But then the frustration filled my heart, and I thought, Your touch is poison. You’ll hurt her.
Bending my fingers, I curled them into a fist and heat boiled my blood. I hated it: I hated that I couldn’t touch her. I hated that when she looked up at me with those green eyes, I couldn’t fucking speak.
I didn’t know how to speak to her. I just knew I couldn’t. Because I was wrong in the head. Because I wasn’t like everyone else. Because people said I was a fucking freak. All my life they’d told me I was born wrong.
“Flame?” Turning my head, AK and Viking were stood beside Prez. Styx nudged his head at me. Vike then glanced to Styx and back at me. “Come here, brother.”
Glancing at the shut door one more time, I dropped my head and walked back to Prez. Styx watched me the whole way, my lips moving as I counted my steps under my breath. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…”
I reached Styx at eight. Nine, ten, eleven… On eleven I looked up. My head twitched under his hard glare. Curling my fingers into my palm, my nails dug into flesh, enjoying the sharp bite.
Styx shook his head and signed, “Don’t know what the fuck that was all about with Madds, not sure I want to.” He looked up to AK and Vike, but my eyes never left him. Turning back to me, he signed, “I get you have some fucked up obsession with her, that’s your friggin’ deal. But if, or when, you hurt her, you hurt Mae; and that shit ain’t gonna fly.”
My teeth ground so hard you could hear it out loud. Shaking my head, I hissed, “I’ll never hurt Maddie. Never.”
Styx didn’t say shit for a while, then nodded his head, backing up toward his cabin. My eyes followed him all the way, when he signed, “Glad to have you back, brother. Wasn’t the same with you gone. Life was pretty fucking tame.”
I relaxed my hands. Styx entered his cabin, leaving me stood with Vike and AK.
AK ran his hand down his face. “Let’s head home.”
But I didn’t want to leave. I needed to stand outside of Maddie’s window. I needed to keep her safe.
AK got in my line of sight. “Tomorrow, brother. Start your guard shit up again tomorrow. You’re dead on your feet right now. You need food and you need sleep. You’ve lost a lotta weight. You’ve got huge fucking black Glad bags under your tapped strung out eyes. You’re not fucking thinking straight.”
I shook my head, about to tell them to get the fuck gone, when Vike joined AK. “Flame, it’s happening. Don’t fucking fight us on this, brother. We ain’t slept much since you’ve been gone, one of us always watching you in that damn sick house in case you woke and went fucking apeshit at being tied down. So just give us a fucking break, yeah? Just for one fucking night.”
I wanted to fight. I wanted to tell them to fuck off and leave me with Maddie. My head twitched under his gaze, but I eventually nodded.
Vike’s shoulders relaxed, and he began walking toward the trees that led to our cabins. AK followed behind. I fell into step. But just as I was about to break the cover of trees, something made me look back.
Maddie.
Maddie sat at her window, watching me leave. My feet came to a stop. She was on her knees, her hand pressed to the glass. My heart slammed against my rib cage. When she smiled at me my hands relaxed at my sides, and for a minute, the pounding in my fucking head stopped. The twitching stopped. And the feeling that something was crawling under my skin, stopped.
“Flame?” AK called from within the trees. But I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want this feeling to leave me. I didn’t want to leave her. I just wanted to be near her.
I fucking just needed to be close.
Maddie, hearing AK shout from the bottom of the hill, sank down to sit on the window ledge. Her green eyes dulled and the hand on the glass moved to give me a small wave.
I didn’t move.
She didn’t move.
AK came back through the trees.
My brother came to my side and my body tensed at his closeness. I heard him sigh. I saw Maddie tilt her head as she observed us. “Flame. You need to come the fuck home. Leave the little one alone tonight.”
AK waited in silence. Then Maddie’s expression changed, and bowing her head, she withdrew from the window.
“She’s going to sleep, Flame.”
When she didn’t come back to the window, I turned and followed AK down to our cabins. When I got to our small clearing, Vike was outside his cabin firing up the grill.
“Take a seat, I got steaks grilling and beer chilling.”
I walked over to Vike and took my usual seat. AK sat opposite. Reaching into the cooler, Viking handed a beer to AK and me. I cracked the top with my teeth and took a long pull. Nothing was said as Viking flipped the steaks, AK picking at the label of his beer. Then putting the steaks on a plate, Viking handed one to me.
I shook my head. Viking pushed it in front of my face. “Take it, brother. You’ve lost a hell of a lotta weight.” I took the plate, but my eyes looked to the woods. I knew she was up there. I wondered if she was asleep? I wondered what she looked like asleep? I wanted to watch her sleep.
A cough sounded from Viking. When I looked toward him, both he and AK had their attentions fixed on me. I shifted on the seat and asked, “What?”
Viking stuffed a chunk of his bloody his steak into his mouth, but AK didn’t move. I glared back, my legs beginning to twitch, the flames inside beginning to ignite at his scrutiny.
“What?” I snapped again.