed at Styx, then Ky, AK, then Sia’s men. “You wouldn’t let any of your bitches go. Mae, Lilah, Phebe, or Sia.” He next turned to Flame. “And I get your brother has been taken. I’m your Hangmen brother, and I’ll do anything to get him back, but I won’t let Adelita go.”
“Tanner . . .” I tried to say, but he shook his head, pulling away from me.
“You went to that cult to get Mae, razing the fucking place to the ground,” he said to Styx. Next he looked at Ky. “You went in to get Lilah.” He turned to Sia’s men. “Y’all went into Mexico to get Sia. I fucking came too! Helped y’all with every plan. And what? Now it’s my bitch y’all are ready to just send her back?”
“It ain’t as easy as our bitches,” Ky explained. “Adelita is Quintana’s kid.”
“So?” Tanner bit back. He reached for my hand. I gave it. He was fighting so hard for me. For us. “We just need to get more creative. We have to plan better.” Tanner looked at me, then back at Styx who was watching like a hawk. “We’re at war! We have brothers ready to fight. So we fucking fight!” His neck was so tense his veins showed under his skin. “Quintana was coming for us anyway. So fuck if it’s Adelita being here that’s made the threat worse. One day soon we’d be facing them regardless.” He slapped his chest. “I’m gonna fucking fight. For her, for me, for the prospects, for this fucking club.” Tanner’s voice dropped when he said, “Y’all are my brothers in arms. And I’m gonna marry Adelita one day. That’s supposed to mean something at this club, or am I mistaken?” Flame’s heavy breathing could be heard from beside us. Tanner looked at him. “The way you need Maddie is the way I need Lita. You would tear anyone apart to protect her. I’m doing the fucking same.”
Flame glanced down at Maddie, who was at his side, clutching his arm. His face seemed to soften for a split second. But my attention quickly went back to Styx. He was watching Tanner intently. His hazel eyes next moved to me. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but all I saw was Charon. All I saw was Mae looking down at her son like her heart had been taken from her chest and gently placed in her arms. I pictured Saffie holding onto Phebe. And I thought of all the women who had just welcomed me with no judgment into their circle. I considered what they had already been through. The cult, Sia in Mexico with Garcia . . . Saffie with my father.
And I knew I couldn’t let them be hurt further because of me.
I had to protect them now too.
Styx raised his hands, and all the men watched him. It was incredible the respect Styx garnered from his brothers. The silent, imposing man didn’t need loudly barked orders. The simple movement of his hands got his message through clearly enough.
“Church, in one hour,” Ky said, reading Styx’s hands for those, like me, who didn’t understand sign. Tanner exhaled a long, relieved breath beside me. And I understood what that meant. They were going to devise a plan so I could stay here with Tanner.
They were going to fight Diego.
Tanner pulled me from the bar and took me straight to his room. When the door was shut, he pushed me against the back of the door and put his hands on my face. “You’re not fucking leaving me. I’m not letting that happen. I have you now, and you’re not going back to that cunt, or your old man.” Tanner kissed my forehead, my cheeks, then my lips. He was worshipping me, cherishing me. Trying to convince me that I belonged with him.
I knew I did. But sometimes circumstances made it so soulmates couldn’t be together.
“Mi amor,” I whispered and held his face in my hands. I drank in his blue eyes and the light lashes that framed them. I felt the stubble on his cheeks under my hands, and his lips—features that I knew, in a hundred lifetimes, I would never tire of.
“Don’t,” Tanner said, not giving me a chance to speak. He closed his eyes for a moment, before saying, “Don’t tell me you should go. Don’t tell me it’s the right thing to make this fucking exchange.”
The hurt in his voice caused me physical pain in my chest. I always tried to be strong, but in this moment, I felt weak. Because I wanted everything Tanner was offering. I wanted to stay. I wanted the dream, but . . . “Maybe it is not in this life that we are meant to be together.” As I whispered the words, each one felt like a knife being driven into my side. Tanner’s blue eyes were racked with agony. I kept my lip from trembling as I stroked my hand down his face, and along his tattooed neck. “Maybe, no matter how hard we fought, we were never meant to be. No matter how much we love one another, it isn’t enough.” I smiled at him, but the smile was a lie—I felt only heartache. “I cannot have other people’s deaths or miseries on my conscience. And I know you, Tanner Ayers. I know you cannot either.”
“I can’t let you go,” he rasped. The hurt in his voice was almost my undoing.
“Do you know how much I love you, mi amor?”
Tanner touched his forehead to mine. “Yes.” His breathing was labored, like he had the weight of the world on his wide shoulders. “Do you know how much I love you?”
“Yes,” I whispered back.
“I can’t lose you,” he appealed, and I unraveled when I saw his eyes glisten. “If the world doesn’t want us together, then we have to find a place that does. I want no one else, baby. You’re it. You’ve always been it.”
“Tanner . . .”
Tanner took hold of both of my hands. “Let me try,” he begged. “Let me try to make a plan to save the prospects and keep you safe and here with me. Please . . . just . . . just let me try.”
Tanner’s expression was so hopeful, so earnest, that I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Tanner exhaled in relief and picked me up where I stood. He carried me to the bed, and then made love to me so sweetly, so softly, as though I were a delicate flower who might fall apart at any moment.
When he left to meet with the other Hangmen, I lay wrapped in the bedsheets, his smell wrapped around me, keeping me warm. I intended to savor every part of Tanner I could over the next three days. I didn’t know what would happen, but I wasn’t naïve.
So, closing my eyes, I allowed myself to envision a life where Tanner and I had no shackles holding us back. Living free and as we chose to. No war. No violence. Just him and me and our love.
It was the most perfect of dreams.
Chapter Eleven
Tanner
I watched Adelita getting ready across the room. She slipped on black jeans a plain black tank. Her dark brown hair fell to her waist. I watched her as she crossed the room and pulled flat black boots on her feet. My heart fucking squeezed seeing her like this. All she was missing was a cut. Fuck, that wasn’t true. She was missing that and my ring—the one I still intended to put on her finger.
The screen in front of me flashed with a new email. It was Wade. It wasn’t only the cartel that would be at the ghost town today. The Klan would be there too. And, according to Wade, so would Beau.