Flame stood before me, all thick muscles and tattoos, with his manhood erect and flushed. But what took away my breath was the fact that his looming presence did not fill me with dread and fear. Because this man before me, the one my soul loved, was my safety. The man with whom I could only ever be this free and trusting.
The man who was mending my fractured soul.
Backing away further, my legs hit the soft mattress of the bed. Pressing my hand down onto the cool linen, I climbed on the bed, and lay down. Flame stood in the center of the room, looking as nervous as I felt. I held out my hand, and meeting his eyes, whispered, “Come to me, Flame… please…”
With a tensed body, Flame shuffled forward until he sat on the mattress. We lay down in our usual positions. Only there was nothing 'usual' about this time. About this moment right now.
Laying my head against the pillow, I inched my hand forward, my palm flat to the mattress beside Flame’s head. Flame, watching every move I made with flared eyes, mirrored my movement. A smile pulled on my lips, and crawling my fingers forward, I lay my hand over his and sighed at the connection.
Flame’s eyes closed, and when they opened, he shuffled further forward and slid his calloused hand around my waist, pulling me against his chest. I gasped as my bare breasts met the hard muscles of his wide chest.
Our stares held, until Flame leaned in and stole a kiss. His lips crushed to mine, and in seconds his tongue pushed into my mouth. I met his tongue with my own, groaning at the too heady sensation of my bare skin flush against Flame’s and our hot mouths fused.
On a low groan, Flame’s hands pushed me flat to the mattress, and he rolled his large body over mine. A cry ripped from my mouth as I broke our lips apart. Panic was coursing through my body, the feel of Flame’s too strong body bringing back painful memories, until my frantic eyes focused on his handsome face, and I immediately calmed.
A tear slipped from the corner of my eye. Flame leaned down to capture it on his lips. My heart raced at such a sweet act coming from such a powerfully-built man. Then I made myself calm; this was Flame. This was my Flame.
Relaxing into the mattress, my unsteady arms lifted to lie on Flame’s shoulders. At my touch Flame relaxed too, and I could feel his hard length pressing against my thigh. But this time I felt no fear, just a simple need to be joined, in every conceivable way.
Flame’s eyes were repeatedly squeezing shut, and his head had begun to twitch. I knew this meant he was just as nervous as I. Only, he did not know how to express it.
Running my hands up his neck, I threaded my fingers through his hair. Flame exhaled, and when he met my eyes, I asked in a quiet voice, “Are you ready?”
Flame’s eyelids pulled down, lines marring his forehead and he confessed, “I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been with anyone this way. Only with, forced by…” he trailed off as his huge arms began to shake. My heart lurched when I knew what he was telling me.
“Shh…” I soothed and stroked his hair. “I am the same. Because I too have never done this before. Not like this. Only with you. Only ever with you.” I swallowed back threatening tears and whispered, “Only ever because of you…”
“Maddie,” Flame said. I cried as a tear dropped from his eye. Leaning forward, I kissed away the salty drop, exactly as he had done with me. Chasing away the demons of our pasts.
For several long seconds we breathed in the same air, until I pushed myself to move my legs, to open my legs for Flame. Flame’s jaw tightened as his length fell between my legs at this small movement.
I could feel the fear, the nerves threatening us both. The air crackled with fear and tension. Running my hand down between our stomachs, my fingers met Flame’s length. I stilled as my hands wrapped around it and Flame groaned aloud. Then I saw it in his eyes, the sheer need, and lowering his head to mine, I murmured against his lips, “Make love to me.”
Flame moaned and his hips moved forward. I directed him inside me, and my mouth parted on a quiet gasp when he pushed gently inside.
Our bodies were trembling as we hung on the precipice of becoming one. Then as Flame’s large arms tensed, shaking at the enormity of what we were about to do, his eyelids hooded and he whispered, “You are my Maddie…” immediately before he pressed himself forward, his length filling me so impossibly full.
Needing to find purchase, to ground me in this moment, my hands wrapped around Flame’s neck. A pained groan tore from his throat. Then we stilled as he lay inside of me.
I waited for him to move again, I waited to follow his lead, but when I looked up, his face appeared torn with agony. His breathing was out of control and sweat had beaded on his forehead. My hand lifted to sweep across his brow, and he gasped for breath. His taut arms trembled, and haunted dark eyes grew to the size of saucers.
“Flame?” I asked, the last of my nerves fraying, seeing the man I had fallen so deeply for coming undone.
My hand stayed on his face and I focused his attention to me. “Flame? What is it?”
His eyes closed and his lips paled. His breath stalled, then on a sharp gasp they opened and he whispered, “I don’t think I can do this.”
My heart sank at the gutting tone of his confession. “Why? Tell me what is wrong?” I gently pushed.
Flame’s focus fell to his arms, and he said, “I need pain. To come… I need pain.” He blinked, then blinked again. “I only know how to come through pain.” He sucked in a breath. “Not like this. Never done this before.” Flame’s attention fell back to me. “I want to, Maddie. I fucking want this, so bad. I need this… but I need pain. I’m fucked up and I need pain to go through with this.”